Archives for category: War and News of War
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Lovely Day: How to Survive Disaster

February 5, 2025 //
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G’damn shit is getting real, lately. Seems like the nation is on fire, the world is at war, and the things we’ve learned to count on are all coming crashing down, doesn’t it? Sometimes? Stressful. I don’t have the answers, sorry – I’m still asking questions, and sort of wandering around with a “what the fuck??” look on my face. I do have some thoughts on getting through tough times, and some practices that have served me well, and continue to do so.

“Drone Strikes” pastel on pastelbord 2024
  1. Don’t panic. Well, okay, I mean – sometimes panic is our experience, but it’s not generally helpful. Take a breath. Take a step back. Give yourself a moment to think about things. Maybe just take a walk?
  2. “Sing a different song“. This is pretty literally a suggestion that the playlist you’re listening to be one that lifts you up. If you’re listening to angry music or music that pulls you down, you’re going to feel the weight of the world in a much heavier way (at least that is my own experience). Listening to music that lifts you up tends to frame things differently. It’s easier to have a pleasant moment when your heart is not heavy.
  3. Breathe, exhale, relax. Having a consistent meditation practice, over time, will pretty reliably give you some “breathing room” – a moment to connect with yourself, and pull yourself back to “now”, which generally speaking is probably not as bad as “everything going on in the world”.
  4. Perspective. As with meditation, making room to have a broader more well-considered perspective on events and circumstances eases some of the stress and reduces the sensation of being mired in disaster. Some things aren’t what they seem – so what are they? Stepping back from the media circus and reflecting on things quietly, yourself, and giving yourself a moment to consider matters differently can be incredibly helpful. What do you actually think about things? Where did your thoughts come from?
  5. Non-attachment. Another practice that connects with meditation, and perspective, practicing non-attachment is a useful way of separating your own here-and-now experience, and your individual actions, decisions, and circumstances from those of others around you, and this can help restore a sense of balance, and put some “guardrails” on an experience of being “consumed by circumstances” you can’t control. Don’t force yourself to be part of something you aren’t part of at all. Let things unfold with an observers mind, uninvolved, watchful, curious, uncertain.
  6. Self-care. No kidding – take care of yourself. Sleep. Drink enough water. Get some fresh air and sunshine. Put down the doomscrolling machinery. Read a book. Play a game. Have a shower and put on some clean clothes. Have a healthy meal. Enjoy a conversation with another human being in the real world.
I’m walking my own path. I am my own cartographer.

I can’t tell you “everything will be okay”, because I don’t really know that they will be. I can say – with fair certainty – that we don’t always know who is pushing information at us, or what their agenda is, or what they may gain from doing so, and if we are being emotionally manipulated, we won’t be “thinking clearly”. Give yourself a break from all that. Ask questions. Step back from the things that stress you out. Think critically – even about the things you think you believe most fervently. (And for real, y’all, do not trust strangers on the internet!) We become what we practice – if you want to be chill and calm and joyful, you may need to change your practices to get there. Change is. Choose wisely. The journey is the destination, and you are the one choosing your path.

Anyway. It’s probably time to begin again, eh? I should get started on that…

It’s always a good time to begin again.
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Categories 2024 Election, Allegories, anger, Anxiety, art and the artist, breathe, Despair, Free Will, grief, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, War and News of War, winter, Words

Snowfall; the forecast is not the reality

February 3, 2025 //
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I left the house in the usual way this morning, amused to see a dusting of snow on the car. It hadn’t been sticking on the ground. It was a loose powdery sort of snow that the windshield wipers easily brushed away. Snow was falling as I got into the car. Snow fell as I drove through town, and the streets were white with it in some of the colder places. “Funny”, I thought to myself, recalling the forecast from the night before, “we’re definitely below 500ft”.

…The weather forecast, complete with a winter storm warning, was pretty clear that the chances of snow were near 0 below 500ft, and more likely above 1000ft. Plenty of rain in that forecast, at the elevation where I make my home, which is around 150ft of elevation. Unimpressive as elevation goes. Agricultural low-lands. No particular expectation of snow in the forecast…

I drove to the office grateful that my chains were in the car, at least initially. The snow fell plentifully the first handful of miles. The closer I got to 300ft of elevation, the less snow fell. The peak elevation of my commute to the office is only about 420ft, if that. No snow. The pavement wasn’t even damp. Clear skies and dry pavement the rest of the drive to the office, on the highway and on the side streets, too. “Nothing to see here.” I chuckled to myself. There wasn’t much traffic for a Monday morning, and I felt certain a great many people likely looked at that forecast and made plans to work from home if that were an option (or to be absent from work due to the potential for inclement weather if it wasn’t). The office is empty and quiet.

