Archives for posts with tag: downtime

An Interesting Demonstration

October 21, 2025 //
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I walked through the early morning darkness alone with my thoughts. It’s a chilly autumn morning, and I’m glad I wore a heavy sweater. I am thinking about a recent demonstration that I found to illustrate a lasting concern I’ve had for awhile now. I’m not alone with this, a lot of people are concerned, though little is likely to be done.

…No, I don’t mean the wildly popular, well-attended, nationwide No Kings demonstrations over the weekend. Powerfully illustrative, no doubt, but not the thing on my mind. This other is… bigger. Deeper. Impacts more of the global society of humanity, and may be a warning of worse to come – things we’re not prepared for.

From Downdetector, around midmorning Pacific time.

I’m thinking about the AWS outage, yesterday. So many people and businesses now store data on, use services hosted by, or route traffic through AWS that the outage (which lasted many hours and disrupted many businesses and financial institutions) ground business to a halt in many places. A broad variety of services stopped operating. Companies whose support teams use browser-based digital communication tools suddenly couldn’t support the customer inquiries that were queuing up. Teams and individuals couldn’t get work done. Frustrated consumers unaware that this or that business now exclusively uses AWS for hosting and data storage became unable to function in the 21st century world of online everything.

Pretty wild that in such circumstances people so easily find themselves halted. Really? Do something else. Something real. Read a book. Go for a walk. Get some chores done. Leave the chaos to the engineers and devs who got this hot potato dropped into their laps in the wee hours, and get on with your actual life, damn. “Shit’s down, bitches! Let’s go outside.”

I laugh now, but I’m also concerned. Don’t we all have more to do in the real spaces of the actual physical world than anything online? Aren’t the precious few mortal moments we have in these finite lives worth more attention from us? Do we really “need” an online app to meditate? To read? To enjoy a coffee with a friend? To walk a lovely trail on an autumn morning? We are, perhaps, overly dependent on digital bullshit.

Before dawn, darkness and distant light.

I walked with my thoughts, and took a seat in the darkness, shortly before daybreak, to write and meditate. Nice morning. I’m not so exhausted, today. I definitely needed some rest, and it was a good choice to go to bed early last night. I woke ahead of my alarm this morning to the soft sound of my Traveling Partner calling out to me, “Baby?”, as if checking whether I was awake, or trying to get my attention. The house was dark and quiet and there was no sign my beloved was actually awake, at all. Probably just an “exploding head” sort of dream, although of a very gentle sort. Not uncommon, for me. These no longer cause me any stress; it’s just a dream.

Being awake, I got up and started the day, and here I am.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Life. The autumn air is chilly and fresh. There is a mist clinging to the ground in the low places. The world is quiet, at least right here. Right here, now, I am indifferent to whether any given tech platform or app works, and I don’t much care about the clown show of American politics. I’m just a woman on a trail, on an autumn morning before sunrise. It is an experience that needs no app, and no connectivity. Fine by me. 😂

… What would you do if it all crashed, and didn’t come back? If you lost the Internet, could you still reach the people who truly matter to you? Would you get enough information about the goings on in your world to get by and live well? Would you be able to continue to do the job you do now, or would it suddenly be of no use or consequence at all? Would you easily entertain yourself with conversation, books on paper, jam sessions with neighbors, and impromptu block parties, or would you find yourself stalled, bored, and unable to function? Are you wholly dependent on a tech toy that became a tool, and is now a crutch? Who are you without your digital profile?

I sit here feeling okay, myself. My Dad didn’t have much trust in computer systems, software, and “helpful” technology. He taught us to fish, to hunt, to garden, to raise small livestock and make use of the resulting resources. He handed down recipes, and skills. He taught us a lot of useful things, long before the Internet was a convenience or a concern. I’m grateful. The Army taught me more. Life taught me still more after that. I mostly don’t care when or whether the Internet or some particular app or platform is down. I’ve got books. 😂

A frown passes over my face with a chill breeze. Life would be hard without shelter. Without power, heat, and potable water… disasters come in a lot of sizes. It could have been worse than an AWS outage, for sure. I think about Gaza, and Ukraine. It could be so much worse. Genocide. Warfare. Bombs. Earthquakes. Disease outbreaks. Disaster can strike anywhere, and takes many forms. Am I prepared? Are you?

I sigh to myself. Human primates make so much shit more complicated than it has to be… mostly over greed, or seeking power. Gross. Do better, humanity, your survival probably depends on it.

Daybreak comes, and I get to my feet. It’s time to begin again. I’ve got this trail ahead of me, and a destination in mind. All that remains is to begin.

