I’m sipping a surprisingly good cup of hotel room coffee, alternating with drinks of water – this is the desert. Drinking water becomes self-care priority one. The coffee is warm, not hot – I made it before I took my not-quite-cold shower. I pause for a moment to consider how my preferences changed, moving from one climate to another.
…Good coffee…
The changes in my medications seem to be serving me well here in the desert. I rather expected to puff up like a marshmallow in a vacuum chamber, the way I often do in very hot places. Not this time (so far). I wonder which medication is responsible, but since I honestly don’t actually know if it is one or a combination, or even simply having “things in better balance” just generally, my thoughts go nowhere. I let them go, and continue to sip my coffee.
It seems the sort of place where the sun itself might choose to vacation.
The sun has come up. I slept well and deeply. Occasional noise from traffic did not disturb my rest, nor were sounds of other guests intrusive (or even noticeable). The staff here is friendly and accommodating, the amenities are good. My colleagues are a merry band of amazing individuals. So far it’s a good time.
…It’s expected to get above 100F today (about 38C). It’s already 78F (about 26C). It’s not at all unpleasant, and there is a cool morning breeze. My bare feet feel quite wonderful on the tile floor. My now lukewarm coffee is still quite satisfying (funny how the quality of the coffee matters so much). The water in my glass is cold and refreshing.
Soon, breakfast with my colleagues. Then… on to other things. I breathe, exhale, relax, feeling centered and content with the moment as it is. It’s lovely.
What do you fill your time with? What about your thoughts? What’s filling up your headspace? Your relationships, too… what about those? What sorts of people do you fill your life with? I am sipping a bit of afternoon coffee (left over from the morning, honestly, nothing fancy) and thinking about life as some sort of … vessel… or… container.
We begin life pretty much “empty” – all potential.
I spent a lovely handful of hours with my Traveling Partner yesterday evening listening to music and enjoying each other. He got seriously into some Spring cleaning sorts of things and the house looks quite fantastically tidy (except for my spaces, which are as yet untouched by Spring cleaning – I’ve got some catching up to do). It was lovely and quite relaxing to turn my head and see only order in all directions. His eye for details is quite astonishing. Admittedly, I tend to be a tad superficial about such things, in part due to poor eye sight, but also due to finding myself entirely less willing to make most housekeeping tasks any kind of massive undertaking. (It’s an obvious flaw in my character to favor “easy” to the degree I do…)
…But damn does the house look amazing. Nice refresh. I’ll be thanking him for months, no doubt…
But about that “empty container” that is the start of our individual lifetime… how about it? What are you filling yours with? When was the last time you did a thorough rethinking of all that… baggage and clutter? What are you keeping you could be better served by letting go of? What are you hanging on to that only seems to weigh you down? How much of that shit your holding on to could be repurposed or made use of differently… and how much should frankly get tossed into a waste bin?
…Is your life “in order”? How about those important tasks that get put off on the regular… a will… emergency planning… that dark closet or basement into which all manner of miscellany is tossed to be dealt with “some other time”…? The clutter adds up.
So I sip my coffee and think about a room I’m not even standing in at the moment, and how I can best short the bullshit from the useful things. It keeps bringing my thoughts back to my life. What sorts of things am I clinging to that I could let go of? What sorts of bullshit are piling up that could be tossed out? When our thoughts become cluttered, it’s harder to reason, to plan, to make wise decisions. When our lives become cluttered, it’s harder to make time for what we feel matters most.
I sip my coffee and think and plan and wonder. I could use a new beginning on this one… I feel it. It’s time.
Time. What are you doing with yours? Such a finite limited resource in a single mortal lifetime, eh? It can drive a real feeling of desperation trying to “stay caught up”. I think of an old Joe Jackson song… I used to be seriously hung up about time (and timing). It was problematic and stressful. Not helpful at all, and the anxiety did nothing to improve my efficiency. That frenetic driven pace wasn’t particularly useful, and I often felt as if I was chasing seconds at the cost of hours and days. I don’t do that now (not generally). Instead, I let that go and practice living my life, instead. 😀
It’s a strange journey, and the distance between my starting point and my destination is sometimes quite a way to go.
The limitations time places on me, as a mortal creature, comes with a certain poignance, now and then, a feeling that “I’m not doing it right” or that “time is running out”… a sensation of a ticking clock, always in the background, counting down these precious moments… It’s an illusion, as is that sensation of pressure to do more faster. We’re mortal creatures, for sure, and that feels pretty limiting sometimes, but… a life well-lived feels – often – pretty “timeless”. I’ve been enjoying that sensation a lot, lately.