It’s a useful metaphor for all manner of anticipated or predicted disasters. The plan is not the event. The forecast is not the weather. The map is not the world. Panicking over what is not yet (and may not ever be) is an enormous waste of emotional energy, and a big contributor to stress. We humans tend to expect the worst, generally. I sigh quietly to myself, breathe, exhale, and relax. I pull myself back to “now” – this moment, this very real actual lived moment of my life – right now, and any time I find myself all wrapped up in something that hasn’t even happened, or isn’t happening to or near me. I’m not saying I “don’t care” about what is going on around me, just that it isn’t helpful to get lost in a moment that is not my own, and may not be happening at all. There’s a lot of completely misleading bullshit in the media we consume, that isn’t true or real at all, and often things that are true are presented in a way that provokes far more emotion or demands more attention than is useful or necessary. Perspective is a handy stress-reliever. Non-attachment is a good practice. Finding peace in presence is healthy.

…None of this defies what is true and real; there are some really terrible things going on in the world. It’s just that we may be more able to provide whatever help we can if we’re not freaked out and stressed over the things that are far removed from our lives, or quite abstract, or not actually happening (yet)…

Another breath. I sip my coffee aware of my “winter pain”. The cold and damp make my arthritis so much worse. I take a moment to do the things I know help the most; I stretch, I move around, I take my pain medication, I distract myself with something engaging and positive, I breathe and set my timer for future breaks so that I don’t find myself stiffening up from sitting too still for too long. Practices. No, it’s not enough to get rid of the pain I live with, but the pain would be much worse without taking the steps I do. The rest is “noise”, and I’ve mostly gotten used to it. It’s not ideal, but it’s real; I live with chronic pain, like a lot of people do. Letting it wreck my life moment by moment isn’t helpful, so I do my best to avoid that (when I can). Today is better than a lot of days. Worse than some others. I breathe, exhale, and relax – and let that go. Again.

I think about the snow, this morning. It was so pretty while it fell. A beautiful moment, and like a lot of moments, so brief, so temporary – a lived moment that will never repeat. Ichigo ichie. It’s already time to begin again – here comes the next moment.

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Categories 2024 Election, Allegories, Anxiety, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, War and News of War, winter

Sound Sensitivity

January 24, 2025 //
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Used to be I had major issues with sound sensitivity, particularly in the voice frequency range. That seemed to be so much less problematic the last couple years, since shortly before the pandemic, I think. I never stopped to wonder why; I attributed that change to progress through therapy. Seemed obvious. Now I’ve got these hearing aids, and my sound sensitivity is back. lol Apparently I’d just been losing my hearing in the voice frequency range. LOL G’damn it.

I’m laughing over it more than anything else. Cosmic humor for those inclined to perceive (or create) a god. Last night I went to bed just a bit early, deeply fatigued from fighting to stay relaxed and merry in spite of my serious annoyance over “every little thing” to do with a variety of human sound effects that sourced with the human beings in the room with me. It wasn’t personal. Hell, it wasn’t even out of the ordinary – it was merely audible in a whole new way. I’ve got my hearing back, so it should have been predictable that I would also regain some measure of my sound sensitivity, and irritation to do with chomping, lip-smacking, slurping, clanging of dishes and utensils, banging of dishes and pots, stomping of feet, forced laughter, dealing with congestion, needlessly loud remarks when I’m listening to something else… all the regular human stuff. Fucking hell human beings are ridiculously noisy. I made the mistake of mentioning it aloud with some surprise at the observation, and instead of any sympathy whatsoever, what I got from the Anxious Adventurer (and primary source of most of the noise) was “maybe you should turn your hearing aids down”? (“How about maybe you try to be a little quieter – or at least show some fucking consideration and understanding, ffs?” Was my unstated response.) I was surprised at the callous disregard for my experience, and my somewhat hurt feelings and notable irritation were a major part of deciding to go to bed. I just didn’t feel like dealing with being treated dismissively in my own house by a human being who I expect to care about my experience at least a little bit and who receives a fuck-ton of consideration from me day-to-day.

…I may still have some unresolved feelings about this, apparently, I should deal with that. (So much for mostly laughing about it!)

I sigh to myself. The Anxious Adventurer may legitimately “not get it”, and is in some regards still half-feral. I remind myself to be patient and kind, and to coach more often than I snarl.

