Archives for category: 2024 Election

My tinnitus has nothing to do with anything else going on, at all, it’s just there, and I happened to notice, and it seems like the sort of “understandable thing that is” that I experience as relatively mundane and ordinary, which in contrast with the craziness of the world (quite specifically, the USA) is almost a relief.

Yep. I’d rather deal with my tinnitus than with having to accept that powerful people in the US government would very much like to make the Epstein files “just go away” by any means available, which seems pretty gross and thoroughly distasteful and indecent. What about justice, though? I’d rather deal with my tinnitus than come to terms with this adminstration pretty much just storming into its own cities arresting and assaulting its own citizens (yes, even actual born-right-here citizens) on thoroughly bogus pretexts. I’d rather deal with my tinnitus than with obvious corruption in our government. I’d rather deal with my tinnitus than watch the USA kidnap the president of a foreign country on whatever bullshit excuse-making can be developed on the fly. Venezuela? Really? Hopefully we’ve all seen enough by now to recognize that this government is not made up of ethical committed professionals who seek to govern skillfully for the benefit of all citizens. It just isn’t.

…Fuck this tinnitus though…

…And also fuck censorship, and fuck corporate greed, and fuck dark money in politics, and fuck politicians enriching themselves in office. Fuck sexism, racism, nationalism, and just generally most ~isms, since they seem reliably poorly thought out and highly likely to hurt more people than they solve any kind of problems. Tools to control populations by ensnaring them in the illusion of shared values. Fuck AI and fuck billionaires, too. Vaporware, AI slop and wealth-hoarding are not going to build a better world. We’re overdue to figure out a better approach to global trade, culture, and society. We’ve surely got the means to do better (and for more people), and it’s pretty ugly that what seems to be holding us back, more than anything else, are greed and the desire for power. It’s a pretty ugly look, Humanity. Do better.

…Omg this fucking tinnitus, though…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. The day started gently. I’m feeling much better…but… for some dumbass reason, the US attacked Venezuela and kidnapped (“arrested”?) it’s president. I have trouble making any excuses for that kind of stupidity, frankly. Venezuela isn’t even adjacent to the United States at any point at all, does us no direct harm or injury. More bloodshed over oil, more than likely. Horrible. Corrupt. Greedy. Fucking hell, we just aren’t the good guys, y’all. I don’t need to be stuck on this – don’t know why I am. I’m disappointed in this administration. Deeply disappointed, and also pretty grossed out by the aesthetics of the individuals associated with it (the whole “Mar a Lago face” thing is weird and I find it disturbingly inauthentic, but I guess that will make it easy to tell what values any particular talking head may have). Weird to see people spend money to make themselves over into a charicature of the person they could be. I admit I don’t get it, at all. The dishonesty, too, is very disturbing. We’re okay with kidnapping foreign leaders and killing unidentified civilians on fishing boats, but we are uncomfortable calling out genocide if it requires using that word? Words have meaning, that’s why they have definitions. What the actual fuck?

…Use your words. Speak truth to power…

I begin again. I let it go. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I sigh quietly to myself and sip my coffee. It’s very good. Ethiopian beans, freshly ground. Smooth, low acidity, with a rich flavor that hints at chocolate, and meadow flowers. Lovely. I make a point to enjoy this cup of coffee and this quiet moment. Right here, now? This is a very pleasant moment, and there are no bombs dropping here. I pull myself back to the here and now, and allow myself this moment of quiet joy and comfort.

…In spite of my tinnitus…

My Traveling Partner is having his own experience. I sip my coffee and think about him, and us. We’re both very human. Both doing our best, and learning as we go. I’m grateful for this partnership, and more grateful still that he has been so deeply supportive of my emotional wellness, and my physical health, and even of my simple joy in life. I look around my studio/office at all the many little things that remind me of my beloved and this partnership we share. It fills me with joy to feel so loved. This love we share is a pleasant haven from the world’s craziness. I smile, feeling his love even from across the house. I’m glad that I’m feeling some better; there are so many things I’d like to be doing (and so many other things that simply need to be done)! I feel fortunate to have a partner who will help me slow down and take care of myself when that is the wiser choice – I don’t always succeed there, left to my own devices. I appreciate the help.

