Archives for posts with tag: choose wisely

I get so much peace and clarity out on the trail. Any trail, really, whether new or familiar, it’s more about the walking, the seeing, and the thinking. Moments spent on self-reflection and contemplation are precious and often useful for finding (or creating) depth and breadth in my perspective.

… I keep walking…

A clear blue summer sky.

The tangerine sunrise gave the morning a lovely golden color, and as I drove to the trailhead I watched it develop, stretching over the horizon. The sun took me by surprise, briefly blinding me, seeming to pop up from behind distant hills without warning, a fiery orange. I arrived at the nature park, surprised by the dense mist clinging in the low places; it didn’t seem to have gotten cool enough for that, but there it was.

I walked with my thoughts until I reached a pleasant spot to linger, watching the Tualatin River flowing by. I don’t generally stop at this viewpoint, it’s often “crowded” (for some values of crowded, it’s a popular spot). I’ve got it to myself this morning, and I’m grateful for the shaded little bench. Comfortable. Protected from the heat of the day that hasn’t yet arrived. I remind myself not to linger too long – I plan to make banana bread before it gets too hot to have the oven on.

The world is a mess right now. People with power or vast sums of money are pretty commonly quite terrible and working aggressively to increase their power, clout, standing, or hoarded wealth as quickly as they can pry resources away from people who already have too little. Grim. America keeping immigrants and refugees in cages. Israel planning concentration camps for Palestinians who have (so far) survived genocide. Russia willing to slaughter every Ukrainian to the last standing in order to expand their real estate holdings. Chaos and bloodshed everywhere, and every single time there is some profit making endeavor involved. It’s grotesque. We could do so much better as human beings.

… I think about small ways I can do better, myself, to be the person I most want to be…

Who are you? Where does your path lead? Are you living a life that requires a ton of excuse making and rationalization? Are you defiant when someone knows more than you do? Are you smug when they know less? Are you kind, pleasant, and approachable? Are you building bridges or destroying them? Are you even paying enough attention in your own life to know who you are and why? These are questions worth answering – or at least asking and giving some thought to. You tell the world what your values are with your actions, wouldn’t it be wise to have some understanding of what you may be saying?

Are you being an unpleasant dick because you can’t be bothered to take a moment for human decency and basic consideration? (You’re not alone, if you are, but it’s a choice with consequences, and also likely to degrade the quality of your relationships.)

What are you doing to become the person you most want to be? Who is that? Have you figured that out?

The future is unwritten.

The sunshine of a new day stretches across the meadow. I look down the path ahead of me and consider the steps along this path. The journey won’t make itself. I have choices. My results will vary – but it’s my journey, my path, and my choices. Every step and every moment is a chance to begin again and to do better. I breathe, exhale, and relax. It’s time to walk on. Time to begin again. I smile to myself and tell the woman in the mirror to go take a hike. The clock is ticking.

It’s rare to put things in order such that some need of my own really “comes first”. I usually put specific key responsibilities at the top of my list, obligations to home and hearth, family or colleagues, because doing the needful matters, and people are counting on me. Last night I chose to play a current favorite video game for a little while, instead of tidying up or hanging out with the family. This morning I’m writing before I do the budget (it’s a payday). Choices have consequences, and as I sip my coffee I find myself feeling like a jerk for putting myself first last night; I forgot to make tuna salad for my Traveling Partner, which he had specifically and fondly requested (he really likes the way I make it).

…Well, shit…

I sigh to myself and make a note to include an apology with my morning greeting, later. I could do better. Very human; my results vary. But, it’s also not helpful to kick myself over it for any length of time, once I’ve acknowledged my error, commit to making amends, and am ready to move on contrite over the miss, but also grateful that I did take a moment to treat myself well. I’ve just got to do a little better at balancing such things.

…I’ll keep practicing…

I sip my coffee listening to a bit of music, and getting my thoughts organized for the day ahead. The weekend is almost here. It’s a lovely summer day. I feel a peculiar pang of nostalgia for long lazy summer days of adolescence, hanging out at the edge of the woods with my boom box, listening to Atlanta Rhythm Section or Van Halen. Funny to feel it so sharply from this office desk, simultaneously feeling the gratitude and joy of living a substantially better life than I knew in those earlier times. Humans are weird. We cling so tightly to illusions of what was, forgetting for the moment the realities that hurt us so deeply. I guess it’s better than being mired in sorrow. I smile to myself, as I listen to a favorite song from a long gone time ago.

