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Joy: Finding It, Crafting It, Sustaining It

June 2, 2024 //
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How to find joy; make room for it. Be open to it when it happens upon you. Savor the joyful moments. Allow joy to exist. Sounds so simple…

…Sometimes it’s not so simple and requires some practice…

I’ve got the trail to myself this morning.

My tinnitus is loud in my ears this morning. It can be a real irritant. I look for joy in the moment, and build that by listening for the breezes rustling Spring foliage and whispering through the meadow grass along the trail as I walk. I listen attentively to the birds singing their morning songs. I craft joy in this moment by filling my thoughts with pleasant recollections of recent other joyful moments,  taking time to savor them and fill my heart and consciousness with these precious small delights. Joy doesn’t require grand gestures, big purchases, or flare. Many of my most joyful moments are humble bright spots in life that might go unnoticed if I allow myself to wallow in misery instead.

…Funny how easily we can become focused on, and mired in, our most miserable moments, and how reluctant we can be to spend similar time and energy on the things that delight us and feel good…

Spring flowers are blooming.

Sustaining joy is largely a matter of being willing to put more attention on it day-to-day than on the many small shitty experiences that occur in a human lifetime. I hate pointing it out, but… it’s a choice.  No kidding. It’s as simple (and as difficult) as choosing joy, and choosing to prefer it as a priority for putting time and attention on. That’s truly difficult when stuck in some unpleasant moment or enduring some crappy experience in life, nonetheless, it’s a choice.

…In my darkness moments, I still could have chosen joy, instead (a rather annoying matter of will)…

It matters what we choose to put our attention on.

Yesterday was a good day. I spent it on housekeeping and hanging out with my Traveling Partner. He spent the day healing and working on his laptop. I cleaned the kitchen thoroughly and spent a little time sorting things out on the new Linux OS on my desktop computer. We enjoyed meals together, laughter, conversation… a very pleasant day. I take a moment to savor the recollection. I chose joy all day. Toward the end of the day a couple packages arrived… for me!

…I  keep forgetting my birthday is coming up in a few days. lol It’s not any sort of “milestone year”… and 61 doesn’t feel “important” beyond surviving to celebrate it at all. Getting a couple unexpected (extra) gifts from my Traveling Partner delighted me immensely. 😀 😍 🤩  One rather practical (ish) gift of camping gear; a somewhat fancy pour-over set for making coffee, and a wee jar of an exotic rose petal tea. I  sit grinning and feeling incredibly loved. This human being “gets me”. I feel fortunate to be enjoying his presence in my life…I’ve never been more loved (as far as I know).

My big birthday gift is a delightful marble run that my partner 3D printed for me, and which I assembled before my camping trip. It’s super cool and captivates me. I love watching the marbles going around! I enjoy “seeing chaos in action” and it’s a beautifully harmless chaos model.

Joy is a funny thing… like contentment (and unlike “happiness”), it can be cultivated, crafted, and sustained… but that does require choices to make joy a priority, and to put time and attention on embracing joy. Make time to linger on, and savor, joyful moments. Stop ruminating over and catastrophizing small moments of unpleasantness. Your results will definitely vary, but we really do become what we practice.

…Cultivating joy may cause you to become an actual optimist, which honestly isn’t so bad (although I don’t think I could have imagined it when I was deeply cynical and pessimistic)…

I enjoy joy… it’s enjoyable. lol

I smile to myself, thinking my thoughts and watching the river flow by as I  rest and write at my halfway point. It’s a good day for joy. I breathe in the scent of Spring wildflowers and listen to the birds and breezes. I fill my heart with joy before I head back up the trail to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being

Small Things

May 30, 2024 //
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In spite of my dreadful headache yesterday, and a brief moment of temper between my Traveling Partner and I, yesterday was quite  a good day. We enjoyed each other. Got some stuff done individually and together. Hung out. Shared meals. Laughed together. A good day.

Again today my allergies (tree pollen specific to the area) are vexing me, but I am grateful that the headache I had yesterday is gone. That’s a big deal for such a small thing.  Another work day, and already it feels as if I have been back awhile, although it’s only the second work shift since my camping trip. lol Funny how time (and our sense of it) works.

The sunrise had already gotten going by the time I left the house. Sunrise comes early this time of year. I happily hit the trail feeling comfortable and strong  which is a good feeling. I’m glad I remembered to shove some tissues into my pocket,  but aside from the minor inconvenience of seasonal allergies, it’s a lovely morning to be walking in the sunshine. It lights the leaves and blades of grass. The colors change as the sun rises. Earlier, a mist clung to low spots, now little birds hop and peck in the grass. I walk on, finally taking a seat on a bench at my halfway point to reflect and write a few words. My fingers feel the chill of morning, but the morning isn’t particularly chilly.

I sigh with a smile, enjoying the moment just as it is. I sit with my thoughts awhile.

