Archives for category: forgiveness

Walking and thinking on a damp chilly autumn morning. A fog clings to the ground, and wraps the trees.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

Interesting conversations with my Traveling Partner last night. Dinner together. Some videos. Nothing much out of the ordinary, it was a pleasant evening at home, in spite of being obviously impaired by pain, the both of us. When did I stop being able to easily “power through” and give a convincing impression of fitness? It seems recent? By the end of most days now, I just… can’t.

Still, there are better versions of me, and this is the idea that I’m giving thought to this morning as I walk. How to be the best version of myself moment to moment, in spite of pain, in spite of PTSD, in spite of brain damage, and in spite of aging. I’m not even looking for a cheat or shortcut. I’ll take the long slow approach, that’s fine. If this shit were easy the world would not be the festering shit pile of corruption and suffering that it seems to be.

… Hell, wouldn’t we all be better off if everyone at least gave a moment of their time to considering being their best selves? I can almost hear someone snap back “how do you know they don’t?”, and I know my response; look around you. That’s how I know. Gaza. Ukraine. Somalia. Rwanda. Yemen. Iran. Seems obvious more than a few people in power aren’t giving being the best version of themselves any thought at all. (When you vote, turn those fuckers out.)

So, I sit here at the side of this trail thinking about how to be the best version of myself. It matters to me. I’m not sure I’ll get there but I’ll be able to look back on a life well-lived in the attempt.

I breathe, exhale, relax. I meditate under a cloudy sky. The air smells of rain, fallen leaves, wood smoke, and petrichor. A lot of candle makers will charge you crazy prices claiming to be selling this scent. They never get it quite right. That’s the thing about the real experience of a scent or a place; any simulation, any fake, any artificial representation is going to fall short for anyone who has lived the moment. There’s something important to understand there, about artifice. I think about that awhile. Being my best self isn’t a “fake it ’til you make it” proposition. That doesn’t really work. Frontin’ like a player doesn’t make you a player. Dressing like a CEO doesn’t make you head of the company you work for. Playing make believe is…play. Becoming one’s best self is work and practice.

I inhale deeply and enjoy the sensation of exhaling. I visualize letting my stress go, exhaling it with my breath.

Wait, did I just dismiss artifice and play acting in one moment, then turn right around and use a visualization exercise in the very next paragraph? Yes, yes I did. Visualization, imagination, playing pretend, and even “dressing for the job you want”, all have a place at the table in life. Becoming the person I most want to be has some real work in it, and a commitment to practice over time. Lots of verbs. So much practice. No guarantee of success, and an implied promise of failure along the way. It’s hard enough just figuring out who we want to be. The work of becoming is its own challenge.

I get to my feet and stretch. I guess it’s as good a time as any to begin again.

It is quiet here at the side of this trail in the darkness. It is early, before sunrise. It is autumn, chilly but not cold. Everything around me is wet from rain during the night. The clouds are dense and the sky quite dark, no stars shine through.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I breathe in the chilly fresh damp autumn air, grateful to breathe easily, thinking my thoughts. The freedom to walk safely in the darkness in the wee hours is precious and I make a point to savor it. I have no reason to expect that I’ll always have such freedom. It’s a strange world, and very few things are truly lasting certainties. So, I sit here contentedly for a little while, just being. Grateful.

The night was a difficult one. I sigh to myself, from frustration, or impatience, or maybe because life itself is often difficult. It could be so much worse. I practice anchoring myself to this moment here, now. It is quite a pleasant one, and it happens to be the one I’m in. Handy.

I breathe, exhale, and relax.

I hope my beloved gets the rest he needs. It is hard on him too when I am having a bad night.

Yesterday was tiring. My annual wellness check with my GP was fine. I’m in good health for my age and considering my history that’s impressive (to me). I got my flu shot. Convenient. It’s a long drive away, though, and I was tired by the time I got home. I shared a quiet evening watching videos with my Traveling Partner. All very ordinary and happily mundane.

… I’ve been having bad dreams, more or less nightly, for awhile now. Dreams of war, of chaos, of having to “mask up” in response to some threat of chemical or biological warfare then discovering the chemical agent is inside the mask… Rough. Worse are the more abstract dreams. How the hell is a dream of a “rainstorm” of strangely sticky confetti a “bad dream”?! I have no idea. What does a dream of blood going down a drain actually mean? Lucid dreaming practices sometimes help me find my way out. Waking up is a reliable way to stop a bad dream, though it does not prevent them lingering in my thoughts, sometimes for days.