Another day, another set of choices, and new steps on this journey to becoming the person I most want to be. I know I can count on my results to vary, and I’m grateful for each new opportunity to begin again. Change is. This path definitely leads somewhere. I guess it’s time…

I chuckled when I read that Elon Musk is going to launch his very own political party, to give Americans a third option. It manages to come across more as a petulant tantrum than “news”. I laughed harder when Donald Trump retorted on social media (on a platform he, himself, owns – how is this shit newsworthy, at all?), like an angry teenager, that he doesn’t even care, because third parties can’t win (or words to that effect).

Firstly, and this is potentially unimportant, just a matter of accuracy, there are 11 political parties in the United States of America that are listed as “ballot-qualified” (but only two of those are qualified in all states). Musk launching a “third option” is actually much closer to launching a 12th, and then only if his new party manages to qualify for the ballot in more than one state. There’s a pretty good article on Wikipedia about political parties in the U.S., here.

Secondly, and this probably is important; the system for voting and elections in the U.S. has a near-certainty (just how the math works) of evolving into a two party system over time regardless how many parties it begins with, it’s just how “first past the post” voting works, and the electoral college does nothing to improve on that. A really fantastic breakdown of how elections and voting work, with a comparison of various systems, is available from CGP Grey. He breaks down the limitations of our present system nicely in this video – I definitely recommend watching this, and really thinking about how you vote, and why.

The “tl;dr”, I guess, is that it’s highly unlikely that yet another additional political party is going to produce great results come voting day; it’s the system (of government) itself that is broken, and not just the system of elections and voting we presently use, but also the system of ridiculously partisan special-interest and billionaire-focused decision-making used by our elected officials (in what way do billionaires “need” tax breaks but human beings don’t need affordable health care?). We could do so much better.

…Then… there’s this unavoidable fact; a great many people who don’t like Trump dislike Elon Musk just as much (or more), or don’t see much daylight between him and Trump’s swampy clown car of destruction, and have no interest in any political party established by Elon-fucking-Musk. I’m definitely among those. I don’t see the addition of a new party built on corruption, billionaire grifting, cruelty, racism, and sexism to be any sort of great opportunity for change. What change? It’s more of the same, from yet another out-of-touch asshole. No thanks.

Okay, so… it’s not even news, really, is it? New parties come and go. Assholes and grifters come and go. Hell, even ideologies come and go. Be alert. Think critically. Don’t get scammed.

I sigh to myself and let all that shit go. Knowing I would not ever join a political party founded by Elon Musk, and knowing there’s yet another 3 years of this Trump bullshit to endure, this garbage doesn’t even qualify as “news”, I suppose, and I’ve got a life to live, and things to do. I sip my coffee, and let my mind move on to other things, and this here and now moment – which is quite pleasant, and quiet. From my perspective, most days, the only party that actually “matters” is a party at home with friends in attendance for the pure joy of celebration. Our politics is a garbage heap. lol

“Local produce” – the vegetables from my garden just taste better.

It was a lovely weekend. I spent some of it gardening (carefully; I’ve still got the incision site on my finger carefully covered with a clean band-aid while it heals). I spent some of it hiking, cooking, doing a bit of housekeeping, napping, reading, and enjoying the companionship of my beloved Traveling Partner. It felt like a lazy weekend, but I managed to get most of the things I’d hoped to do done. The work week ahead looks like a routine one. The summer heat varies, some days quite hot, other days pleasantly warm without being terrible. I am grateful to have the Anxious Adventurer’s help; the lawn hasn’t died this summer, due to his care each day. Life being lived. I sip my coffee and consider how fortunate I am to live well at this point in my life, and what steps will take me into eventual retirement still thriving and living comfortably within my means? I know there are verbs involved, and I am grateful to have a partnership that encourages me day-to-day. We’re on a shared path, and I feel comforted by that even in these chaotic times.