I look over my calendar for the day. Routine.  One detail of working from home that I really value is the greater ease and convenience of getting things done. Running all the errands after a work day is insanely fatiguing. Working them into the day easily because I am near home is handy, and holds so much less potential to find that I have overextended myself! So, work and a couple errands? No problem. Easy.

I sit in the sunshine a little longer. It’s just about time to begin again…

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being

Sun Shining in My Eyes

May 10, 2024 //
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This morning the sun is shining in my eyes, though I’ve lowered the window shades to cut the glare. The season continues to evolve, Spring towards summer, and here I am with the sun in my eyes on a lovely Spring morning. I’m grateful. I don’t even mind the sun in my eyes. 😀

Small wins can make big differences. My appointment yesterday had a pleasant outcome; I don’t need surgery for a thing that seemed quite a big deal (to be something so small)… and as it turns out, it’s not something I need be worried about (at least for now, and maybe not at all). Win. I’ll take it. 😀 I sip my coffee with the sun shining in my eyes, feeling grateful. No surgery looming over me. Nice. I even had a very good experience with the medical care, and the physician, generally – I’m making a point to pause to appreciate that, because it hasn’t always been the case, at all, and I’m still dragging around some baggage over that.

I sigh and smile to myself. Feels like a good morning. It’s Friday, and it’s a short work day. I’ve got a manicure appointment at noon, and then home to start the weekend. Feels good. I sit with the good feelings awhile – there’s definitely value in staying with the good feelings for a little while. I think most of us don’t even notice the way we linger in our shittiest moments, reviving them for further scrutiny over and over again (as if that’s at all helpful), then just glossing over our moments of joy and contentment as though these fleeting moments somehow have less value than the shitty ones. (Maybe don’t do that, eh?) When I finally did learn how much value there is in lingering over my small joys and simple moments of contentment or delight, and learned to savor what is good in my life, the way my life felt overall changed a lot. Instead of a fairly miserable experience of existence pocked with occasional relief that felt both too-brief, and also likely to be “a trap” setting me up for future worse misery, my life became characterized by calm and contentment, with occasional experiences of sorrow, grief, frustration, or anger. Disappointment became… a moment. Anger became… transitory. Life began to feel pretty good, generally. I still have to make a point to practice “taking in the good” and savoring the best moments my experience has to offer. I don’t avoid or dodge life’s challenges, or pretend I can “manifest” them away from being what they are – but I can cope, because I know they are temporary. Incremental change over time – becoming what I practice – has meant that my life is, day-to-day, pretty good these days. It’s nice. (10 out of 10; do recommend. lol)

How does a person even begin to make this transformation? I think it starts simply enough; anger does not easily compete with gratitude. When I find myself beginning to feel angry, I deliberately pause and consider what I’m grateful for in the situation I find myself in or with regards to the person I am angry with. It helps “turn down the heat” in that moment, and gives me a chance to regain perspective. Similarly, with sorrow, with disappointment… gratitude is a great way to balance perspective. It’s not about “faking it”; there are often legitimate details in a challenging circumstance that we may feel grateful for, if we just take a moment to consider it from that perspective. Anxiety and fear work a little differently (for me), instead of gratitude, I reach for my curiosity, and my desire to know more and understand more deeply. The point, really, is to spin the difficulty such that I’m not mired in what is most difficult, so much as viewing it through the lens of other aspects of that experience – or making a point to deliberately consider something else altogether different, that brings other emotions into play, “unsticking me” from my hurt, my anger, or other similarly painful, harder to manage, emotional experiences.

…Our emotions are not the enemy…

…And “being emotional” is not an insult. The hidden win is to develop “emotional intelligence” and reliably good skill at appropriate emotional regulation (which can be developed… it takes practice).

I smile and sip my coffee. I take a moment to enjoy my breakfast salad (how did this so easily become “a thing”? Why haven’t I always done this? I feel so good in the mornings these days…). Another weekend already here… and that means another shot (Ozempic), another weigh-in, another opportunity to reflect on progress and become aware of slow steady change. I’m counting down the days to my camping trip, too… that’d be 9 days to go, now. 😀

What defines a luxury?

I make time for early morning conversation with my Traveling Partner. We talk about the deck (needs repairs) and the hot tub (older and super noisy), and the discussion quickly becomes the sort of productive strategy and planning conversation that really brings a new project to life… we decide to shut down the hot tub “permanently” (this one, at least), in favor of removing it and replacing it after the deck is repaired (rebuilt) with improved quality of life features in mind. These are things we’d talked about when we bought the house (4 years ago), but other things (reasonably) had to come first (like the roof). Homeownership has so many qualities I love over renting – “a place of my own” being top of my personal list there – and I do love the flexibility to change things as we’d like, but … damn… so much adulting required, and effort, and commitment, and time, and money… and… I’m okay with all of it. It’s exciting and satisfying, as each project begins and finishes. My Traveling Partner has great ideas and the skills needed to bring this to life. I’m eager to help, and see how things turn out. I’m definitely a fan of replacing the hot tub with a more energy efficient, quieter model. (I’ll bet the neighbors will be too; this old thing is super noisy!) Having a hot tub feels almost non-negotiable for me at this point, though… I get so much value out of it (pain relief, improvement mobility), now we’ve just got to sort out the details…

