Archives for category: art and the artist

Alright, People, here we all are, Giftmas is over, and it’s time to get back to work, do the math, pay the bills, and pay attention to what’s going on around us. It’s time to begin again, isn’t it?

…What a lovely holiday it was…

A nice little stack of books.

Among my gifts this year, a book that may well be among the most important I’ll ever read (I’ve already started it). On Tyranny, by Timothy Snyder. I definitely recommend it.

Among the most attention-getting, thought-provoking videos I watched this holiday season was “Why Billionaires Should Be Illegal” by The Market Exit. I recommend both the video and the channel.

Isn’t it time to “level up”? Your survival may depend on it… Just saying, it wouldn’t hurt to continue to learn, and grow, and develop your intellect, and to think critically about the world. Standing around being outraged by the latest repeat of the news and firing off annoyed social media posts is sort of … ineffective, wouldn’t you say? It’s quite likely that people in power count on you being ineffective, ill-informed, and emotionally over-stimulated. My opinion. Perhaps I think too much…

I enjoyed some “me time” this week, focused on art, thinking about next steps for enhancing my selection of hues in my [relatively recently] chosen medium of pastels. I’d rather not compromise on quality or personal preference, and in my case that means I’ll need to break things down and plan ahead; colors are expensive. It’s worth it to put this amount of consideration into something I love so much (a lesson well-learned). I looked over my plan again this morning over my coffee, while some other portion of my brain thought about the book I’m reading, and the state of the world. Which colors must come first to say what I don’t have words for? It’s something I think about a lot.

No walk this morning. The wind was blowing ferociously, and the rain was falling hard – sideways. The streets were littered with downed tree branches, and in a couple spots there were road closures. As I drove toward the trailhead, in the direction of the office, I passed through Newberg; all the lights were out, and the signal lights at each intersection were dark. I passed through Sherwood, too; the lights were out, here and there, and the traffic signals at intersections were all flashing red in all directions. There was lightening at regular intervals in the sky to the north. Nope. No walk today. I went on to the office. It’s empty, and I have this space alone this morning. I arrive first; no coffee. There’s a sign at the reception desk – no receptionist today. They’re on holiday. It’ll likely be a very quiet day here. I pour a cold brew into a clean glass and get started. It’s definitely time to begin again.

…5 days until the clock runs out on 2024…

I’m at the trailhead, changing shoes for boots, and appreciating the quite nice Alpaca hiking socks I got for Giftmas from the Anxious Adventurer. They’re cozy and splendidly comfortable, durable and warm. I’m enjoying a chance to walk this trail in the drizzly daylight of Giftmas day. I have it to myself. I smile, and sigh to myself, filled to overflowing with contentment and joy, and yes – I feel happy. Thoroughly actually happy, which is a sufficiently rare feeling that I am inclined to savor it with a grin, and my whole self, fully present. I get on with my walk.

Gray and drizzly on the outside.

I get to my preferred halfway point. The rain isn’t much as rain goes around here, but even so, I’m grateful for the pause in the fairly steady drizzle, while I stop for a moment. The rock I’m sitting on is mostly dry. I covered it with my fleece to keep from getting my jeans damp as I sit. It’s a mild afternoon. After I get home, I’ll get started in dinner tasks. I’m making a roast in the Dutch oven. Should be tasty.

I smile to myself like a kid, without embarrassment or reserve; it’s been a wholly splendid merry holiday and I am still all aglow inside from merry-making and joy. We woke early, my Traveling Partner and I. We opened our stockings together, while the Anxious Adventurer slept, and later enjoyed watching him open his. So fun!! Then the gifts. We took them in turns, enjoying the moment with each other as each new treasure was revealed. Wow. Just… Wow. So much fun. I’m sure there are folks who spent more, or gave more lavishly, or selected more exotic gifts, but there’s no way anyone put more love into their holiday than we did into ours. I’m still reeling from how loved I feel. How…”visible”.

