It’s well into the afternoon. I’m done with work, both the day and the week. I’ve been out onto the beach, eating a picnic lunch (hounded by seagulls) and snapping pictures (at least the seagulls were willing to pose). I’m back to the room, weary and happy, and a bit chilly.
“May I join you…?”
It says something that my fully charged phone is now down to 12% battery after taking pictures of this-n-that as I walked. That’s a lot of pictures. I count 106 photos today, and 4 videos. lol It was a satisfying walk. My tracker says almost 2 miles. I’m okay with that; it’s neither a competition nor is it a race. No trophy. No accolades. Just a couple miles on my boots, and a happy smile. I’ll probably sleep well tonight.
Returning to the warmth and comfort of the hotel room, I swap shoes for slippers, and put on water for a cup of herb tea (I’ve definitely had enough coffee). I put on my headphones, thinking ahead to music or a video, but end up just listening to the enhanced quiet of noise-cancellation (and my tinnitus). I say a silent “thanks!” to my Traveling Partner, who had recommended these particular headphones – the freedom of Bluetooth, combined with comfort and enhanced quiet. I’m a fan.
I forget all about tea, music, and videos, as I flip through the pictures…
The recent storms piled up extra driftwood, and left very little beach (this was shot very near to low tide).
I sign out loud contentedly, each picture bringing back some moment, a sight, a feeling…
Across the channel, the seals gather to nap in the sunshine.
I yawn. Might not make it to that cup of tea at all. A nap is starting to sound good… and I’ve got this book to read… I smile and stretch lazily. I can do what I like. I don’t know yet what that will be. I’ve got options. I suppose I’ll give it a minute, and then… begin again. 😉
I am sipping my coffee and reflecting on the day. It’s my Traveling Partner’s birthday. We’ve managed to celebrate 13 of these together, now. Hilariously, it’s been more likely that we’ll be together for this day than any other one holiday on our shared calendar. Over the years, we’ve missed a Thanksgiving or Giftmas or two, and a couple of my birthdays, and quite a few Equinoxes and Solstices… but generally, we’ve managed to be together for his birthday. I’m glad. This is a hell of a partnership, and he’s a pretty great partner (and person), generally – worth celebrating.
“Communion” 24″ x 36″ acrylic on canvas w/ceramic and glow. 2011
I’m listening to love songs (that are meaningful to me – or us – in the context of “us”). A younger version of me wouldn’t have found this at all comfortable. There was a time when my cynicism was so profound, and my disappointment in humanity ran so deep, that I just didn’t “understand” love – or believe it even existed in any real way. Certainly not the fairy-tale forever-romance version of love that infuses every “bodice buster” romance novel or Hollywood rom-com. I’m not sure I think that sort of thing is at all commonplace, even now, and if a person is so fortunate as to find such love, nurturing it and maintaining it over time is a whole other monstrous challenge. We’re human creatures. We reason poorly. We lead with our emotions without understanding our emotions. We bumble through our lives chained by our bullshit and baggage, and holding ourselves back with flawed assumptions and unstated (and unreasonable) expectations. Messy.
Sharing the love, and sharing the building. Destruction is far less joyful.
I’m in a different place with Love these days. I’m a believer. It’s funny how it hit me, too. We were commuting together pretty regularly, and one day, after we got off the light rail together to change to our (different) buses, we exchanged a hug. I had a Lady Gaga song stuck in my head for hours after that hug. LOL I will probably always remember that moment as the moment I fell for my Traveling Partner. Hard.
So many everyday things in my life were made for me by my Traveling Partner.
I sip my coffee as the love songs play on. So many memories, together. This day? It’s celebrating him. Like I said, worth celebrating. 😀 I already miss him, and it’s only been two hours since I left the house this morning. LOL It’s autumn, but I’ve got summertime in my heart – flowers, sunshine, and a deep and abiding love.
I’d say more about my Traveling Partner as an individual, but his privacy matters. He’s strong, capable, funny… he’s one human being that I’ve fallen for heart and soul, and I can’t even say “why” – I only know it feels right. It’s not always easy (for either of us; I’m a mess!) My greatest regrets in a long life well-lived? Hurtful words or thoughtless actions by which I’ve wounded my Dearheart, more than most anything else. What a rare and beautiful love. What a cherished partnership. 😀 I’m eager to end the work day and head home to spend time with him. ❤
(If you read this over your coffee, Love, I hope it makes you smile. Happy birthday, and I love you. I’ll see you in a couple hours.)
Another morning, up early for a walk, but instead I am enjoying a quiet moment of solitude, listening to the rain spattering the car (not mocking my intention so much as just the world doing its own thing). I sit for a long while just enjoying the sound of it.
I feel safe and at peace. The morning is quiet, if rainy, and pleasantly relaxed. I listen to the rain and watch the sky slowly take on color, and the horizon begins to reveal details as day breaks. The rain drums aggressively on the roof of the car like an agitated, nervous child. I’m warm and dry, dressed for a rainy day walk, if there is a suitable break in the rain (I don’t mind a drizzle and enjoy a misty rain, but this is more a drenching shower of a rainstorm).