So. Yeah. There’s that. It’s otherwise quite a pleasant morning. I woke up a few minutes ahead of my artificial sunrise, feeling rested and cozy and warm. My morning routine was… routine (hearing aids and all). The drive to work was pleasant and uncomplicated, and traffic was light. The office is comfortably warm and quiet. The details of the day ahead seem well-planned, and I feel relaxed and confident. All things considered, a very good day for this one individual human being.

I made the mistake of peeking at the news headlines. This terrifying new administration is already getting going with excessive zeal with their attack on immigrants, without regard to the rights of citizens, military veterans, or consideration of basic human decency – it’s appalling, and shameful. Attacks on the basic human rights of women are already beginning. Attacks on the fundamentals of democracy itself, too. The whole thing is a grotesque mockery of anything to do with America. I don’t know what I expected, and I guess I’m not surprised; when someone tells you who they are, believe them. The voters knew they were electing a misogynist xenophobic criminal fraudster in November, and they did it anyway. Horrifying, yes. Shocking, maybe. A surprise? No, not really. Maybe we’ll learn something and start providing education in emotional intelligence, and critical thinking, in K-12 education after this mess is sorted out? At least that ignorant huckster in the President’s office isn’t fucking immortal. (Note to self: don’t read the news. You know it’s terrible, already. Definitely don’t read the comments – that’s where the trolls live.)

Seriously. Just don’t. 🙂

I breathe, exhale, and relax and let that shit go. I pull myself back to this “now” moment, this place, this time. I’ve got enough to do in front of me, and plenty to take care of without getting myself all stirred up over things I can’t fix or prevent. That won’t stop me from being compassionate, aware, or speaking up when I see this bullshit going on. I make a note on my calendar to write to my elected representatives – that’s still a step worth taking, though it often feels futile. I stay committed to being frank about my thoughts on these trying times with friends, neighbors, even casual strangers when the topics come up. I refuse to pretend I don’t care, or to stand silent in the face of cruelty and injustice. I’m just not okay with that.

Another breathe. Another moment to relax and bring myself back to “now”. Trying times. I smile to myself, and give myself a moment of compassion. I’ve seen a lot in 61 years, and some of it has been bad. This too shall pass. For real; change is.

I take a phone call. Finish my writing. Begin again.

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Categories 2024 Election, Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5, War and News of War, winter

1460 Days to Go

January 21, 2025 //
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It’s time to survive a grim sort of count down. 1460 days to the inauguration of the next president, on January 20, 2029. It seems a long time, I know. It could happen sooner, after a fashion, mortality being what it is, and circumstances being unpredictable; the future is not written. Make no mistake, we’re all in for a rough ride…unless, of course, you’re part of the billionaire class, and also a favorite of the current occupant of the office of President of the United States of America. I’m very much hoping – and clinging to that hope – that this administration does not bring the fall of our democractic republic. That would be…horrifying. Not that we’re aren’t already well on our way to face a few horrors. The wheels are in motion.

(It’ll be easier to get through the next four years if you refrain from doomscrolling news media or social media feeds.)

Have you read On Tyranny? It’s a good read, and you may find either comfort or useful tools therein. I definitely recommend it. Amazon has it, of course. So does Powell’s, and AbeBooks. Stand up for yourself and your family, your community, and people who are clearly at a disadvantage under this administration. Be the best version of the human being you most want to be that you are able to be. Speak truth to power, and don’t allow yourself to be talked out of what you know you’ve seen yourself. Hard times are ahead for that actual truth. Seek ethical fact-checking, and don’t believe the hype. These things do matter. It is unfortunate that so much of our world has become a race to generate revenue by a handful of already sickeningly wealthy hoarders of cash and corrupt seekers of power. It’s pretty grotesque. My personal vote for the two most toxic characteristics of human beings are greed and pettiness.

…1460 days…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. The here and now does not have to be eternally infused with all of that toxic bullshit. I’m home sick, which sucks, after a lovely visit with a dear friend, which was quite wonderful. My Traveling Partner and I have a good thing together, which is something I value, enjoy, and cherish with my whole heart. I sit with my gratitude, and let that fortify me for troubled times ahead. The Anxious Adventurer is a good guy, doing his best, learning and growing and working on being the best version of himself he knows how to be – while also figuring out who exactly that actually is. That’s a lot to do. He’s doing pretty well.

(We’re all in this together – and we’re each having our own experience. Each of us sees the world and these trying times through a slightly different lens.)