…I sit smiling, gazing out the window onto a lovely summer morning, thinking about planning another camping trip, perhaps…? We had planned a family camping trip for this month, but my Traveling Partner is not yet quite up to it, although his recovery continues to progress. The Anxious Adventurer may use that reservation for a solo camping trip of his own – I find myself hoping he does, not because I want or need him gone from the house, but only because I think he’d enjoy that, and he’s worked hard over the past year. He could probably use a wee getaway to hike, take pictures, and generally exist on his own terms 100% for some little while. We can all use a little downtime now and then. Being human, and adulting skillfully, takes a ton of work, and it can be quite tiring. It’s healthy to take a break and recharge now and then.

…I remind myself to cancel that previously approved time off from work; I won’t need that (and I just had a week off recently)…

Ask the questions. Do the verbs.

The clock is ticking. I sigh to myself and sip my coffee. It’s a new day. What will I do with it? What choices will I make? Will I make the world some little bit better in some small way through carefully considered actions? Will I make someone’s day just a little nicer by being kind? Where does this path lead? I can’t see around the bend ahead, but I know this path won’t walk itself. lol It’s time to begin again.

There’s a storm brewing. I can see the dark gray clouds on the horizon, through the lush summer greenery of the tree just beyond the window. I think about the weather and the climate. I think about change. I think about trauma, memory, and strangely I also think about genocide.

A view. A perspective on a moment.

Have you stopped to wonder, even for a moment, what the results of the collective trauma of the Palestinian people will be, those few that remain after years of genocidal attacks on that population? What about the people of Ukraine, fighting valiantly to preserve their national identity in the face of Russia’s attacks on their land, their culture, and their people? It may be worth a moment of your time to think about it. Some of these people may one day be your own neighbors. Just saying, we’re all in this together, aren’t we? All human?

I sip my coffee and watch the changing light and shadows through the tree beyond the window. I think my thoughts. 4th of July tomorrow – what are you celebrating? National identity? National pride? (Is there so much to be proud of, right now?) Freedom…? (Freedom from what, exactly?) Did you serve in the armed forces? If you did, are you still proud of your service, considering all that is going on in the world? (Were you ever?) Did you achieve something? No, I mean… really. What changed? What good have you done in the real world that is worth celebrating? (Maybe it would be sufficiently celebration-worthy to pass through this mortal life without doing any harm?) I sigh to myself. Rhetorical questions. I’ve got my own answers, and they are less than ideally satisfying. I still consider myself “a patriot” – and I am ashamed of the willful cruelty and corruption of our government, and the harms we seem so willing to deliver to our own people, and so many innocent non-combatants around the globe. How do people rationalize being so terrible to other people? So destructive? So hateful? So… stupid?

I personally find 4th of July as a national holiday fairly pointless, and the way it is celebrated, with displays of colorful ordnance and barbecue, rather wasteful. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like a good barbecue. I just don’t personally see the value in blowing shit up (however colorful) to celebrate a military victory more than 200 years in the past, by people who have never gone to war themselves, can’t understand what they are celebrating, and apparently have no idea of the real cost in human lives and suffering of military actions. What the actual fuck? What purpose do the fireworks serve? Is the risk of igniting a wildfire actually worth it? Still, here we all are, eh? It’ll be nice to enjoy a long weekend…

…G’damn, Woman, just let people have their fun…

The doe who eats my roses.

Yesterday evening while I was in the garden, I saw the doe who has been strolling through regularly and eating my roses and my vegetables. She calmly watched me, unbothered. I strode right up to her, lecturing her most sternly about eating my damned roses. She seemed mildly surprised, but not inclined to leave. I continued to berate her most firmly, providing clear explicit boundary-setting about my damned garden and my roses. She listened quite attentively, but did not acknowledge my points (I did not expect that she would). I threw my hands up in frustration, and raised my voice a bit “now just go, and stay out of my damned flower beds!” She darted away, paused, then strolled off into the trees, unimpressed by my ire. I’m quite certain I’ll have to have this talk with her again. lol

…Good coffee. I find myself wondering again how much longer coffee beans will be affordable to regular people…

