Archives for category: Love

Laugh a Little, Too

May 9, 2017 //

This morning I woke up smiling, as if still chuckling over a joke I’d heard and found hilarious, even moments later. I enjoy joy. Amusement amuses me. I scrolled through my Facebook feed over coffee, and made a point of just scrolling past the politics, making a point instead of focusing on what I find funny.

Time well spent.

Lunch on a park bench along the river.

Yesterday was lovely. That it was also a work day never really seemed relevant to enjoying the day. This job is definitely a better fit, for me. I find myself hoping I am also a better fit for them, than I was for the last one. 🙂

Summer sky through spring foliage.

I enjoyed the day fairly effortlessly, and made my way home at the usual time with more than the usual excitement; my Traveling Partner alerted me that he would be there when I arrived. 😀 We hung out. He’d brought along a friend. It was fun and joyful.

More time well spent.

I sip my coffee enjoying the morning, simply. The patio door is open to the pre-dawn breezes. It’s that time of year again; I begin the day cooling the apartment down so that it is quite comfortable and not stuffy when I get home. I enjoy the sound of the wind chime. I think about having a place of my own out in the country. It would be nice if the steady soft roar and whoosh of traffic in the background were not a feature of the soundscape in my daily life… how far “out in the country” would I have to go to escape that? Not that far, as it happens, just in a very different direction.

Isn’t that how a lot of journeys turn out to work, generally? It isn’t that far, but goes a very different direction?

I see the sun beginning to tinge the sky another shade of lighter, peachier-pinkier-hint-of-orange blue. I think I’ll watch the sun rise.

It’s a good time to begin again.

Tags be here now, begin again, being and becoming, breathe, emotional self sufficiency, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, meditation, mindfulness for beginners, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, walking my own path, what matters most?

Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Spring, Summer, The Art of Being

Choose Who You Become

May 7, 2017 //

It’s early. I woke around 3 am. I napped until shortly after 6 am. I’ve been cranking tunes since then, although it’s much too early for having the stereo on – sort of the whole point of headphones, so… no problem. Headphones it is.

Sunshine streams into the apartment through windows open to the morning breeze, blinds raised. The goosebumps on my arms don’t discourage me in the slightest; it’s the scent of flowers on the breeze that I’m after, and it delights me. Chilly? I would be if I hadn’t put on a sweater… it’s sort of the point of having sweaters, right? So, I put one on.

I caught a glimpse of myself reflected on the patio door, and another as I passed by the bathroom mirror. I’m not yet in the shape I’d like to be in, and my plump curves are a bit plumper than is ideal for my desired longevity and general day-to-day comfort and experience of wellness. Yeah, middle-age comes with some of that for a lot of us, I suspect. Taking care of my health over time matters, so I make choices that meet that need, including changes in diet, changes in fitness plan, and (at least for now) getting the medical care I need to address longer term concerns about my health.

Professionally, too, there have been (no doubt are, and will be) choices to make that could better or worsen my experience of life, itself, and even my experience of… self.

I sip my coffee – it’s cold now. I’m distracted by the music, and the sunshine on morning dew drops. I’m thinking about how much fun I used to have with the “character building” part of role-playing games; the fun of being able to choose who I would become. This morning I am understanding that indeed, this is a “power” I actually have – we all do. I can choose who I will become! I can choose my hair color, the clothes I wear, what words and phrases and style I express, and what qualities I will embrace… I create my future “back story” with the things I choose to do today… I can practice different behavior, learn different thinking, and literally become someone very different than I am today. I am already someone different than I was when I was very young. I can do it willfully, through selection of behavior, values, actions… or through mindlessly repeating memes, slogans, and succumbing to advertising and literal “programming” offered by the media. I can choose who I will become – or a persona to live within, like a tiny box, can be provided for me.

We become what we practice.

What are you practicing?

Begin again.

Tags be love, be the change, begin again, being and becoming, choose wisely, I am my own cartographer, if practice makes perfect what are you perfecting?, listening deeply, mindfulness, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, So watcha want?, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, walk on, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what are you practicing?, what matters most?, who are you?

Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Parables, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, The Big 5, Words

Breathe, Relax

May 5, 2017 //

I woke ahead of the alarm, feeling fairly rested. Within minutes of sitting down to the computer with my coffee, I was sucked into Facebook, and quickly found myself outraged. They got me. lol I put it aside and let it go. Even the most heinous political news is subject to this one caveat, and it can’t easily be argued with; what has been changed, can be changed. As little as that, such a small idea, and I am breathing more easily, I am more relaxed, and I am less agitated. I remind myself that however greedy, vile, callous, or stupid, powerful old rich white men die. (I know, I know, it often seems to take far too long.) Not my usual? Sorry, I’m less pleasant first thing in the morning when I have to face being a woman in Whitemanistan, just saying. The very soundtrack of my experience is altered.

What does “power” look like?

Damn. Still mad. Sorry… I’ll just have to begin again. lol

Flowers. Raindrops. Moments.

I take a sip of my exactly-the-right-temperature-to-enjoy coffee. I breathe. I relax. I turn my attention to the lovely evening I shared with my traveling partner and our friends last night. The smile on my face is immediate, and lingering. My posture changes. My breathing deepens and becomes more even. What we fill our attention and our consciousness with really matters. It’s a weird balancing act, too, because some of the vile bullshit in the world urgently needs our attention – all of us, collectively and individually, and turning away from it isn’t really an option… We all still need chill time, and a calm core of inner peace to thrive, as emotionally intelligent self-aware beings capable of sustaining healthy relationships. News media is selling a product, and our outrage is a powerful attention getting tool for generating clicks and views and likes and subscriptions. It’s about the revenue, not the “truth”. I sigh quietly, and sip my coffee.

What matters most?