This morning I’m tired but clear headed. It’s enough to get by on. The weekend is coming. I am hoping to spend much of it in the studio. How do I most easily put a nightmare to rest? I paint its picture. It is a peculiarly personal way to exorcise my demons.

A sprinkle of rain begins to fall. I get to my feet to begin again.

Being ill during the work week is bad enough. Thinking I might be over it, and discovering just as the weekend begins that no, no I’m definitely not over it, sucks so much more. I slept most of yesterday away, after I got home from work. I slept quite late into the morning (for me), waking to find my Traveling Partner already up, already drinking coffee.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I got up. Stretched. Took symptom relieving medication (I woke “during the night” around the time for my usual meds, and took those then and went back to bed). Washed my face and enjoyed the feeling of cold water on hot skin. I readied myself for the day, such as it is. I expect to spend it mostly just taking care of myself here at home. I went into the kitchen to make coffee, greeting my beloved on my way past him.

…He grumbles about my presence; I’m sick and unpleasant to be around. I take my coffee into my studio…

I ache all over this morning. Maybe from the sickness itself, maybe from being in bed so much over the past… week. Fuck. It’s been a week. No wonder my Traveling Partner was so firm about wanting me to stay home and just take care of myself. This shit has lingered. I take a couple Tylenol and wash them down with my coffee, hoping it helps. Seems a healthier choice that reaching immediately for the big gun Rx pain relief. I remind myself to drink plenty of water.

I’m only half finished with this cup of coffee (which is excellent), and I’m already thinking about going back to bed. I sigh to myself. Definitely still sick. I am glad I ran errands Tuesday, although I was already ill then, and deluding myself that I was “mostly over it”. The errands got done, and I could not have done them on any day since. I breathe, inhaling deeply, filling my lungs. I exhale slowly. I pay attention to my spine, my shoulders, my jaw, observing each notable point of pain (places I know I “carry my stress”), and coax them to relax, each in turn. Another breath. Another exhalation. Another moment to relax. I may go back to bed soon, but I’m in the studio now. That puts a smile on my face that feels like it lights me up from within. I’m not up to much, but painting is not especially physically taxing, these days; I’m set up for the painter that I am now, not that much younger, more limber, painter I was in my 20s or 30s. (I recall with some amusement, painting a rather large piece in acrylic, and just not being able to find quite the right perspective from which to work, until I stood up, looming over it from above. I painted it standing over it, leaning down, legs wide for stability, blood rushing to my head, and managing both balance and control of my brush. I could not do that now.)

I look around the studio. There’s some tidying and set up to do before I can paint, because I took my paints to the coast last weekend. It seems so long ago now. I barely unpacked. S’ok. It’s something to do on a sick day at home that will keep me pleasantly occupied and feel just a bit like I’m doing something, instead of “wasting” the weekend taking care of myself. I sit with that for a few minutes. Why does self-care feel like “wasted” time, this morning? Why did it ever? Why does it now? Do I always experience self-care as a “waste of time”? I don’t think I do. Why now? Is it down to feeling resentful that I’m sick? These fragile mortal vessels are endlessly breaking down over some virus or microbe or injury – but the care needed to restore them to good working order isn’t wasted. It’s utterly necessary. There’s always so much to do in one mortal life. Being ill is what feels most like “wasted” time. I’m annoyed that I’m ill. I have other shit to do.

…And room for more…

I move around a bit. Set up the easel. Unpack the newly arrived Pastelbord. Put the brushes in their holder (which my Traveling Partner made for me). Unfurl the cotton dishtowels I use to protect surfaces (and other art) from pastel dust. Open the paintbox that holds my precious pastels – so many colors! I sigh contentedly, and for a moment being sick is irrelevant and I’m filled with joy. Odd that a box of colors can create such a feeling of wonder and joy. I savor the feeling while it lasts. (Feelings, like moments, are fleeting, impermanent.) I chuckle at the disarray. I foolishly left my paintbox open as it appears in the picture, and one day it got knocked to the floor by mistake. Pastels went everywhere, breaking as they fell against edges. I didn’t really sort them by color when I picked them up and put them back into their neat slots. I didn’t have it in me at the time.

…I don’t know which is more visually pleasing and artistically inspiring, the mad chaos of colors, or the carefully sorted arrangement by hue. My brain enjoys them differently, I suppose. As it turned out, becoming more used to painting it pastels, it became progressively more clear that sorting pastels into neat categories, rows, trays, color gradations, are all just ways to fiddle with the colors when no painting is going on. It’s not particularly necessary, nor useful (this is an opinion, your results may vary).