… This is definitely among my top ten best Giftmas holidays ever. Maybe in my top 5 (and I’m including childhood holidays, when Santa was as real as any other person)

Like a software upgrade for a human primate.

I’m eager to read each of the books I got (and there are several, each amazing), and to get started putting my own recipes into the new personal recipe book my Traveling Partner got me. It’s really nice and a great improvement over the tattered old one that has lingered from my first marriage. Everything about this holiday feels so… perfect. Crazy. Not sustainable, obviously, but I don’t expect such intense feelings of joy, delight, and satisfaction to endure. It’s a moment. Quite a splendid memorable happy moment, worth savoring and cherishing. It’s already time to begin again, though. Moments pass.

I smile to myself, thinking my thoughts. I gaze down the trail. It’s sprinkling again. Time to walk on. I feel refreshed by the walk in the fresh winter air. I’m grateful for the mild weather, rain and all. I think ahead to making dinner. It’s not a fancy menu, but the roast is a good cut of beef, by itself a treat. So many of these delightful holiday moments have been built on “simple ingredients”, handled well. There’s something to learn there.

I let my smile lift me to my feet. I breathe, exhale, and relax. Time to begin again.

It’s the day of Winter Solstice. Happy Solstice.

I woke during the night, and it was the strangest thing. I turned over, and the vertigo that washed over me woke me abruptly. I thought it was near time to wake up anyway, so I laid still and quiet, and quite straight and flat on my back, waiting for the vertigo to pass. Once it did, which seemed rather a long while later, awake in the darkness, I checked the time. 02:55. Definitely not time to get up. I made myself more comfortable and went back to sleep. There was a Billy Joel song stuck in my head, which seemed peculiar enough to wonder why, as I drifted off to sleep.

I woke again later, properly time to get up and head for the trail. My vertigo spun my senses as I tried to orient myself. Damn it, why now? It passes and I sit up, aware of the intensity of the pain in my neck and back. Rough. I’m feeling pretty fucking mortal this morning and find myself worrying about making things as easy as possible on my Traveling Partner should my mortality catch up with me unexpectedly… Time to focus on paying off debts and fattening up savings and having things properly in order… But… For fucks sake isn’t it always time for those things? I sigh quietly and get up. I’ve got shit to do, and the morning begins here, now.

My day begins in earnest with the kitchen sink backing up first thing. What the absolute fuck?! Are you kidding me with this shit?! I snarl quietly to myself, aggravated with someone’s carelessness. Eggshells jammed into the drain, but not down into the disposal, and the strainer cup placed over those, so it wasn’t evident that they were there. Of course they didn’t go through the disposal that way. G’damn it. I try so hard to be quiet in the morning but I definitely can’t walk away with the fucking sink backed up. I roll up my sleeves and clear the clog. So gross. First fucking thing in the morning, too; I’m barely fucking awake and I’m not ready for this bullshit. Fixed. I wash my hands and head out, still annoyed.

The drive to the trailhead is quiet and pleasant. By the time I get parked I’m over being mad about the sink, but I definitely wish the Anxious Adventurer would take a little more basic care moment to moment, particularly in the fucking kitchen and in the shop. That kind of careless bullshit gets shit broken, or gets people hurt, or creates risk of injury or food-born illness. It’s too easy to get it right. It irritates me that he makes extra work for me so often. (I know he doesn’t mean to.) I sigh quietly. It begins to rain. My tinnitus is loud in my ears. My neck and back ache ferociously, a column of pain rising from my waist to the base of my skull. Fuck pain. I don’t feel much like walking in a drizzle in the pre-dawn darkness, uncertain whether my vertigo may flare up again, so I meditate, and write a bit, and wait for a break in the rain.

I’ve a couple errands to run for my Traveling Partner this morning, and think about stopping in town for a quiet coffee and a visit to the art supply store… No reason, really, it just sounds fun and satisfying. It’s a nice day to do something for myself, too.

The rain continues to fall. I listen to the raindrops on the car roof and sit quietly with my thoughts until it’s time to begin again.

