Archives for posts with tag: walking my own path

Gray, Rainy, Moody

May 11, 2025 //

Just as I reached the trailhead the rain began. It’s not falling hard, but steadily. I waited a few minutes before yielding to the practical details of walking in the rain, and just did the thing. Boots, cane, rain poncho: I’m ready for it, so why not? My aching back yesterday is no surprise now; my arthritis reliably responds to specific changes in the weather. I ache today, too, and I am cross and moody, even out on the trail.

I started walking, and kept walking until I returned to the car, not soaked but finding myself struggling with pain and irritability. Less than ideally pleasant as morning walks go, and more a matter of will and practice than delight. It’s okay. There’s nothing really wrong and this crappy mood will pass.

Tedious discussion of health stuff follows, skip this next paragraph if it’s “tmi”!

I breathe, exhale, and relax. It is “shot day”. Sunday is the day I’ve set for my weekly Ozempic shot and my weigh-in. Actual weight loss progress is very slow now after an initial 8 months or so of fairly steady losses. Here’s the thing though; I’m using it to control other health conditions and it’s doing that exceedingly well (I’ve been able to discontinue medications aside from my thyroid and pain medication). I’m continuing strength training, and building muscle (heavier than fat) along with having gotten very near the weight my current caloric intake supports means it’s harder to change the number on the scale – but that’s an inadequate measure of health improvements overall, and I try not to fret over it. Instead I seek to walk further, faster, and to continue to advance my weight training (ideally without injury). I consider additional calorie reduction, at this point it’s probably necessary. I’m not unhappy with my progress, generally, just saying that the Ozempic is not a magic trick, a cheat code, or a guarantee of getting to a size 6 again. It’s just a tool and a means of dealing with my problematic blood sugar that happens to also improve my health in a number of ways.

I check the grocery list. Practical stuff, and healthy foods and ingredients, nothing to trim from the list, it’s all good stuff. It’s easier to commit to healthy eating when everyone in the house is in on it. I’m fortunate in that regard. It still requires practice, and attention to details – and a measure of will and impulse control.

I sigh to myself and think about my birthday in June. What sort of “birthday cake” might I enjoy? Cheesecake? A fruit tart? Something creamy? Something light? Definitely not chocolate – too rich, and too dense, it’s just not my favorite. Something fruity might be nice… Something not too dreadfully sweet. Sugar isn’t so appealing these days. Maybe something subtle and a little “fancy”? Lemon-y and spongey and creamy with a hint of lavender or blueberries? Something like that might be nice… but I’d probably be the only one enjoying that. lol My thoughts wander on… and I’m feeling less irritated just indulging the thought of birthday desserts. Human beings are strange creatures.

Looks like it may be a cloudy, rainy day all day. I guess I’m okay with that; there’s considerable housekeeping to do today. I smile to myself thinking about the two small hardy fig plants I planted in large pots yesterday. Eventually I may put them in the ground, if they are truly suited to our climate, but I don’t yet know where. It’ll be a couple years before it really matters, and I’m delighted to have the figs in my garden; I’ve wanted fig trees or bushes since my first garden. It’s to do with a lovely memory of my Granny and my first experience of fresh from the tree sun-warmed figs. I smile. Pleasant memories are a beautiful mood-lifter.

I frown a little impatiently at the foreboding gray sky. I guess it’s time to begin again.

Tags be here now, begin again, breathe, calorie management, diabetes, discipline, do your best, don't forget to take your meds!, eat right and exercise, it's a journey, it's not cheating to use tools, no added sugar, no shortcuts, non attachment, Ozempic, practicing the practices, results may vary, self-care, side effects, strength training, taking in the good, there are verbs involved, walking my own path

Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Practices, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being

Around the Bend

April 29, 2025 //

There is a future, and the details of the specifics are unknown. Mostly, things will probably be fairly ordinary, because generally speaking, they are. I think about that as I walk, and wonder, and plan. No amount of planning and thinking will directly change the future, but it may lead to better choices.

I think about my garden as a metaphor. I can calculate the average yield of each plant I’ve planted, and plan ahead to do the necessary work, but these actions don’t determine what my harvest will actually be. My plans won’t determine what I actually get done. Circumstances will be what they are. I’ll know the outcome when I get there, and weigh the harvested produce. Will it be abundant? Will it fail to be sufficient? I can only guess, do my best, and hope to be prepared for all of the most likely outcomes.

Yesterday was sunny and pleasantly warm. I spent time in the garden in the evening after dinner. It felt like summer approaching. I planned to do some gardening on my breaks today (working from home). I woke to rain. It’s not raining heavily or steadily, though it obviously rained quite a lot during the night. I still manage to enjoy my walk. Drizzly now, but not raining hard. It’s not a good day for gardening though. It is sloppy and muddy and my arthritis is giving me a bad time. Yesterday, my view of today was obscured. I didn’t see this rainy day coming.

I sigh to myself as I walk, and I’m all the way back to the car before I take a moment for meditation and writing; my favorite stopping point on this trail was soaking wet and surrounded by mud.