I finish my coffee, and think about the day ahead. I plan to relax and continue to focus on self-care and getting over the flu. That’s enough today. Tomorrow I can begin again.

I’m sipping my coffee (hot, black) grateful to have it. The hot liquid feels soothing on my still-raw feeling throat, although the discomfort is no longer up high near my uvula, and is definitely showing indications of having moved into my chest instead of lingering in my sinuses. I’m still unwell, but I’m working today; there is much to do as the year winds down, and giving up on it is not an effective strategy for making more money at some future point. (I don’t much like that this matters more to me right now than my fucking health, but this is America.) The box of tissues on my desk, alongside the hand sanitizer, and me wearing a mask, gives adequate caution to others that keeping their distance is a good choice.

My Traveling Partner woke me this morning, early, checking whether I was okay. I mumbled something about being okay, because for most values of “okay” I surely was. I was dead asleep when his voice roused me, but having wakened and seeing it was nearly time to begin a normal work day, I went ahead and got up, dressed, and left for the co-work space I typically use when the university library is not open. There was no traffic at all, but it was also too early to get coffee on the way. It was fine. I was awake, and the rainy drive was much improved by how little traffic there was.

None of this really “matters“, it’s just the set up for the punchline to a joke that isn’t actually funny. I let that go. I’m grateful that I feel well enough to face a work day, honestly. I’m grateful for the hot coffee that was available when I got to the office. I’m grateful for the instant chicken soup which proves to be far more satisfying than the coffee. I’m grateful for a few quiet minutes alone with my thoughts before this co-work space fills with other co-working professionals, and grateful for a desk that puts considerable distance between me and others. I’m grateful for my Traveling Partner, who does so much to care for me when I’m not well. I’m okay for most values of “okay” now, and I definitely feel better than I did yesterday, in spite of the cough I’ve now developed, that will likely linger for days or even weeks after I’m fully over whatever ick took me down in the first place.

…I can’t say I feel much like working, there’s just a lot to do…

I savor the hot too-salty flavorful instant chicken soup. There’s an intense comfort to it when I feel this way. It’s enough to satisfy what limited appetite I’ve got, and enough to genuinely “make me feel better”, every bit as much as the cold remedies I also took. Funny how “enough” changes with the circumstances, eh? On a beautiful summer morning, on some beach or forested trail, there’s little chance this off-brand cheap poor quality instant chicken soup would be at all satisfying, but here, now? It’s definitely enough and I’m grateful to have it. That brings my thoughts to the Giftmas holiday ahead. I think over the unwrapped gifts stacked in an out of the way spot needing to be wrapped and placed under the tree. Are they “enough”? G’damn, I sure hope so. They seem less than I’d like to be putting under the tree this year, but… this is what we had to work with for resources, and anyway, it’s more about presence than presents. I do like presents, no need to be coy about it, but it’s not “the big deal” it felt like in some years past.

I sigh to myself, eager to see the other side of the day, though it should be quite manageable and pretty chill, generally. Pain and illness color my subjective experience of work and even this one moment of quiet, solitude, and peace. It would be ease to slide into anger, frustration, or despair – I’m one bit of bad news or moment of Other People’s Drama away from it almost all the time, these days. Frankly, I’m appalled by the state of American governance, and it lurks in the background of my consciousness however often I attempt to resolve it, somehow. That is one of the “secrets” of human suffering; how often we choose it. I don’t bother with looking at the news today; the president gave another one of his rambling ill-informed misleading fatuous self-serving narcissistic vile and cruel speeches yesterday, and the news feeds will echo that slop for days to come. Fuck that shit; I’d be stupider for every word of his bullshit I allow into my consciousness. I’ll wait for any rationally fact-checked breakdown of that nonsense that may surface, but I certainly don’t want to expose my mind directly to that fuckwit’s voice. (If I’ve offended you, dear reader, my apologies. If you voted for that grifter and his corrupt clown car of cronies, I can’t say I understand your choice at all, but this is a democracy – for now – and it is your right to cast your vote as you will and endure the consequences of your choices, however ridiculous or hateful those look to me. It’s a shame so many other people get hurt along the way.)