I’m feeling a little cranky and blue, then I remember that as an individual person, I truly do have some things to celebrate on the 4th of July, and they are each “freedom” and independence related. It was 4th of July when I left my violent first marriage. It was 4th of July weekend when my Traveling Partner and I moved into our little house in Yamhill County. It was 4th of July weekend that the Anxious Adventurer arrived and moved in (one year ago), a truly helpful presence at a time when that was utterly necessary. There have probably been other milestones that fell on or near July 4th, that don’t immediately come to mind. Hell, I haven’t even always been so cranky about fireworks as I am now. lol We change as people over time, with all that we learn and experience in life. Our perspective changes. Our understanding of the world changes. Change is. I shake off my blue mood and have another sip of my coffee, noticing that a bluer bit of sky has begun to reveal itself. Promising; moments pass.

I breathe, exhale, and relax – and get ready to begin again. This path isn’t going to walk itself. 😉

What we choose to consume matters. Fact is, all our choices matter to one degree or another. The results we get from any one choice over any other are reliably different. This is true of the food we eat, the books and periodicals we read, the services we use, the consumer goods we purchase, the platforms we subscribe to, the movies and videos we watch, and the politicians we elect. The tl;dr is that our choices matter, in our own life and in the world.

Businesses succeed or fail on their choices – and on ours as customers and consumers.

Societies rise, develop and fall based on the choices of chosen leaders enacting chosen policies.

We thrive or struggle based on our individual choices, and the choices of those around us.

It’s everything. From the choice of the food we put into our mouths (which could nurture or poison us), to the choice of who is best to lead us, every choice matters, every day, all the time. Are you up to the challenge? Are you ready to make willful, informed, eyes-open choices and also to accept responsibility for the choices you have made?

Are you even making actual choices or are you tumbling randomly through life with your choices being dictated by the opinions of others, or based on the constant media bombardment of advertising and “infotainment”? Are you even thinking your own thoughts, or has your mind been taken over by ideological bullet points, loyalty to party platforms, and AI slop?

…Who even are you?

Dawn of a new day.

As I left town heading for a favorite trail, I saw the beginnings of a beautiful colorful sunrise. I knew I had “missed my moment”. My timing would give me brief views of spectacular color, but no opportunity to do more than watch it as I drove. I faced a lived moment of natural splendor that could be appreciated and enjoyed, but not preserved. That’s okay. Hell, that is the truth of most moments. I don’t fight it. I drive on drinking in the scenery and watching the sunrise evolve from the magenta and luminous pinks to bold bright orange, then fading to hues of peach, salmon, and mauve. Gorgeous. Words don’t capture the moment.

I’m driving. Progress. The finger I had surgery on is still bandaged, but I’m back to my usual pain management, and driving, which feels good. My Traveling Partner suggests I take it easy today. I embrace that suggestion enthusiastically; I’m not quite ready to do housework, with one hand still impaired. He suggested maybe I entertain myself with a drive to the coast after my walk, and I agree that sounds like a great idea. Choices, eh? Today, and every day.

Our perspective on the world is informed through our choices regarding where to turn our attention.

I breathe, exhale, and relax – and set off down the trail after watching the last splashes of the colorful sunrise fade to a new day. Reaching my halfway point, I sit awhile on a handy fence rail at the edge of a meadow. I watch the sunshine light up the oak trees in an adjacent grove. Beautiful. Also choices. I don’t think about every choice I make, in every moment. Some things seem to flow one moment to the next in some determinate “natural” way, but these too are choices, and they are the sort of choices that can easily become problematic; they are not carefully considered and thoughtful. Even some brief pause between actions to consider the options is probably better than being on “autopilot” or following some path as though I were on rails (like a train more than a hike). I think about that as I watch little birds living their moments. “How much do they choose?”, I wonder.

Thinking things over is healthy. Critical thinking skills are worth developing, practicing, and using. It’s quite freeing to make a willful well-considered choice. Having real agency is powerful. These are all practices, and they are choices.

Choices upon choices requiring choices about choices – so many choices! I brush off my jeans as I get to my feet, still thinking about choices and the power we have to choose our path, and even the sort of world we want to live in. Every choice matters, and it’s already time to make the next choice and begin again.