I finish my coffee. I finish my writing. It’s clear I’m still unwell. I contemplate going back to bed. I think about painting. The medications have all done their thing…good for what it is, but it leaves me feeling sort of dumb and slowed down, too. I think I’ll give in to that, go back to bed, and begin again later.

After a pretty poor night’s sleep, I got up early, my usual time. My Traveling Partner woke me, to ask if I would mind going ahead and getting up and starting my day, so he could sleep. I hadn’t slept well, but he hadn’t slept at all. I mumble “sure” and sit up.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I was dressed and gone in 15 minutes.

I was groggy and still a bit stupid as I left the house. I wasn’t sure what I’d do; not yet fit to resume my early morning walks, although mostly over being sick. I stop at the gas station and fill my tank, yawning. I drive to the local trail I favor, and park where the street lights won’t shine in my eyes and nap in the car awhile. I could have taken a seat indoors, at the Big Chain Coffee location nearest me, but I wasn’t up to dealing with people. Not yet. Too early.

My night was fragmented. My sleep was poor quality. The two hours I napped in the car were more restful than most of my sleep that preceded them in the past 24 hours. I wake to the first hints of daybreak. I’m feeling adequately rested, but still not fully recovered from being ill. I yawn and stretch, and give myself time to really wake up.

The food truck that shows up for the construction workers building the hotel on the other side of the parking lot is open for business. I stand in the queue, in the chill of the autumn darkness waiting my turn. A breakfast taco and a cup of coffee, $8.50. The coffee is not quite “bad”, but definitely also not good. It’s strong and it’s hot, though, and it warms my hands through the paper cup. I return to the warmth of the car.

… I’m betting I don’t have a full day of work in me, and mentally juggle the elements of my day with an eye for an early out.

I sigh to myself. Meditate. Write a bit. It’s not a fancy routine, but it works for me. I dislike being sick, it nearly always breaks my routines. Did I remember my computer? Yep, there it is. Computer glasses? Got ’em, no problem. Tissues? Power brick? Yep. I’m ready. I chuckle realizing I did forget to bring along a bite for lunch. I shrug to myself, thinking “it’s always something”.

A new day, a new beginning.

Daybreak comes, a hint of blue at the edge of the eastern horizon. The background noise fills with construction sounds. Machinery. Trucks. Shouted exchanges of information and instructions. I twist in my seat and stretch, as I yawn. The clock ticks on. I hope my beloved is getting the rest he needs.

I reflect for a few moments more, not on any one detail, more on the general ebb and flow of emotions, the changing season, the tick of the clock. I let my mind wander a bit.

I decide to head over to the library, to start catching up on what I missed yesterday. I can even get some work done, using the WiFi there, from their parking lot. And anyway, it’s time to begin again.

Lovely start to the day, today. Coffee with my beloved Traveling Partner before I headed to the trail to get a walk in before work.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I walked in the predawn darkness contentedly, on the edge of humming a little tune, but I can’t quite find the melody. I smile and keep walking. I’m okay for nearly all values of “okay”, and better than that for many more. In a word, in this moment I am content and happy. I walked along enjoying it without asking why. Doesn’t matter why.

I think about the woman I was in 1995. Why ’95? That was the year I walked away from a nightmare, and the year I lived alone for the first time, fully independently. It was a peculiar transformation and it took me awhile to catch up with myself. I spent that year beginning the search for the woman I wanted most to be. It’s taken a long g’damned time to get from there to here. By the time I reach my halfway point (on this walk), I’ve mentally drafted a letter I wish I could send back in time to that earlier version of me.

Continuity of memory is strange. It tends to suggest I am that woman I was then. I doubt that’s really true. She was reckless. Irresponsible. Angry (so very angry). She was prone to disrespecting boundaries. She had no clear sense of purpose, and her goal setting was shortsighted and exceedingly practical. Her path was not yet her own choosing. Shared memory connects me to her, but I am not that woman I once was. Probably a good thing, actually; she was headed for destruction.

Daybreak begins. The starry night sky gives way to shades of gray.

She could have done better, or been a better person. I guess so can I, even now. I sit with that for a little while. Later today, therapy, and a manicure. It is a Friday. I think about the weekend ahead. I think about beginnings and I think about love.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. A new beginning starts right here. A chance to be my best self, a better partner, a better friend. I like beginning again. Each day is a new experience, a new chance to choose and to do better… a new opportunity to love and to walk my path. It’s enough.

I breathe the autumn air deeply. It’s already time to walk on, and begin again.