As a woman, I don’t feel at all “valued” or “defended” by this administration’s immediate attack on people who are not so simply defined as either man or woman, in fact, I’m insulted by the narrow stupidity of it. If “defending women” were any sort of sincere goal, we would have equality (in opportunities, in pay, in healthcare), and consent would be the common language of the land – expected, understood, and honored – and our government would not be filled with rapists (which it most probably is, based on the choices for incoming cabinet members, and the behaviors of many who have held office). The concerns of my Traveling Partner and his son may be somewhat different, focused on the things that seem most important and relevant to their own experiences and perspective. That makes sense.

(I plan to listen with care when people tell me what frightens them most, what fills them with outrage, and what they need to thrive. I can at least make the attempt. I hope we all make that attempt.)

I sip my coffee and let my mind move on. I will hope for the best, and be open to “things being okay” for some values of okay. It doesn’t seem likely that this administration has good intentions (at all), or any will to create a better world for every citizen, resident, and human being (it’s already pretty clearly not the goal) – but I won’t try to undermine the potential for success. Maybe they’ll stumble upon it through failure to understand the consequences of their decision making? Maybe they’ll simply fail at their “evil plan”? (Yes, I do see it that way.) Incompetence and gridlock are as much likely outcomes as any measure of actual success for this administration.

I sigh to myself. Still thinking about this garbage. I let it go again, and think about other things. Mostly art. Also books I’d like to have and to read. I’d thought it might be nice to obtain Andrew Lang’s fairy books, maybe as first editions… now I’m thinking it makes much more sense to have non-fiction volumes that instruct and guide and preserve knowledge of various crafts one might need to survive harder times. The Foxfire books have been on my list a long while… I smile to myself. I like books. I’ve grown much less fond of the internet. Books and conversations with real people – more of those things might save the world. I think about that while I sip my coffee. I think about making a trip down south to visit old friends and have real conversations.

…I’ll get over this sickness, then I’ll begin again…

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Categories 2024 Election, anger, Anxiety, art and the artist, breathe, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5, War and News of War, winter

Uneasy

January 20, 2025 //
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I arrive at the trailhead before dawn. Already, the sun rises earlier and I’ll likely see it as I reach the end of my hike. One last breakfast with The Author before he returns home and life settles back into something like a routine (after a flurry of doctor’s appointments). This morning is not an unpleasant one, nonetheless I feel uneasy; it is inauguration day. The start of Trump II, and I’m not reluctant to admit that I am concerned about the outcome(s).

… I have my own thoughts answering the question “how the fuck did we get here?, but I’m sure everyone does, and mine are perhaps best left for another time…

I breathe, exhale, and relax, and pull myself back to this quiet, pleasant, moment right here, on the edge of a favorite trail, a few minutes before daybreak. Another breath. I’m in a lot of pain this morning. It’s just my arthritis; the weather is quite cold and my pain is reliably worse in cold weather. (This is the likely cause – or one of them – for so many people moving to sunny warm places to spend their retirement years.) I’ve got my cane. I put on gloves and scarf. I’ll warm up as I walk. My pain will be both improved and worsened when I get back to the car. My osteoarthritis stiffness and pain will have eased some with movement. The pain in my left ankle and right knee will increase with each step. I snarl something irritable at past versions of myself for not taking better care of this fragile vessel – then remind myself to practice better self-care, myself, now, too.

…Time keeps passing. Aging is…

Still. Things could be worse. I passed several homeless people walking their carts of belongings down frosted sidewalks on this icy cold morning. I am fortunate to be housed, warm and secure. I’ve got good healthcare coverage (for many values of good, though limited by our 100% craptacular US healthcare system) – I can (and should) continue to work with my (new)(good) physician to improve my health and manage my pain more effectively. My Traveling Partner’s care is also in pretty good hands, and we have each other’s support and care, too. Things could definitely be worse. We never know when they might be.

I lace my boots, and think my thoughts, before I hit the trail. Martin Luther King Jr Day, today. I wonder what that means to people… Shouldn’t it be more than just a day off from work? I think about the ways in which the world has changed since I was a child, in the early 60’s… Pretty significant changes, mostly profoundly good, but often seeming “not enough” – how is there even any discussion over the Equal Rights Amendment? It’s 2025, how are we still at war? How are poverty, disease, and inequality still major, noteworthy, progress impeding, concerns around the world? How are there still people who want to work but can’t find jobs? How are there people who want to dedicate their lives to creative endeavors but can’t find (or afford to take) the time?

I sigh to myself. I’ll walk with my thoughts awhile, solve nothing (but maybe learn something about myself), and then begin again.

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Categories 2024 Election, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, The Art of Being, War and News of War, winter
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