Yesterday I spent the day making holiday cards. I’ve got a fairly short list of recipients, mostly family, and it was a fun activity. Today I’ll finish that project and tuck each card into an envelope ready to go to the post office on Monday.
I stir restlessly in my seat. The rain brings pain with it in the form of my arthritis flaring up. A walk would help, but I don’t see that happening this morning. I chuckle to myself; I’d certainly be on the trail at this point, if it weren’t raining so damned hard.
I smile and think fondly of my Traveling Partner. He delighted me yesterday by making excellent breakfast sandwiches after I returned from my walk. Totally a surprise. I stepped out of the shower smelling bacon, and found him in the kitchen making breakfast. Delicious. I felt so loved. It’s a feeling that lasts, and I feel it still. I sit with my smile and my thoughts, and hoping that he is sleeping in.
I don’t know what today holds, but if it’s another day like yesterday, my partner and I doing our own thing and hanging out together, it’ll be more than enough. I’m still coasting on that feeling of joy. I think about his project and mine, and I make a short list of things I also want to get done before I start a new work week.
I’m sitting in my car at a favorite trailhead listening to the rain batter the car and feeling it rocked by gusty winds. Dawn has arrived and daybreak reveals gray skies. I’m not surprised, and knew when I woke that it would likely be a rainy morning.
The drive to this trail is about 40 minutes. It was more than quiet. Without exaggerating, I can say that it was eerie, surreal, and strangely like an end-of-the-world sci-fi adventure; there was no traffic. There were simply no other cars on the road, which is so unusual I began checking the time repeatedly, wondering if it was somehow much earlier than I thought. I scanned the neighborhoods I drove past, looking for lights on, anywhere. The world slept, or had been abandoned, it seemed. It was spooky. Traffic signals operated normally. No other cars. I drove past a huge car dealership all lit up. No people. Past a hospital, no sign of anyone else. Past a shopping center, no one in sight. No sign of anyone else, anywhere. Super strange.
As I neared my destination, I came to a hill, and the one car I would see (on the whole drive) came the other direction, high beams on. “Asshole.” I said to myself when the driver didn’t turn their lights down, momentarily blinding me.
I continued my journey, musing about the high likelihood, demonstrated on my drive, that about half of the people in a given place and time are going to be assholes… Then I noticed that I had forgotten that my own high beams were on. lol …I realized that it’s probably also true that about half of the people in a given place and time are probably stupid people… And that it’s not going to be obvious at all which are which, just looking at them. I laugh out loud wondering whether I’m stupid or an asshole. I decide I’ve probably spent plenty of time in both categories over the years (don’t we all?), and make room to cut myself (and that other driver) a little slack for being so very human.
… Still super weird that I only saw one car on the entire drive…
I get to the trailhead safely and park. I sit listening to the rain and watching for dawn to become daylight, hoping for the rain to ease up enough to get a good walk in, happy to have something to do while my Traveling Partner gets some sleep.
The big oaks on the slope are a dark brown silhouetted against a stormy blue-gray sky. I’m still alone here, some time later, which is unusual but welcome. I listen to the geese overhead. The rain stops. It’s time to begin again.
It’s evening. The long holiday weekend is over. Pie has been eaten. A holiday meal has been enjoyed. Thanks have been given, and the holiday season has begun. The tree is up – and even decorated. It’s a lovely quiet evening.
One of the new ornaments, made with love by my Traveling Partner.
I’ve managed to irritate my Traveling Partner in some small way. Not with any intent to do so. Not even sure what exactly has annoyed him, but I don’t care to make it any worse, and we have spent the entire weekend together almost continuously. lol I head to the studio to work on the holiday cards; they need to be in the mail within the week to reach everyone before the Giftmas holiday. I look over my materials. Pick out some patterns I like and get to work on my layout. Using the Cricut gets easier with every project (even for me! lol).
It’s a nice sort of break. I make time for a moment of writing, too. It’s been quite a lovely weekend, and I’d like to make a point of appreciating that, and reflecting on this tremendous quantity of joy – soak in it, and soak it up, and fill my heart with all this love. It’s a nice way to spend a few minutes.
Making time for creative projects also fills me with joy. It’s a way of creating joy out of chaos or conflict that I find useful; step back from the mess, and create something new and beautiful. It’s a form of tidying up, I suppose, which also calms me and fills me with joy. Creating order from disorder is, for me, a self-care practice. 😀
How was your holiday? Have you taken time to cherish the moments of joy? Have you shared them with others in conversation or correspondence? If the holiday was less than ideally joy-filled, putting focus on the things that did work is a nice way to bring some balance to your recollections. I breathe. Relax. Smile. It’s been a lovely holiday, and it doesn’t require much in the way of effort to reflect on the joy it brings me – but what does require effort is to make the time to do that willfully, with intention. So, I do that while I’m taking time for myself in the studio. Creative work. Emotional work. They “play nicely together”. 😀
Evening Light 