Archives for category: Allegories
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Something Like Normal

August 3, 2024 //
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I finished my walk with a contented sigh, and changed from my boots to my shoes, then looked over my list of errands and things to get done. I’ve got a couple stops to make on my way home. Routine stuff. “Normal.”

An ordinary beginning to a new day.

I look over my grocery list, hoping to avoid having to make several trips to the store, where one would do.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. It’s time to begin again, and I’ve got everything I need to enjoy a lovely day. What will I do with it? I sit with my thoughts a while, until the clock catches my attention.

I snarl quietly with cantankerous humor at the mindless “AI” (it isn’t) making suggestions regarding my grammar. Stupid thing can fuck right off. I’ve no interest in sounding “all same-y” as every other writer on the internet, so I’ll be using my own voice, thanks. lol That’s one very nice detail of being a human primates; I can choose the tools I wish to use.

I smile to myself, content with the morning thus far.

… It’s still time to begin again…

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being

This One Day

August 2, 2024 //
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How am I so sleepy after a good night of restful sleep? I yawn as I change from slip-on shoes to hiking boots for my walk. The sky is still quite dark to my eyes, but the camera sees the world differently, and picks up the blues and purples of the predawn sky. I get started down the trail.

To the human eye it’s much darker, but daybreak is coming.

I walk watching the hint of light in the sky slowly become a glow, hinting at the imminent sunrise. I keep walking, happy to see another one. Still yawning. (Pretty sure I could easily go back to bed and sleep awhile longer.)

It’s my first day back to work after my getaway to the coast. The only work day this week. Feels like I’m gonna need a lot of coffee… 😂

Step after step, I keep walking down the trail. It’s still dark when I reach my halfway point, although there are now obvious signs of the coming sunrise. There’s a hot breeze blowing. Feels like a hot day ahead. I sit with my thoughts, watching the sky change. Soon enough, it will be time to begin again…

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Categories Allegories, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Practices, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being

And Now a Few Words From Another Perspective

August 1, 2024 //
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Well, shit. Every now and then, just when I start feeling like maybe I’m “well” and whole, and not beat down by bullshit and baggage, and perhaps just maybe there’s something like a “happily ever after” potentially lurking around the next bend in the path… I have a day like today. It’s been a wild ride…

I spilled my Traveling Partner’s coffee early in the morning, mere minutes before we needed to leave for an appointment we could not risk being late for. It didn’t take long to clean up, but it disrupted my calm rather a lot.

The drive into the city got going pretty nicely, except for some reason my Traveling Partner’s phone wasn’t pairing, and once it did, it seemed all his personalized settings for the truck were gone. Annoying. Negative emotions carry a certain unfortunate contagion, too. It was less than ideal.

Traffic was routine, but the route the GPS selected, while familiar, was the most likely to be congested, and it was pretty annoying to drive past a turn that could have taken me down pleasant country roads. That’s on me though, eh? I know GPS is not “AI” – no intelligence, no understanding, no context to the decision-making. I could have chosen differently, but decided against it. My reasoning was poor, and I paid for that.

We got to the appointment in plenty of time, but in the process of getting the truck parked…well…I… Let me start by pointing out that a) I never measured the height of the truck with the tire on the roof rack, and also b) the height wasn’t noted anywhere obvious as I pulled in. Yep. I entered the parking garage, and as I turned around the bend to the next level up…I scraped the roof rack, tire and all, right off the top of the truck. 😦 Well, shit. Fuck.

…Not my best moment, not my best day…

…It could have been ever so much worse, and both the truck and I are entirely fine. The roof rack? Not so much.

My Traveling Partner got to his appointment. We managed to also get safely home, mostly in pretty good spirits. I went on with the day, dropping pill containers (shit!), knocking over books, bottles, objects… it’s just been that sort of day. Also… it’s been hot. Like seriously fucking hot, and I am grateful that the day was such that I got to spend most of it indoors, in A/C. Like I said, could have been so much worse.

Yeah. Fucking rough. Some days are. My pain is pretty well managed. Things have calmed down. It’s evening. The house is comfortable, and quiet. I’m fine, for most values of fine… and it’s enough. Tomorrow? Yeah, of course, obviously – I’ll begin again. (Again.)

