Archives for posts with tag: speak truth to power

Get it while it lasts. I stepped onto the trail this morning feeling lighthearted and merry. I slept well and deeply. I woke feeling rested. I caught a glimpse of a beautiful moon setting through Spring clouds, stormy looking but only a threat of sprinkles, here.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

It’s definitely Spring here, now. Things are green, all around, and each morning some flower or tree begins to bloom. There’s enough pollen in the air some days to dust my black Mazda in a fine dusting of yellow. I sneezed walking down the trail, grateful to have remembered to add an allergy remedy to my morning medication, and remembered to stuff a travel pack of tissues in my pocket. It passes. Tree pollen gets me, just a couple species, but common here. I don’t let it stop me walking, as I said, it’s not that bad. I walk on to my halfway point and stop to write and watch daybreak become dawn. Soon enough every step will be in daylight.

A sprinkle of fine misty rain dots my phone screen. I don’t do anything about that. I’m sitting quietly thinking about my garden for some little while. Funny that the thought of various laborious tasks seem less daunting in spite of knowing that the Anxious Adventurer won’t be around to help with those, very soon. It’s the emotional labor involved in working with or alongside him; it’s too much, and often undermines the value of his help. I’m not complaining, just an observation.

I needed the help while I had it, and don’t need it so much now that my Traveling Partner is so much improved. I move slower than I did at 30. I plan with greater care, and have to account for physical limitations that change as I age. Sometimes I have to do things quite differently than I once did, but I am quite capable, and using my muscles keeps them strong. I’m eager to be in the garden again.

Another new day, another step on the path.

I’m not looking at the news. I know it’s bad. War mongers war-mongering, profit-seekers seeking profits, billionaire nihilists are assuring us all that their greed and destruction are good for society, pronatalists are begging everyone to have more babies, while christian nationalists remind us they only want white babies. What a fucking mess. I don’t need to indulge in the consumption of repetitive slop about that bullshit, not because it isn’t real (it very much is) or doesn’t matter (it definitely does), not even because I’m powerless (I have the power to choose wisely and speak truth to power), it’s just that I am choosing differently now, and this moment is mine.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. The Spring air is fresh and scented with flowers. The sky is a rainy day gray. I smile contentedly, thinking about love and laughter and roses that need weeding. I glance at the time and get ready to begin again. I chose this path, and I will walk it with purpose.

Wow! I am so proud of the people of this rural county, and the surrounding communities in the area. The turn out for various local No Kings protests was amazing. This is an area that mostly voted for Trump. It’s good to see them objecting to fascism, explicitly, as well as standing proud and defiant against foreign wars. Seeing them lining the main streets of the towns of Yamhill county was an impressive and moving sight. I didn’t take pictures; I don’t want to put people at risk of retaliation.

…It gives me hope…

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

My Traveling Partner came home from his trip to the city a little early, yesterday. I was happy to have him back, though I was enjoying my solitude. I enjoy his company. The evening was a pleasant one. Pizza and a movie, delightfully wholesome.

I slept in this morning (for some values of “sleeping in”, and woke to find my beloved relaxing at the dining table. Instead of rushing off to catch the sunrise, I stayed for coffee and we lingered over conversation until the Anxious Adventurer was also up for the day, getting ready for a work shift. Eventually I left, and drove up the highway to the trailhead at the nature park nearby, grateful to have enjoyed that time at home; moments are fleeting and unrepeatable.

…”Each time for the first time, each moment the only moment.” Be here, now. Ichi-go ichi-e.” Life is for living

I chuckled to myself as I drove up the highway. The gray dawn had already come, and there was no colorful sunrise, only a smattering of raindrops. I’m glad I took time for coffee with my Traveling Partner. Time well spent.

This moment, too, is worth living.

The Spring greens of the meadow and marsh are almost luminous as I step down the trail. The forecast suggests temperatures are too chilly for planting, but the plants that are growing wild disagree. The forecasted frost for this morning never came to pass, and the morning is mild and a bit drizzly. I expect I’ll be in the garden later. The thought makes me smile as I walk.

I sigh contentedly, at my halfway point, and take a seat on a fence rail. For a moment, fascists and corrupt billionaires and politicians aren’t on my mind at all. I’m watching the marsh creatures beginning the day, and tasting the Spring on the breeze. Occasional raindrops tickle my face, but it’s not really raining. The oaks are waking, and the trees in the distance have taken on a green haze. It’s all quite beautiful. No bombs, no craters, no rubble; it’s pretty shameful that we make so much effort to destroy the peace and beauty of Spring in other lands. We’re not the “good guys” we claim to be, as a nation.