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Categories 2024 Election, Allegories, autumn, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, War and News of War

Sometimes It’s Me

April 3, 2024 //
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…Sometimes it isn’t me.

I’m sipping my coffee and savoring the sun rise. I’m not complicating the moment with stress or worries, or leftover emotions to do with past experiences (recent or otherwise). I’m just… here. Now. Being and breathing. Sipping coffee, black, iced. The local murder of crows has begun the day, too, and I hear their calls to each other before I see them singly or in groups taking flight and heading for wherever crows go when they’re not in the trees along the park. There were signs that it had rained during the night, as I drove into the city, and the clouds scattered across the sky suggest there may be more rain to come. I’m okay with that.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I let go of hints of lingering stress and anxiety lurking in the background. I breathe in deeply, and exhale slowly; I definitely need this break I am taking, and today is my last work shift before I go. I’ll have the evening, and much of the day tomorrow, with my Traveling Partner, then… two days for me, for self-care and reflection. “Downtime.” Much needed downtime, actually, and I’m glad I didn’t wait on it. I don’t have the resilience I really need for some of what life throws at me lately, and it’s an important matter to “refill my tank” and prepare for whatever may lie ahead on life’s path, as much as I can.

Another day. Another beginning. Another set of choices upon which to act. There are verbs involved, and my results vary. I just keep practicing, though, because incremental change over time is a thing I have learned I can count on – if I just stay on the path. 🙂

I’ve still got to walk my own path.

Perspective. We’re each having our own experience. Be kind. Do your best.

Begin again.

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Categories Allegories, anger, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being, The Big 5

A Dreadful Coffee, A Good Time

February 3, 2024 //
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My morning coffee this morning is truly awful. Made it myself, and I’ve made a few bad cups of coffee in this lifetime – this one’s a standout among them. lol It’s early on a Saturday, in a small somewhat shabby hotel, in a lovely quiet spot on the Oregon coast, though, and if all I have to complain about is a shitty cup of drip coffee made in a poor quality plastic drip coffee machine from provided (and likely ancient) pre-measured ground coffee… well… it’s a damned good morning, generally, eh? 😀 I alternate sips of water (cool and refreshing) and sips of coffee (g’damn this is terrible), and check to see what time the nearest good quality coffee may be available this morning (it’s “off season” and quite a few of the small cafes and such are closed on a seasonal basis, taking a pleasant break during the rainy winter months). 07:00 a.m. looks like the earliest I could go out and fetch back a good cup of coffee, and by then I’m likely to be wanting a bite of breakfast and maybe a walk on the beach…

…I think things over while I sip my bad cup of coffee, and lean on the experience as useful perspective, and a launch point for a moment of gratitude; as bad as this cup of coffee is, it’s here, it’s hot, and it’ll do what coffee does to kick start my morning. It’s enough, and I’m grateful for a world in which coffee exists and is (still) reliably available to a person of average means. (Realistically, that may not always be the case.)

…Good grief this is a bad cup of coffee though…

I slept well and deeply again last night. Sleep pulled me down into it’s dreamy depths relatively early (again). The walking and the sea air combine to find me truly ready for sleep by the end of the day, and it’s quite lovely. I slept a bit more than 10 hours and woke to the sound of ocean waves pounding the rip-rap at the base of the hotel property, feeling rested and refreshed. The hotel has been surprisingly quiet on this visit, and I’ve enjoyed that greatly. The morning begins gently, and I feel pretty good – less stiffness and less pain than yesterday, which is promising for the day ahead.

I shut off the desk light in the room – I don’t need it to write, and it obscures my view of daybreak and the sunrise-to-come. I smile at the fractional moon overhead, as it sets, and marvel for a moment at the way it shimmers on the bay. I open the door to the balcony, and the chilly sea air. A handful of ships in the distance reveal themselves by their lights; I’d never see them during the daylight hours without a more powerful zoom than any I brought, the their lights twinkle away in the dim blue of dawn.

A brand new day. What will I do with it?

I sip my coffee, feeling “more awake” as the quantity remaining dwindles. I think about breakfast, and choose a local favorite breakfast spot I haven’t yet tried. I listen to the waves, louder just now for some reason. I watch the gulls soaring and gliding playfully on the early morning breezes and the updraft alongside the hotel wall. The morning sky begins to shed its deeper hues in favor of something closer to a baby blue or a robin’s egg blue. Looks like a good day to wander and wonder unfolding ahead of me. I smile and finish my terrible cup of coffee, and prepare to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, The Art of Being, winter

Downtime

February 2, 2024 //
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I woke to a vibrating notification on my device, which was on a table on the other side of the room. The room I woke in was “a strange place”, and filled with light when I woke; I had left the curtain partially open expecting daybreak to wake me. It didn’t. It was almost 08:00 a.m., and I’d slept nearly 11 hours. My Traveling Partner woke ahead of me, and had messaged me the good morning greeting that ultimately woke me.