I definitely don’t know what the future holds. Probably a lot more of all of the usual, which could be a bit of a buzzkill, until I consider how much of that future is within my control to at least some degree, all the time. I may not be certain of the outcome, but I do have a lot of choices. I can create and embrace change. I can hold space to succeed and to fail, and to find my way regardless of the circumstances. I can practice and build emotional resilience, contentment, and joy. Being present in this moment makes the journey a slow pleasant walk into a future I feel mostly pretty prepared for. Practicing non-attachment ensures that the bend in the path ahead is part of the journey, and not a cause for anxiety.

I smile to myself. My awareness of pain doesn’t make the morning less pleasant, only more human. I breathe, exhale, and relax, and prepare to begin again. The clock ticks. The sun rises. The rain falls. The journey continues.

Tags be here now, be the change, begin again, contentment, drawing a better map, emotional resilience, garden design, how to build a garden path, introspection, it's a big menu, meditation, non attachment, osteoarthritis pain, rainy mornings, results may vary, self-care, the future is unknown, the map is not the world, the plan is not the experience, the secret to true happiness, walk on, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what are you practicing?

Categories Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, joy, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being

Moments and Flowers

April 27, 2025 //

I woke early, got to the trailhead after a peaceful Sunday morning drive. No traffic at all. My walk was quiet, solitary, and uneventful in every way. It was just me, the sounds of distant traffic and my footsteps, and the occasional song of a robin somewhere nearby. There were flowers blooming along the trail.

Flowers are a bit like moments, aren’t they? They are brief and often quite beautiful, some more impressive than others, often regretfully fleeting, sometimes delightfully sweet. Lives are built on moments the way gardens and meadows are built on flowers; there is so much more to it than that, but it’s easy to overlook the underlying complexity distracted by the moment – or the flower.

Moments and flowers both have incredible variety. Some are intensely beautiful, others are quite subtle. Some are memorable to the point of creating a lasting impression or an archetype, others less so, becoming easily forgotten as time passes. Flowers fade and wither, their lives are short. Moments, too, exist and fade away, never to be repeated, each unique in some way.

I walked thinking about moments and flowers, both worth considering “from a distance”, and examined more closely. There is so much to learn from reflection on a moment, or from examining a flower. There is much to appreciate and enjoy being wholly present with either.

A worthwhile moment, considering a flower up close. An ordinary meadow flower, given a chance to become a moment.

The Spring air is fragrant with the scent of meadow flowers. My thoughts wander to my garden. The strawberries are flowering. Did you know that strawberry blossoms have a scent? The Swiss chard I planted has sprouted and the romaine is recovering from being nibbled upon by the deer. I planted tomatoes yesterday, and potted up the lemon balm I had sprouted. It’s a lovely tea herb, but a poor choice to plant freely in a garden bed; it will take over. Like the mint, I keep it potted. The clematis I added this year is thriving. The peas are climbing their trellis. The garden is a lovely metaphor for life.

Is your garden thriving? What have you planted there? Are you following a plan? Have weeds taken over? Your results will certainly vary (I know mine do), and there is so much work involved it can feel daunting to try to keep up. How we tend our gardens has a lot to do with how they grow and what we can harvest. It’s no good dreaming of plump sun-ripened tomatoes plucked from the vine if you didn’t plant any tomatoes to begin with! In every moment the choices we make matter, and guide our potential outcomes and future moments.

I smile and enjoy this quiet moment at meadow’s edge, smelling the flowers on the marsh breeze. Nice morning. I don’t mind that the clock is ticking, I’m not paying it any mind; I’ve got this moment to enjoy. I can begin again a little later.

Tags be here now, be present, be the change, begin again, breathe exhale relax, how to be present, Ichi-go ichi-e, introspection, it a metaphor, meadow flowers, meditation, mindfulness, moments and flowers, self-care, the garden as a metaphor, the path, the secret to well-being, Vita Contemplativa, walking my own path, we become what we practice, well-being and being well

Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, joy, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Practices, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being

Showers and Chills

April 22, 2025 //

This morning is a chilly one. Not quite freezing. There was a meteor shower peaking last night, but I didn’t stay up to see it, in spite of the likelihood of a clear night. It didn’t actually freeze overnight, and there was no frost on the ground where I live. When I got to the trailhead, I found a pleasant spot to watch the sky and enjoyed seeing Venus shining brightly, a beautiful crescent moon, and even a couple shooting stars. Worth a few minutes of time outside on a chilly Spring morning.

I breathe, exhale, and relax, and head down the trail as daybreak begins. Nice morning to put another mile on these boots. I think thoughts of Spring, and of camping. It’s still too chilly for sleeping on the ground (for me). It won’t be long before camping is a fun way to get a couple days of solo time. I’ve got reservations at a new spot, too, in July. I’m hoping to get a couple days of painting on the coast in June.

I feel restless and a bit distracted.