I sigh again, this time with a certain tired resignation. “Resist,” I remind myself. It really does matter. Speak truth to power. Do not yield to corruption or cruelty. Live the values that lead you on the path to becoming the person you most want to be. Choose wisely. Persist. We become what we practice. I smile thinking how often I repeat such lessons and aphorisms to myself. Each represents some step on this path, and some moment of recognition and learning.

I get to my feet and tackle a side trail with a short distance that is a bit steep. I have to work for this, it tests my fitness a little, but it tests my janky ankle rather a lot. It’s worth it. The view isn’t great, but the feeling of getting there is. Few people come this way. It’s a quiet spot for meditation and writing. It’s an opportunity for a new perspective, and a chance to begin again.

… The clock is ticking, and I’m wondering if we still have time to change the world…

In this nation where billions are wasted on AI and warfare, people are suffering. It’s not that there isn’t enough to go around, enough to lift everyone out of poverty, enough to build a peaceful world of sufficiency and comfort for everyone, and even to provide healthcare to everyone… it’s that greed gets to the hearts of power first.

Hard times follow for many people, and it is frankly shameful…

I woke in pain, which means I woke thinking about work and bills and doctors and the grind that seems required to get ahead, stay ahead, and maybe finish with a little left over to pass along. In a nation with the means to spend the many hundreds of billions of dollars it takes to wage unwanted war on a nation that could not harm us, this is both annoying and honestly horrifying. You only have to listen to billionaires talk about people to know they don’t care about people beyond the potential cash value they represent.

I can’t honestly say that I “like people” in general. I’ve been hurt and disappointed too many times. But I value people, and I like many of them individually and cherish what they bring to my experience of life. I cherish and deeply love one person, now, and have loved others. Are billionaires actually capable of love or of valuing people, or humanity?

I walk the trail in the darkness with my blue mood and grim thoughts. I’m vexed that humanity has not yet given up on warfare. What a fucking travesty. What a waste of resources. The cost is too high. The money wasted could be better spent.

… I take my meds and hope that my pain will ease… Doing so reminds me of the ridiculous cost of medical care in this country. I keep walking.

I manage to dodge most of the puddles in spite of the darkness. I’m walking without my headlamp, which is a little silly, but I didn’t care to deal with the bobbing circle of light this morning. I just want peace. There is no peace. Somehow the thought of shining a light on this dark mood only annoys me, so I don’t. I just keep walking.

I get to my halfway point, still hearing the song in my head. “Hard Times” by Devil Makes Three is too relevant right now. I woke with this song in my head and a heavy heart. I’d like to feel differently. Maybe I’ll feel differently later. I ignore the tears sliding down my cheeks. I’m not looking for comfort; I feel things deeply, that’s a super power, not a character flaw. I let the tears fall.

Billionaire grifters dragging the world into war for a profit… This is not what I thought I was fighting for as a soldier watching the cold war end. Instead of a world at peace we’ve handed the future over to thieves at a bargain while we watch them burn it to the ground. The death toll is grotesque. The tears fall. Not just mine, falling helplessly and pointlessly over a war on another continent, but also the tears of loss and pain and terror of the many real human beings whose lives have been destroyed by wars no one needs, that serve no identifiable good in the world. It sickens me. …Or is that queasy sensation only my own physical pain? I sigh to myself.

I wish I were looking forward to the day and the weekend ahead. I get to my feet, tears wet on my face, trail wet from recent rain. I may as well walk on. I have practices to practice, and a life to live. I can begin again. Change is. Hard times come and go. Nations rise and fall. This too will pass.

The hot (so hot) coffee is soothing on my still raw feeling throat and warm in my hands. The morning is mild, and it rained during the night. This lingering cold was complicating my morning, so I picked up coffee on my way to the trailhead instead of after.

It was a good choice. Walking and drinking coffee at the same time makes for a slower, relaxed walk. I reach the halfway point at daybreak, even though I got started earlier than I have been.

Taking the moments as they come, enjoying them as they are.

I set my coffee down and reach for a tissue – and manage to kick over my coffee cup clumsily. Well, shit. I sigh to myself and shrug, picking up the cup. It’s not quite empty. I finish what’s left and crush the cup flat, and put it in my pocket.