The view I woke to.

It’s a lovely morning. It’s hours later and I’m still groggy. I’m in a ferocious amount of physical pain this morning, and struggling to feel properly awake. It’s a feeling not unlike the feeling one might have after consuming too many “medibles” the day before, and then trying to wake up too early (which is hilarious, since I didn’t use any cannabis at all yesterday). I feel sludgy and slow and dreamy, as if trapped in some partially awakened state. I feel fairly certain I could just go back to bed, and continue to sleep still more. I laugh when I realize I may have subtly set myself up for this moment simply by being so eager to “get some downtime” – I made it okay with myself, and my brain took it from there. I can relax and take it easy, nap if I want to, laze around if I want to, chill with a book or whatever I please. Apparently… I’m tired enough that my body went all-in on getting some actual rest. LOL

I listen to the sounds of the waves crashing on the beach where the channel meets the sea. The tide is going out, and will be at it’s lowest today at about 12:30 p.m. That’ll be a great time to walk the beach, with the warmth of the afternoon sun on my back. There’s no need to rush. I teeter on the edge of going back to bed to nap or read (or read and nap)… or… making my way out into the world long enough to get a good cup of coffee. lol It’s a tough choice, this morning, and it seems likely that napping will win… on the other hand… this first coffee, this morning, is relatively poor quality hotel coffee, and I would very much like a good cup of coffee. lol I just don’t know, and I have all day to make up my mind (if that’s how I want to spend the day).

I spent a lot of yesterday morning and afternoon walking, and my legs ache, reminding me of it. Funny that I’m stalled in this here and now, betwixt decision-making, taking action, or just napping. lol I almost trick myself into thinking I “should” do something… but escaping the “shoulds” and the “have to’s” and the sensation of falling behind on too much that wants my attention is the entire point of this short getaway; letting all that pressure fall away, and taking my ease for just a day or two, and letting my mind rest are my highest priorities today. So.

I’ve no idea where this day will take me – maybe nowhere. I’ll find out when I begin again.

A visitor stops by while I wonder what the day may hold.
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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Moments, Perspective, The Art of Being, winter

Now

February 1, 2024 //
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The day began earlier than it needed to, and I am okay with it. I’m waiting for daybreak to get a walk in while my Traveling Partner sleeps. Afterwards, I will make a trip to the grocery store to stock up on things he likes (and can make pretty easily), and then do a bit of tidying up before I finally finish packing, load the car, and hit the road for a couple quiet days of (hopefully) restful downtime.

I spend a few minutes meditating. I look over my packing list for obvious omissions. I update my to-do list. I sit quietly, taking note of how my body feels, and “where my head is at”.

My tinnitus is loud today and I am in more pain than usual. I’m physically uncomfortable, but I also feel pretty good emotionally, and generally quite merry and eager to face the day. Learning to hold space for these very different experiences at the same time took a long time to learn, and longer still to recognize the value in doing so, but so worth it. Being able to acknowledge and enjoy what’s going well in spite of what’s going poorly is a way of preventing shitty experiences or feelings from wrecking my entire moment (or day). Handy, considering how often I am in pain.

I take a breath and sigh as I exhale. It’s early, but I go ahead and take something to help manage my pain. Self-care is important to my own well-being, sure, and it’s also something I can do to support my relationships; miserable people make other people miserable, too. I’m not miserable with pain yet, but I could easily become so, and that’d be a crappy way to start off on a few days solo.

I’ve packed my paint box. My camera is ready, too. I’ve put the Lord of the Rings “Return of the King” in my bag, planning to finish it. There’s very little packing left to do (my CPAP, my pillow, things I was using during the night mostly). I’m really down to doing things to maximize my Traveling Partner’s comfort and convenience while I am gone. I take a moment to sit in quiet contemplation; I am so grateful to have a partner who is comfortable with me taking a few days solo now and then, and who truly supports my emotional wellness.

I smile, thinking about how much I know I will miss my partner, even though I am choosing to be away, and really need this time. I also know I will return home eagerly and happy to see him, and to love and be loved. It’s useful perspective to miss each other now and then.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Soon it will be daybreak. Soon it will be time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, art and the artist, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, winter