Maybe. I do. It’s pretty common that people struggle to take healthy breaks. I definitely suck at taking healthy breaks. I often push myself too hard for too long and then just… refuse to do anything for… awhile. This does not tend to be ideally efficient or productive, nor is it the best use of my time and energy. So… I’m taking a break. Right now. I’ve gotten a couple hours of focused work done. I’ve run an errand, then gotten back to the focused work. I’ve got quite a list of things to do, and that I could be doing…I’ve also got a headache, and my posture needs a break, and… well… so do I.

I got up from my desk, stretched without doing anything else besides stretching and feeling my body move, and feeling my muscles begin to relax. I shifted gears from working to being. I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea. (Although I generally prefer coffee, I’ve had quite enough already today.) I stood looking out the window while my tea steeped until the point of preferred “tea-ness”, and walked back to my desk. Not to resume work, not quite yet. I took a moment to just breathe, smell the delicous fragrance of my tea (Smith’s No. 14 Black Lavender). I take a sip – perfect drinking temperature. It’s hot, but not too hot, and the porcelain mug is warm in my hand. Feels like comfort in a cup. I sigh to myself and relax. I needed this.

…Maybe you need a break, too…?

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’m amused by the many articles I’ve read recently seeking to decry work-from-home and promote “RTO” agendas. I suppose there are people who are less productive working from home. There is certainly some percentage of employed people who prefer to work in an office environment among other people also working. There’s a certain sort of management type that definitely values in-office work, if only to more easily observe downstream employees working. My experience, however, as both an employed person, and also as someone who spent many years in a workforce management role actually monitoring humans working, is that whether I wanted it to be true or not, generally speaking, most people working from home work longer hours, with greater focus, and get more done in the time during which they are working. That it has additional value for people on the human side is a bit of a bonus. Funny that there are businesses trying to force folks back into the office. I find myself wondering who that is really for. Who really benefits from that? Probably not the working employees, themselves, or they’d already be doing it because they want to – and no one is stopping them from doing so. I think about that for a minute or two…

…Then realize those thoughts are, themselves, a form of working, and I’m specifically trying to take a break here!! LOL

(I suck at taking breaks.)

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I sip my tea. I stand up and move around my office, looking at paintings, small objects, things to do with art, and I think about that instead. I enjoy my tea.

…Then I begin again. Working.

It’s freezing this morning. Icy. 28° Fahrenheit. Quite cold. I’m grateful for the base layers, gloves, scarf, and warm clothes keeping me mostly comfortable as I walk the foggy trail.

Winter, or something very like it.

I spent part of yesterday painting, but my inspiration was a bit gloomy, I guess, and it crept into the work. Still, getting the submerged fears about the world out of my head is probably helpful anyway.

“Urban Warfare (world on fire)” 5″ x 7″ pastel

The rest of the day was spent finishing the dishes after Thanksgiving (I finally got to the pots and pans!) and decorating the house for the Giftmas holiday ahead. Later, in the evening, the new tree went up, and in spite of my plan to decorate it today, I found myself getting most of the ornaments hung as the evening faded to night. I woke to see the glow of the holiday lights down the hall this morning, and it delighted me to see the tree first thing this morning.

It’s Giftmas time again. Feeling merry.

Today? Routine. There’s housekeeping to do, and another work week to prepare for.  My Traveling Partner spent a good portion of yesterday in the shop actually working. Without help. I’m so proud of him and so impressed! I know it isn’t easy. It’s so good to see him doing things he loves. I expect he’ll be in the shop again today, things to do that keep him motivated. New tools. New projects.

We talked some yesterday about my PTSD challenges this holiday season. It helped to share and have his understanding. Doesn’t make it “easier”, exactly, just…yeah, okay, maybe easier. lol

It’s cold this morning. My fingers are stiff now and writing is difficult. I feel the cold more, sitting here watching the sun rise through the fog. I guess it’s time to walk on. There’s stuff to do and it’s time to begin (again).

Sunrise, foggy morning, Mt Hood in the distance.