I decide on a weekend without a lot of “digital clutter” in my consciousness. A hike sounds much better, frankly, or some time in the studio. I smile thinking back on the evenings with my beloved Traveling Partner this week; it’s been a rare joy to see so much of him. I feel secure in his affection, and wrapped in love. It’s a wonderful feeling. I smile, and ponder for a brief moment how such precious fleeting emotional experiences so easily become something we chase or yearn for, upending our lives in pursuit of what is not permanent – and can’t be. I’m glad I’m not doing that, now. I enjoy this powerful emotional moment, consumed for a time by its fragile saturating loveliness. It’s no surprise how easily such things become a perpetual “carrot on a string” dangling in front of my inner Bugs Bunny. lol Aren’t we each fools for love?

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” (from Shakespeare, sonnet 18)

I sip my coffee, thinking about love. Well… and also the farmer’s market, and carnivals… and country fairs… and rope swings at the edge of local watering holes. Summer. LOL It’s a cooler morning this morning, leading to a day forecast to be more spring than summer. I’m okay with that too. Neither spring nor summer truly have my heart, though I enjoy them while they last. 🙂 Love also has its spring, its summer…

Summer afternoons soon become autumn evenings…

I make a second coffee. The world is quiet, for now, but mostly because I don’t have my music blasting, nor am I cramming digital content into my face holes. There is a whole world of grief, of celebration, of noise, of drama, out there – more than enough to go around. I give up my share this morning in favor of stillness and quiet joy. It’s enough.

Love matters most.

Tags be here now, breathe, love matters most, The Art of Being, words and music

Categories anger, Anxiety, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, Spring, Summer, The Art of Being

No, It Isn’t “Easy”

May 3, 2017 //

“You make it sound easy…” I probably sigh and frown any time I hear that from someone. I don’t mean to diminish the real effort involved…in… anything. Choices. Changes. Practices. Beginning again. Being. Becoming. Nope. Not “easy”. I just keep at it, is all, and hope to notice change when it begins, to savor it as it continues, and to appreciate how far I’ve come. I am enthusiastic about living life – because that, all by itself, is something that has changed about me; I embrace life. It’s sort of new. It’s something I fought myself for, fair and square, and no… it wasn’t easy.

Battling depression, anxiety or rage? Not easy.

Working to lose weight – and I don’t mean that 5lbs you don’t find aesthetically appealing, I mean the sort of excess weight that could be life-threatening – losing weight at all? Not easy.

Struggling to gain weight? Not easy.

Making a change of heart that results in not being sarcastic and mean all the time? Not easy.

Learning to take care of oneself, with real affection and love? Not easy.

Walking away from relationships that don’t work? Not easy.

Building relationships from a place of authenticity, vulnerability, and openness? Not easy.

Saying no? Not easy.

Saying yes? Not easy.

Embracing change? Not easy.

Facing the human being in the mirror, fully honestly each and every day? Not easy.

Going after what I really want from life? Not easy.

Accepting myself precisely as I am, while also seeking healthy growth and positive change? Not easy.

Gnothi seauton? Not easy.

Mindfulness? Not easy.

Practices take practice. I am not making light of things when I remind myself that “there are verbs involved” – it is a literal truth; choices are an active thing. Practice requires efforts be made, and repeated – repeatedly.

I don’t know what your personal goal on this journey is, or even whether you have one that seems specific and concrete. There are no promises that you will get there – but if you just keep at it, you’ll get somewhere. No scorecard. No progress report. No letter grade. No performance review. No fucking guarantees of any kind. Life is just you and your choices out there on the trail. The destination is the journey. Every step is an act of effort, and some experiences feel easier than others. 🙂

Begin again. ❤

Tags ACT, are you going my way?, be here now, be the change, begin again, being and becoming, breathe, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, MBSR, meditation, mindful living, mindful loving, mindfulness, mindfulness for beginners, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, you know it ain't easy

Categories anger, Anxiety, Brain Injury, Free Will, Frustration, grief, health, Healthy Living, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, solo hiking, The Art of Being, Words

A Moment to Celebrate Love

May 1, 2017 //

It’s May Day. Maybe you are celebrating, too? Are you celebrating a festival of Spring? Perhaps you are marching for workers’ rights on International Workers Day? Personally, I am celebrating 6 years of marriage with my Traveling Partner. 😀 No idea if we’ll see each other today… likely not; it is also a work Monday for both of us, but our shared flexibility and comfort with living apart day-to-day prevents a lot of needless drama from erupting over those sorts of things, generally. I am okay if we get together over dinner or hang out awhile. I’m okay if we don’t; either way I am celebrating this delightful partnership of equals, today. 😀

Love.

Today I am listening to love songs, and smiling at memories of shared moments, flipping through photos of the past few years – those that we’ve shared as human beings, together on this bit of life’s journey. It’s enough to celebrate and honor the experience we share as lovers in my own heart this morning – there’s nothing about that which really requires us to throw money at each other, or deviate from our routines. What matters most is that we each feel it, and recognize this is worthy of celebration. Love is messy, tricky, and wonderful… and I am delighted to share it with this human being. Certainly, this is a partnership worth celebrating; I’m glad I have a day for it… I tend to feel pretty celebratory about this love every day, the calendar observation is sort of extra. 🙂

p.s. I love you.

Today, love is enough. 🙂

Tags 6 years, are you going my way?, be love, celebrating love, emotional self sufficiency, listening deeply, love, love and lovers, love matters most, love me do, love songs in my head, May Day, mindful love, p.s. I love you, relationships, sufficiency

Categories Love, Moments, Perspective, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5, Words

Laugh a Little, Too

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Choose Who You Become

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Breathe, Relax

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No, It Isn’t “Easy”

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A Moment to Celebrate Love

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