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Categories Allegories, anger, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, Summer, The Art of Being

An Ending, A Beginning

July 31, 2024 //
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I woke from a restless interrupted sleep, head aching. I slept on something wrong, and I woke with mild vertigo, which is taking its sweet damned time passing. I woke with my guts in a knot, and drenched in a sticky sweat. I drag myself through something like a morning routine, eager to get to the part where I’ve made coffee, and get to drink it. It doesn’t really help (or hasn’t yet), but it feels comforting and familiar.

I got through the noisy bit of the night by sleeping with noise-canceling headphones on for a while. I woke, again, some hours later and the noisy bathroom fan in an adjacent room had finally been silenced. I thought I’d return to a better, deeper sleep, but instead the remainder of my sleep was filled with restless worried dreams that I no longer remember.

…This cup of coffee is pretty good…

I look around the room and sigh. I have to pack, and it’s time to go home. I’m less than eager to do the packing part, but I’m definitely ready to return home. I miss my Traveling Partner, and I am eager to be in his arms and in his good company again, although we really weren’t ever entirely out of touch. That’s a level of cruelty I don’t aspire to, even when I most need time alone. It’s nice that my partner misses me when I am away, and likes to stay in touch. I feel loved.

I gaze out the open balcony door into the peculiar gray sky. It’s almost sunrise, but it’s another one that I won’t actually see, obscured by dense clouds. I think about getting a walk in, but this morning I just want to drink my coffee, write, watch the sky, pack, and return home. (I’ll probably still get a walk in, after this first cup of coffee…) I think about how pleasant a shower will feel, and wonder whether to do that before or after I pack? Like other thoughts, this one surfaces, I consider it without really engaging with it more directly, and let it pass by like one of the gulls beyond the balcony gliding over the emptied bay. I spend a moment contemplating the bay’s changing views, mud flats at low tide, filled by the incoming tide and looking very much like a proper bay once the tide has filled it again. I could watch this view for days – and do, every time I come here. How many times now? A dozen? More? A reliably satisfying getaway, whether I go to rest and read, or to paint, or to walk the beach and take pictures.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’ve enjoyed this quiet self-care time. I feel rested and ready to resume caregiving… and a good thing, too! It’s already time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, Summer, The Art of Being

Expectations Go So Wrong

July 31, 2024 //
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It’s late. Or, it’s early. I suppose it’s a matter of perspective – and expectations. I expected to be asleep right now. From my perspective, it’s quite late. Too early to be awake, by far. It’s just a bit after midnight. I could be sleeping right now… I expected to be sleeping right now… I am not sleeping.

The guest in the room next door (or perhaps directly above me, it’s hard to tell) has left the fan on in their bathroom for what now seems an unreasonable amount of very noisy time. It surprises me that anyone could be sleeping through this ridiculously noisy fan. I’m certainly not. I’m quite wide awake.

I breathe, exhale, relax… and try to “get used to” the noise so I can maybe go back to sleep… (Am I even actually still tired, after “sleeping in” yesterday, and multiple delightful naps today?) I’m not adding annoyance or any particular amount of stress to being wakeful over the noise of a bathroom fan that is not mine, so… I could potentially go back to sleep at any point, once I’ve managed to get past being wakened by this noise. By itself, the noise could be super aggravating (once upon a time definitely would have been). For now, it’s just… well, I’m awake. That’s it. lol I’m awake, and I expected to be asleep.

I sip on a bottle of icy cold water. It’s refreshing. Eventually, I’ll go back to sleep. A couple more hours of sleep, and I’ll wake, shower, have coffee, have breakfast, and get packing to return home. I miss my Traveling Partner. I’m eager to be home. I feel rested and recharged, and were it not for this rather annoyingly timed bit of human misadventure, my away time has been quite nearly perfect (from my perspective). Fucking hell, I do wish someone would turn that fan off, though. LOL I keep sipping on this bottle of water; it is both too late and too early for more coffee.

I stepped outside on the balcony for some air, and it was delightful. I could see the stars – so many stars – and even the Milky Way. Wow. I stood there quietly, breathing in the cool ocean air, listening to the waves.

…Why is there always some asshole leaving a bathroom fan on in a hotel room??…

I sigh, and let go of my expectations. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’m here. Now. Yeah, there’s a fan going, and that’s not ideal, but it will, eventually, pass. Probably. Maybe. Or I’ll get used to it vibrating noisily in the background. I laugh to myself, and put on my noise canceling headphones for a while. I could probably sleep in these, they’re pretty comfortable…

…I’ll try this sleep thing again…

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Frustration, gratitude, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Practices, Sleepless Nights, Summer, The Art of Being
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