It’s not where I’m seated that matters most, it’s more about what fills my thoughts.
What enriches your life? I’m not talking about cash assets here. I’m asking what fulfills you? What do you want more of in life? How do you choose to spend your precious limited life time?
Sometimes I just need to get away.
I’m learning to make room in my day(s) for the moments that feel the best – love, loving, a good book, a good meal, laughing with friends, sharing my thoughts with my Traveling Partner, walking and thinking… there’s a lot to enjoy in life, and the time is short. Every moment of pointless bullshit or drama robs me of an opportunity to experience some moment of joy; the time is finite. Moments come and go, and once they are in the past, they are what they are were – for always. Just memories. I’m learning to make good ones. (Memories, I mean.)
There are signs of human endeavors almost everywhere.
My recent birthday camping adventure was well-spent on long moments of quiet reflection, and the joy of my Traveling Partner’s good company. I could have “done more”, or gotten more “activities” worked into the experience, probably, but what was filling my soul and nurturing me was simply sitting and enjoying that time that was such a departure from the routine. Calling it “fun” doesn’t really share the experience in a meaningful way. (It was a lot of fun, for sure.) I definitely really needed that time to chill and reflect quietly, and just observe the world in the form of breezes, waves, and blue skies, without all the fuss and bother of humanity’s comings and goings and frantic attempts to control time.
I took pointers on “how to relax” from the local wildlife, they’ve certainly mastered their method. 😀
I came home with a renewed sense of presence in my experience, and some new perspective. I came home feeling uplifted, and deeply in love with my Traveling Partner. I came home feeling comfortable in my skin and sure of myself. All good stuff. The best part? I came home. It felt good to be at home, to have a home to come home to in the first place, and to be there with my Traveling Partner was a hell of a bonus. Life well-lived? Working on it – and getting great results.
Sometimes the best thing I can do for the woman in the mirror is to pause, and reflect.
I reflect for a moment on the practices that work, the practices that have been less effective (for me), and sip my coffee contentedly.
We returned home from our camping trip yesterday afternoon. It was a relaxed trip, and a really beautiful drive, and we still felt the joyful vibe of our getaway as we got closer to home, in spite of the unexpectedly abrupt “return to reality” that resulted from city traffic on a Sunday, distracted drivers, and pointless rudeness from strangers utterly pre-occupied with themselves as they hurtled down the highway in their vehicles. I think we both could have done without any of that, but… it would have taken so much more to wreck our wonderful getaway.
The titular “small joys” were just literally everywhere as we spent the days of my “birthday vacation” together. Funny, we spend most days together, and very little time apart (since the start of the pandemic, and ongoing), but these were definitely special. So special. I feel loved. I feel supported. I hope my Traveling Partner does, too. We worked together as a team on our camping adventures, and that experience grew and deepened each day, and each time we packed up our gear, or set up or tore down our camp. Room to grow? For sure. Still – it was amazing time well-spent in the company of the human being most dear to me. Hard to beat that.
One small joy; the serendipitous utterly unplanned and unintentional image of a heart on my toast in the morning. 😀
It’s been fun. Remarkable. Memorable. Filled with love and laughter. We walked together. Laughed together. Cooked together. We spent our time together. Not just “in the same room” together – we really shared the time and the experience in a wholesome engaged way. I even felt we were “hearing each other” more easily, listening more deeply with greater ease, and sharing more openness. It was luscious and loving and just frankly wonderful. It was the two of us. I returned home feeling more secure about “us”, and more whole and comfortable in my own skin. Wonderful.
…I managed to avoid being eaten alive by bugs, and until the very last day, didn’t seem to have even one insect bite. At all. Now? Well… I’ve got some kind of irritation on the back of one hand that itches like fire (looks like a tiny spider bite, perhaps). I try not to scratch it, mostly unsuccessfully. I find great delight in refrigerated Benadryl cream. lol
Now? Well, today is my actual 60th birthday. As is so common, I just don’t feel any differently in any noteworthy way than I did yesterday. Well… except one thing; I feel re-engaged and energized to deal with my health and fitness. It’s not too late. (When is it ever, truly, so long as I can still breathe?) I guess that’s a thing, and I hope to get some value out of that feeling.
I’m enjoying my birthday. Breakfast out after days of wilderness adventure. Cake and ice cream. Cartoons and music. The company (and romantic affection) of my Traveling Partner. What a lovely birthday. It’s not over yet, either… I think I’ll begin again. 😀
Evening Light 