Spilled coffee is not exactly high tension disaster. Once, a long time ago now, it might have been too much to bear, or felt like heartbreaking misfortune, in an unexpectedly fragile moment. My resilience was so poor then that any harsh word could crush me completely, and any misadventure, however minor, would wreck my day. I was aggressive, easily triggered, and prone to explosive emotional outbursts inappropriate in adult behavior. It’s not like that now, after years of practicing practices and building emotional resilience. Now I can even hear about heinous acts of pointless violence, and endure, without hours of weeping or withdrawal. I no longer “bear the weight of the world” on my own shoulders…at least not every day, all the time, until it crushes me like a paper cup. I make other choices and protect my peace.

I walk my own path.

…I care, and I do what I can, and freely speak my mind on troubling events in the world, and having taken care of my own heart, and my own peace, I can be more effective and speak with greater clarity…

I watch the gray rainy dawn bring a new day. It’s an ordinary enough day. Work…then the weekend, and the first trail mile in new boots. I’m looking forward to it. This stupid head cold vexes me. I could do more, better, without it. I sigh and start a coughing fit. Once it passes I breathe the fresh air deeply. It already tastes of Spring.

The new medication for my neuropathic pain actually seems to help fairly profoundly without making me stupid, knocking me out, or causing some nasty side effect worse than the pain. I’m enjoying the improvement. It has even “turned down the volume” on my tinnitus quite a bit. I’m grateful to my Traveling Partner for encouraging me to keep seeking a solution, and for sharing his experience on various medications he’s been given. We are not “the same”, but we are both human, and have similar physical challenges. Similar enough in some cases to learn a lot from talking about our experiences together, and supporting each other. I am fortunate to have this partnership.

A soft misty sprinkle begins to fall. No winter here, this year, not really. I sigh and chuckle; I enjoy the misty rain drops on my face. Still… the rain gets me to my feet, ready to begin again.

However straight and obvious life’s path seems at a glance… I can’t quite see where it leads.

Okay, so here we are. War. First things first; are there bombs dropping where you are, or is it a legitimate risk that they may? If yes, then please put this down and get to safety. I’ll still be around, later. You definitely have more important things to be concerned about, like safety, shelter, and potable drinking water.

Special Delivery, MC Frontalot – I earnestly wish this weren’t still so relevant.

If there are no bombs dropping where you are, and you are safe from harm, generally speaking, then please consider not immersing yourself in “war porn”. Read the news in words, no images if you must “stay current”. Or, you know, don’t. I’m not telling you what to do, just sharing what works for me.

I don’t want to watch bombs dropping – I already know what war looks like. I don’t need to watch hours of video footage of violence, destruction, and death. I have looked directly at the face of war. I don’t take it lightly, and don’t view it as necessary or needful or as a productive use of time and resources, at all. I am an anti-war army veteran. I’ve fought and been in combat. I’ve helped clean up damaged facilities and retrieved and cared for the dead. War is nothing to celebrate, even for the victorious; it is shameful, wasteful, and tragic.

People who wage war – who call the shots and send human beings to fight and die – don’t fight those wars or pay the price for the violence. I think they should. You want war? Then you pick up a weapon and go lead that fighting, you fucking monster. You go pull the bodies out from under the buildings you bombed. You answer to the grief stricken population.

I’m grateful no bombs are dropping here. I hope it always stays that way.

I take my usual morning walk feeling grateful and fortunate. I seem to be coming down with a cold (another one??), nonetheless, compared to being bombed, I’m quite fortunate. It is an ordinary Monday, following a lovely weekend.

I sigh to myself watching daybreak become a gray morning, without any hint of a colorful sunrise… but there’s also no rubble, no destruction, no death from above, no sirens blaring, no sounds of wailing or weeping. No fear. No stench of death or chaos. It’s another pleasant quiet morning at the edge of a small town, near where the vineyards meet the highway.

…We got so close to a world at peace, y’all…

Bombs or no bombs, it is a useful practice to take care of ourselves as best we can with the resources available. Breathe. Reflect. Be helpful, kind, and compassionate. Listen deeply. Lift people up. Use your words wisely, they are powerful.

I do my best to prepare my heart – and my resolve – to endure a world at war (again). I’m still hoping things may cool down once the billionaires and powerful grifters in office have what they want (that they could not simply purchase). I sit reflecting on how I can be truly helpful to the real human beings, the noncombatants affected by the trauma inflicted by war, if at all.

I take time for meditation. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’m grateful to be where I am, and even who I am. It’s enough. It’s Monday, and it’s time to begin again.