I correct my posture, and breathe more deeply. Breathe, exhale, relax. I meditate. I make a point of crafting detailed mental imagery of myself as a woman standing in an airport, setting down baggage and walking away. I feel lighter for doing so, even though it is only an imagined moment. This is a practice that can bring real change of perspective and subjective experience. “Visualization” works as a practice, but indulged without consideration and care, it can drag one into a nasty negative spiral, too. Still a good practice, but associated (as many things are) with an inherent risk. Visualizing trauma and negative experiences or feelings can bring those much closer, rendering them in a very immediate and visceral way that can cause further damage. Visualizing positive experiences and moments (real or pure imagination) similarly renders those in a more immediate and visceral way, seeming to make them “more real”, and incorporating those feelings into our implicit “sense of being” in a truly useful way. Choose wisely.

I read an article recently that touched on the concepts of positive visualization for dealing with anger. If you’re someone who struggles with managing your temper in relationships, flaring up over small things that likely don’t rate that sort of escalated reaction, this one may be worth a read. Useful and practical, the basic idea is that imagining positive interactions, and reinforcing positive feelings about an individual, will tend to improve the relationship with the real person in real life interactions. That seems worth knowing, doesn’t it? Worth practicing? We become what we practice. It may be a poor choice to practice being angry and hateful… It seems unlikely that any of us would actually want to become angry hateful people. I sit with my thoughts awhile.

I stretch and refill my coffee. There’s an entire work day ahead to get through and much to do. It’s already time to begin again.

A noise woke me. It might have been a noise I made myself. It wasn’t loud, just some quiet but audible knock or clunk or bang, like something small had fallen to the floor. I got up and dressed after checking the time, and got the day started as quietly as I could.

“This is more like it,” I think as I walk a familiar trail in the darkness. It is 05:15. The scent of the air, the dark silhouettes of the trees against the cloudy sky illuminated by the suburban lights below, this is not San Francisco, nor any other notable urban place. This is home. This is Oregon wine country. The pace is slower here, and I’m grateful. Walking the city sidewalks before dawn in a big city may not even be safe, depending where I am. I feel safe here on this familiar trail. I never felt unsafe walking in San Francisco, but I also didn’t find any opportunity for peace, balance, or meditation on those walks, nor any solitude, really. There was always some traffic, and other people also walking (or standing, sitting, even sleeping in doorways).

….It feels good to be back. To be home.

My homecoming was delightful. There was a hot meal waiting for me. The house was quite tidy. The newest episode of South Park was available, and we watched it together as a family. The laundry (other than my own) was done, and only needs folding. The household felt peaceful and harmonious. In spite of travel fatigue, I stayed up a bit later than usual, enjoying my Traveling Partner’s company. He welcomed me with loving words and kisses, and a useful and beautiful box he made for me. While I was away, the Anxious Adventurer brought my art home from storage to be more safely stored at home. Working together, they even found suitable placement for the rolling cabinets that store many of my smaller pieces. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a fond and warm welcome after being away from home, in any relationship. I feel really cared for. I feel appreciated, understood, and respected.