I sigh and keep walking to my halfway point, and stop to write and reflect. Hard to keep my mind focused on this present moment, here, now, this morning. I wonder why, before letting my thoughts wander on. I’m in pain on this chilly morning. I’m distracted by the lingering recollection of strange surreal dreams from which I woke just before my alarm. I feel sleepy and I’m certain I could go right back to sleep, but it is a work day. I watch the sky change colors.

I shake off my sleepiness. I get to my feet and look down the trail, past the vineyard. The clock is ticking. The sun is rising. It is a new day and it’s time to begin again.

Tags basic self-care, be here now, be the change, begin again, chilly morning, choose wisely, cold Spring morning, do your best, grateful for another sunrise, how many steps?, how to walk my own path, looking at the stars, meditation, pain management, self-care, self-reflection, unique moments, Venus, walking my own path, we are mortal creatures, we become what we practice

Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Practices, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being

A Different Perspective on a Familiar Path

April 12, 2025 //

I went to the usual trailhead of my favorite weekend morning hike. Pretty morning, but… the trailhead is busier than usual. A parked vehicle (vacant but with hazard lights left on), an especially disreputable looking old van (windows covered by foil), and an old RV with signs of being someone’s long-term dwelling, are in the parking lot. My skin crawls, and I experience a sense of “stranger danger”. I could be overreacting, but by the time I could be certain that I am or am not, it could easily be too late, eh? I move on, and go to the western trailhead of the park, on the far side, nearer to my usual “halfway point”. I’ll walk the trail in a different direction, approaching the views from the other side, and I’ll take a route that doesn’t approach the other trailhead at all (skirting the marsh instead of crossing it).

It’s a lovely morning, and I’ve no regrets over the change of direction. I walk the trail contentedly. I see geese, and nutria, robins and squirrels. I walk along the river for a while. I look across a different bit of meadow, at a different stand of trees on the other side.

The morning is chilly but not cold, and I am warm from walking. I feel relaxed and rested, and my (quite minor) seasonal allergies are not vexing me; I remembered to add allergy meds to my morning medication. I feel comfortable in my skin and merry as I walk. I am supported by my cane (it’s actually a very strong, lightweight Leki trekking pole with some shock absorbtion), and my ankle does not yet ache from the walking, nor do my feet hurt. I would be walking in spite of those things, but it’s nice not having to fight that pain, this morning.

I think about the day ahead, but my thoughts are scattered, fractured by distractions: birds, flowers, movement in the underbrush. I walk on, enjoying the scents of Spring. I try, briefly, to recall whether I have errands to run, but I fail, and for the moment I don’t actually care. I’m wrapped in this moment, now, and it’s quite enough.

I walk, thinking about my beloved Traveling Partner, sleeping at home. He’ll likely be quite sore today after physical therapy yesterday. I resolve to keep myself occupied until he alerts me that he’s up and about for the day, to do what little I can to ensure he gets the rest he also needs. I smile. My heart is filled with love and my thoughts with fond memories. He is so much part of my life and experience after 15 years together. May 1st is our anniversary, but “that moment” that he truly became part of my life and my future was actually on his birthday, in December, at the end of 2009. By February we were the best of friends, by June he had moved in with me. Even then, I don’t think either of us anticipated marriage being part of our journey (less than a year later), we were both pretty sour on the notion from our past experiences. Still, here we are. Feels almost as if we’ve “always” been together. It’s easy to forget what a short time it has been. I grin to myself as I walk. He could not be more dear to me, nor further entangled in my heart. I am wrapped in his love every moment of every day. I sigh happily, and keep walking.

An enormous flock of Canada geese pass overhead. I think about my Granny, and wish that she could have met my Traveling Partner. I think she would have liked him. I know my Dad would have. I chuckle over the ways of men, and wonder what it might have been like had my Dad and my partner had a chance to enjoy each other’s company? I walk on wondering when I stopped being angry at my father? When had I truly forgiven him? It’s clear that I have… How strange. I once thought I never could.

Time passes, and the passage of time heals a lot of hurts, given a chance. Forgiveness isn’t for those who have hurt or wronged us, my Traveling Partner was right about that; forgiveness benefits most the one who forgives. Forgiveness is a letting go of the terrible weight of lasting pain and lingering rage. Forgiveness is another way to begin again.

My footsteps on the path are regular and even, steady like the tick of a clock. The clock is ticking. I walk on, with new perspective, toward the next curve on the path, the next opportunity to begin again. It’s time. It’s always time. I’m okay with that.

Tags ACT, anger management, be here now, begin again, being and becoming, breathe exhale relax, CBT, compassion, don't take anything personally, forgiveness, forgiveness is devine, get help, how to heal, hurt people hurt people, let that shit go, love and lovers, meditation, mercy, non attachment, obstacles on the path, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, results may vary, self-care, self-reflection, the clock is ticking, trauma history, walk on, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what are you practicing?

Categories Allegories, anger, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being

Gray, Rainy, Moody

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Around the Bend

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Moments and Flowers

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Showers and Chills

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A Different Perspective on a Familiar Path

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