My thoughts wander from the here and now to a future I can see but can’t touch (yet). I feel hopeful – for a lot of reasons – and grateful. It’s a good feeling. I feel wrapped in love, and fortunate to have a really good partnership that enhances my life. I’m ready to begin again. 😀

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Categories Allegories, anger, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being, weight loss secrets

Filling the Empty Vessel

February 1, 2024 //
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I hit the road a bit earlier than I’d planned, but happily so. I got a few things done to provide for my Traveling Partner’s comfort while I am away, and did a bit of tidying up, too. The drive was beautiful – mild temperatures, clear skies with just a few fluffy clouds scooting past on the breeze, and sunshine – it felt like Spring, and there was no traffic.

A great day for a drive.

I arrived at my destination too early to check in to the hotel, so I went from favorite beach to favorite view point to favorite quiet corner, stopping to walk the beach, or sit in quiet meditation on a bench, rock, or driftwood log. It was a lovely way to pass solitary hours, and I arrived at the hotel nearer to check-in time with a smile on my face and feeling very relaxed.

After check-in, I discovered that the elevator was being serviced… so… several round trips from the ground floor parking up the stairs to the 4th floor room later, and I was finally “moved in”. 😀 I unpacked enough to plug in the computer, check my connectivity, verify my Blue Tooth devices were doing their thing, and put my phone on a charger. I unpacked toiletries to the bathroom counter. I grabbed my book, kicked off my shoes (put on my slippers) and sat down with a cup of tea and a contented sigh.

Afternoon sunshine.

…I woke up later, the sun going down and twilight taking over… my Traveling Partner had pinged me a reminder that a favorite creator has a new episode coming out tonight. I say thanks, and set a reminder; something fun we can “do together” while we’re apart. I like that. There’s certainly room in my experience for that kind of shared fun. 😀

I shake off the remnants of sleepiness, and drink my (now cold) tea. I broke 3 finger nails getting my luggage to my room, so I cut my nails back and file them smooth to reduce the chances that I’ll end up biting them down to the quick. I make a fresh cup of tea (chamomile), and drag a chair onto the balcony to watch the light fade – no beautiful sunset on this cloudy overcast evening, but I love listening to the waves crash in, and breathing the fresh sea breeze. It’s a moment to savor, and very satisfying just as it is.

The ceaseless ringing in my ears is almost masked by the sound of wind and water. My headache almost fades into the background of calm and contentment. My arthritic spine seems irrelevant in this moment. It’s lovely. It’s enough. I sit with it awhile – as long as I can before darkness falls. It’s a good time to enjoy the evening light before I begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, winter

Savoring the Good Moments

January 21, 2024 //
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I’m sitting at a trailhead on a Sunday morning before daybreak, waiting for the sun and sipping an iced coffee. It’s a chilly morning but not freezing, and I am warmly dressed, suitable for the weather. There’s a steady misty drizzle falling, but not the sort of rain to keep me off the trail this morning. I feel satisfied, calm, and content. Perhaps even happy.

I sit with this feeling, sipping my coffee and listening to the traffic as the occasional car goes by. At least for now, there’s nothing more important to do than to savor this moment.

Yesterday began well, and was quite a lovely day throughout. I hung out with my Traveling Partner. We watched movies and shared the day gently. I didn’t really get much done and ended up completely forgetting about the laundry I had started. The thing is, though, the laundry is less important than the time we spend together, and I definitely needed the restful day. Win, all around, really, especially if I don’t punish myself for “slacking off”, which I have not.

…Maybe I’ve grown? 😁

I sit, relaxed and ready, contemplating the value in savoring the small pleasures in life, and the gentle moments of joy. It’s made a huge difference for me, this one simple practice.

“Additive” changes tend to be easier to make (for me). Learning to make a specific point of also “wallowing” in the good moments – even ridiculously small pleasant moments of no consequence – has done so much more, so much faster, to improve my sense of the quality and character of my very human life. It’s been one of the most profound (and positive) changes I have made to the way I face life. It’s hard to overstate how useful this has been.

It’s easy to the point of being default behavior to wallow in a moment of pain, misery, or aggravation, which tends to blow it out of proportion in my implicit memory of my experience, generally. Doing so, over time, creates a fairly profound sense that “life sucks” more commonly and deeply than it truly does. For years I struggled to “not do that” without understanding that a “subtractive” change of behavior like that can be incredibly difficult to make.

If you’re just generally feeling miserable and as if that is always the way of it, I definitely recommend savoring the smallest of pleasant moments as a regular practice; it can do a lot to open your eyes to how common those are. 😁 Over time, doing so has so much potential to thoroughly change how life feels, generally.

Daybreak has come and the trail is clear in the dim blue-gray early morning light. I smile and finish my iced coffee. It’s time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Despair, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, winter
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