I walked smiling, slowed down by a slight limp; my left foot is very sore for some reason, as if the bottom of my heal were bruised, and my spine is stiff with arthritis. I laugh when I think, momentarily, how this must “age me”, but I’ve had the arthritis since I was 26, and the messed up left foot and ankle since I was about 33, hardly a youngster, but certainly not “old”. (Barely “older”.) I’m smiling because I feel joyful and appreciated, and for now the pain is inconsequential. It doesn’t matter. I do get to my halfway point relieved to pause and sit awhile, grateful for the mild dry morning.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I slept well, and feel rested, although it was a short night. I generally retire much earlier, because my body (or mind) reliably wakes me very early (either long practiced habit, or sleep difficulties, it’s hard to be certain which, sometimes). The result of my “late night” is that I only got about five and a half hours of sleep last night. I’m grateful that it feels like enough, this morning. I sigh contentedly, at the recollection that I’ll be showering in my own shower this morning. I didn’t realize how much I am looking forward to that.

My paycheck hits my bank account a couple days early, a quirk of timing. The notification ping is my first communication with the world, this morning. In Trump’s fucked up terrible economy, it really makes a difference though, especially so close to Giftmas. I feel something I hope doesn’t become a feature of future holidays; relief. I wonder for a moment how often my parents may have faced Giftmas knowing three little girls eagerly awaited a visit from Santa Claus, dreading the knowledge they might have to choose between a little girl’s happiness and paying some bill? I didn’t understand then what goes into Giftmas magic. I do now, and my heart fills with gratitude and love and warm regards; they may not have been fantastic human beings, or great parents, but g’damn did they understand Giftmas.

I sit with my thoughts and my contentment and merriment. I’m grateful to see another Giftmas. I’m grateful for each chance to begin again.

I get to my feet to finish my walk in the stillness, as daybreak comes. It’s already time to begin again.

I get to the trailhead as a drenching rain begins to fall. Weather reports have identified the system passing through as an “atmospheric river”, and the temperature is mild (almost warm), and the rain has been frequent and sometimes quite heavy (as it is now), but this won’t last and it’s still dark outside. I can wait for a break in the rain.

I consider reading the news as I wait, but my news feed is filled with obvious slop and clickbait. I have no interest in “mental junk food”. The content we consume (in whatever medium, from whatever feed or channel) really matters. If we become what we practice, then it seems both reasonable and likely that our media consumption will change our thinking over time based on quantity and frequency (“practice”) – and with very little consideration of the quality or truth or accuracy of the content. (I say “likely” , but it has been pretty well tested and demonstrated that this is the case.) It has been shown that if repeated often enough the stupidest lies may begin to be believed. Politicians and advertisers count on it.

Your attention (and mine) has real (monetary) value to platforms, apps, and media companies. Those clicks and views are worth so much that any strategy seems fair (remember Facebook manipulating users’ emotions by making algorithmic changes to see what kinds of content get more views and engagement? remember Cambridge Analytica?). This hints at the potential that any one piece of media content in any format may be poorly fact-checked, or deliberately false or misleading. Just for your attention. Your interests are not being served in any sincere way; you have to look out for those yourself.

I do my best to protect myself from time-wasting or potentially damaging content. It’s not reliably obvious sometimes and I’ve settled on some basic questions about articles and videos to help me sort it out (and am fortunate to be able to count on truly important matters to reach me through my Traveling Partner and friends who have shared values, even when I don’t look at the news at all). Here are the questions I use to evaluate quality content:

  1. Does it rely on a clickbait headline to get your attention? (I avoid these.)
  2. Is it fact-based with citations provided, or an opinion piece? (I avoid opinion pieces, for many reasons.)
  3. Who wrote it? What qualifications do they have on the topic? (I avoid AI “authorship”, and writers of poor quality or poisonous content.)
  4. Who paid for the piece? (Why did they want it written? How does it serve their interests?)
  5. What is the purpose of the piece? (Is it factually accurate? Is it seeking to distract or mislead?)
  6. Who gets the most benefit from swaying readers to this opinion or understanding? (Where are they geographically located? Is the topic directly relevant to the goals of some special interest? Is this made explicitly clear?)
  7. Is the piece filled with affiliate links or banner ads? (I’m just not going to be subjected to that, and will block the source, the whole channel or platform, if it is common strategy there.)

The quality of what we fill our minds and time with really matters. I’d rather rewatch episodes of South Park than waste my time on some affiliate link filled misleading clickbait AI slop. (South Park is often surprisingly deep and usually very socially relevant.) Sure, it can be tempting to reach for a piece of candy or swing through the fast food drive through… but it can’t be called nutritious or healthy. It’s a pretty good analogy. I sit thinking about it for a few minutes.

The rain stops. I grab my cane and throw on my rain poncho as I step out of the car. I stretch and breathe the rain-fresh air. Daybreak soon. I start down the trail.

I get to my halfway point. The trail is soggy and I am grateful to have missed stepping in the puddles. The bench I like to sit on is wet, but the rain poncho makes a dry place to sit. I sigh contentedly. I am feeling rested and unbothered, which is a nice change from recent mornings. I start to think about work, but it’s not yet time for that, and I let it go. This time is for me.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I give myself time to reflect with gratitude on the things going well – like having more of my Traveling Partner’s help around the house as he continues to recover and grow strong again. I feel so much more capable and effective with his help than I do struggling to try to get it all done alone. I’m grateful to have a job that pays the bills and grateful for the cozy and safe house we call home. As this or that aggravation surfaces in my thoughts, I throw an “and I’m grateful that…” on the end of that thought, and defuse my irritation with acknowledgement of some detail that has value, and for which I am sincerely grateful. (Example: the rent on our storage unit has gone up, again, and I’m annoyed to have to move all that stuff to somewhere more affordable… And I’m grateful to have many local options to choose from, even on short notice, making it feasible.)

I sigh a bit impatiently. I am legitimately annoyed to have to do a storage move on a tight budget right before the fucking holidays. There really are other (better) things I could be doing with my time, effort, and resources, but greed doesn’t take holidays – it exploits them. I inhale the fresh morning air, filling my lungs, and exhale slowly, letting my irritation go with my breath. Better. Circumstances are what they are, and we make the best decisions we can to deal with them.

Daybreak comes. The sound of HVAC units on top of buildings some distance away mingles with the sound of my tinnitus until I’m no longer certain which I’m listening to. It is a new day, full of new possibilities and opportunities, and new chances to make doing my best a little better than it was yesterday.

… I guess it’s time to get started on that new beginning. I look down the path as a sprinkling of rain begins to fall. I smile to myself in the darkness, and begin again.

I’m sipping my coffee slowly, after realizing I sat down and started my work day without taking time for me, at all. This is strange behavior (for me), and likely a byproduct of lingering background stress, which seems mostly pretty pointless, and perhaps a bit ridiculous.

It’s a very human experience to be mired in stress that is “inherited” (as from another person’s stress) or “opted-into” (as with becoming stressed by choices to read or consume specific media known to cause stress, and possibly little else), or even illusory (or delusional, as with hand-crafted personalized internal nonsense that just isn’t “real” in any practical sense). Then, of course, there’s all the real stress that may be simmering in the background of an individual human experience…commuting…cost of living…lack of means or resources…some momentary hardship or disaster…the risk of any of these being imminent… Although there are definitely practices that can effectively reduce stress (a lot), feeling stress is part of the human experience. It’s pretty non-negotiable. Sooner or later, a human primate experiences stress. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I sign out of my work tools, and “look away” for a few minutes of self-reflection, meditation, and self-care.

Lately, I’ve been pretty chronically feeling (and responding to) stress day-to-day, more than I had been, for awhile. Some of it is cultural; I’m responding to what so many of us are responding to, because it’s part of our shared experience of watching American democracy struggle. Pretty terrifying shit, and I guess being stressed about it, at least somewhat, is “rational stress”, but it isn’t helpful to become mired in it, or to let it consume my precious mortal lifetime. Then there’s the “work stress”, but that is also pretty routine ordinary shit; I’m new in the role, and still feel a sense that I need to “prove myself” – but this is self-inflicted stress, and I could safely less this go… by letting it go. lol There is an act of willful self-care and discipline involved in releasing that kind of stress. The way out is through, and taking time for self-reflection, and for practices like “taking in the good” are going to be useful for this. The stress sourcing from “home stuff” is a strange stress smoothie of unrelated things: increasing costs, reduced resources, a vague unsettled feeling of job insecurity (a byproduct of being laid off a couple of times after relatively short time in various roles), things I’m behind on but really want to get done, and something I hadn’t anticipated at all – some stress around the changes in my Traveling Partner’s abilities, as his healing progresses. As stressed as I was trying to provide full-time caregiving while also working full-time, I had expected it to dissipate when that caregiving was no longer a massive day-to-day nearly continuous requirement. It hasn’t. Quite the contrary, I’m potentially a bit more stressed working to stay up-to-date with his changing capabilities and needs. I can’t assume his abilities or needs are the same as yesterday. It pushes me out of “auto-pilot”. I can’t really build a routine based on expectations of his needs. Things change and shift with each day, and I’m doing my best, but feel (often) as though I’m just a step behind on everything, all the time. Being fully present is a good thing, and healthy relationships need that presence and connection to thrive. Being fully present is also more work. I sometimes find myself overwhelmed by how much I’m trying to keep track of.

I’m not bitching, I’m simply taking a moment to examine where “all this stress” is coming from – so I can more effectively address any portion of it, at all. It adds up. I sit with my thoughts and my coffee, reflecting on life, love, work, and being human.

I give myself over to a moment of gratitude. There is so much right in my life, giving too much of my attention to the things that may be less than ideal seems wasteful and foolhardy (and a serious bummer).

I look at my hands when I feel my fingertips gently pass over a snagged cuticle, feeling the rough edge of it. The sensation distracts me. I stop myself from pulling at it. This, too, requires presence and discipline. The condition of my fingertips tells the tale of my background stress and general emotional wellness. I set myself a challenge; just for today, don’t pick at my fingertips at all. Just one day. I can do that, right? I think it over, and wonder if I really can. Brain damage and nervous tics and things of that sort don’t work the way a “bad habit” does, but the same “rules” often apply; we become what we practice. If I can practice not fucking biting my nails and tearing up my cuticles, it’s quite likely the behavior may be extinguished… eventually. I may need to replace the physical experience (the actions of the behavior itself) with something else that satisfies the signals reaching (or not reaching) my brain. I think about that, too. I’ve been having some success with a “worry stone”, when watching videos. I’ll keep practicing.

I hear a short bit of a song in my head. Again. It’s been there for days, now. It occurs to me that it may be percolating up from within, a message from me to myself to put attention on reducing my stress before it becomes a problem with serious consequences. I’ve been trying to figure out what song it is for days, because the only thing I hear in my head is the refrain, “Soothe me, Baby, soothe me. Soothe me with your kindness…” Sam and Dave. Finally figured it out. Yeah, it’s a funny little stress response, and not the first time song lyrics “speak to me” in some direct meaningful way.

Tis the season, isn’t it? Are you managing your stress sufficiently well? Have you identified where it may be coming from, in order to more easily deal with it? Are you running from it instead, and hoping for the best? Are you choosing to numb yourself with intoxicants, instead of dealing with it at all? Are you hoping it will go away if you ignore it? Have you started a meditation practice to help you manage your stress – or abandoned one because you feel you have no time for it? I’m of the opinion that life should not (ideally) feel like a hamster wheel. I prefer life to feel like a walk on a well-maintained path, myself, but that isn’t always the experience I have. I chuckle to myself; reality does not care a bit about my opinions, and never has.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. It’s time to begin. Again. I’ll start by managing my stress with gratitude, self-care, and a plan.