Work gets super busy. I get pulled in a lot of directions, and there are a lot of things to get done in a day. Life gets busy at home, too, and there are so many tasks to complete, and moments to live. A single distraction can become a cascade of distractions, and suddenly I’ve got no bandwidth for what matters most… whatever that may be. I don’t think this is unusual, and I’m pretty sure we all deal with it.

I’m sipping my coffee this morning, contemplating the distraction that is the cough heard from the other room. My Traveling Partner, awake early. Very early. No telling if he’s starting his day (seems rather early for that)… and my mind is now occupied with the distracting puzzle; do I abandon my morning writing, and routine, to just chill with him and sip coffee until the clock ticks past the usual departure time? Do I remain steadfast in my commitment to writing, and meditation? I’m not even certain, myself, which way this goes – now that I am distracted. lol

Holding my focus in the midst of distractions is still a challenge. It’s one of the things I “broke up with Facebook” over; the loss of focus it was creating in my consciousness. The cognitive “tic” that had developed over time (the compulsive checking of social media accounts) definitely interferes with my ability to focus. It very nearly destroyed my ability to watch a movie (too long) or read a book (too slow, too much work). I wasn’t willing to give those things up.  The “tic” is still with me; I reach out and touch my phone a lot, then realize why, and just let it go. Over and over. It’s less now than a week ago, which reminds me it will eventually be just a former habit, that has been extinguished through disuse. 🙂 It is a reminder that we become what we practice – for good or not so good.

I set my sights on more constructive, suitably useful practices that help me become the woman I most want to be, and begin again. 🙂

It seems worth saying as simply as possible; if life is a journey, then perhaps our wrong turns show is more than our journey would otherwise reveal, and require only observation, consideration, and a course correction to put us back on the path that leads us to our destination?

Waiting for a train is faster than walking, but so few of the choices regarding the route are left for me to make…

Where does your path lead? Is it a destination in life you have specifically chosen? What is holding you back from the journey you most want to make?

Maybe it’s time to begin again?

I am getting over this cold fairly quickly, and chose to work a partial day from home to balance the urgent needs that are to do with work, with the also urgent need to care for myself. So far so good. 🙂

I woke to a misty rainy morning. I stood in the open doorway to the deck with my coffee before dawn, feeling the cold Spring draft coming up from the seasonal stream beyond the yard. It was lush. Lovely. Chilly. So very quiet, at least until the early commuters began to make their way down the road toward the city.

I worked awhile. I enjoyed my coffee, and laid plans to see work in progress through to completion, based on new information. I considered open projects, and took on tasks I was up to. I worked, comfortably. I can reliably say I didn’t get anyone else sick with this, today. 🙂

In between the work spaces, tasks, and actions, there was Spring. The misty pre-dawn twilight became a rainy gray dawn. It is now a soft neutral gray morning, a steady rain falling, small stinging Spring droplets, almost just a mist, but falling densely enough to soak through clothes rather quickly. I watch it from indoors, smiling. The garden doesn’t mind the mist, the chill, or the rain at all. Seedlings sprout. New shoots break through bare soil. Birds and chipmunks explore the changes since yesterday, hoping for a bite of breakfast.

Spring.

I answer emails from friends once I’ve ended my few hours of work for the day. There is so much satisfaction in doing so. I feel connected, visible, enriched, and grateful. Hell of a good start to the week, in spite of being sick.

Spring. Today. This moment, right here. It’s enough. 🙂

Today it’s all pain and head cold symptoms. Bleh. Okay, okay, realistically, it is only some pain, and a few mild head cold symptoms, but the two uncomfortable sets of experiences pretty nearly dominate my thoughts and experience for the moment. So human. I try distracting myself with my morning coffee, so… now I’m also… nauseous. Great. I write some, hoping to distract myself from the headache or the arthritis (either would be fine, as an improvement, it’s not realistic to count on diminishing both). Now the glare of the monitor has made the headache worse, and this chair feels so much less comfortable than I recall it being.

Pain and cold symptoms? Huh. Sounds like the rest of the day will likely be made up of self-care, naps, and chicken soup. lol Ancient wisdom of the ages, no Rx required. Time to shift gear from coffee to broth, tea, water, and diluted juice. Time to get out of this chair. Time to walk away from this monitor. Time to take care of this fragile vessel.

This too shall pass. lol

Maybe tomorrow I’ll properly begin again. Right now, I think I’ll just… lay down. 😉

Life is messy sometimes. Challenges I didn’t expect come up, and I’m not always prepared. I don’t think that’s out of the ordinary. Quite the contrary; I think it’s wholly commonplace. How I deal with bullshit, turmoil, change, and challenges, defines me. You, too.

…It’s back to the “who am I?” question. lol

So… who are you? How do you tackle challenges? How do you manage change? How do you handle bullshit? How do you cope with confrontation? I think these are all the same question – and that question is a difficult one to answer in a simple way. What are the defining characteristics that make you the person you are right now? I guess the follow-up is, “is that who you want most to be?”

…Well, is it?

Today I make a journey, more physical than metaphysical, and along the way I will be this person I have become over time. I reflect on that as I dress, and brush my hair. I reflect on that without my coffee, rather oddly, choosing instead to get coffee along the way. A treat. A convenience. A part of the journey. I’m not clear on whether I am “enjoying the moment” or “getting this out of the way”. Maybe it’s both. 🙂 I am eager to go – because I am eager to return home.

I’ve made this same drive so many times, to see my Traveling Partner, feeling as though the destination was “my true home”. Love is a luxurious home for my heart. Now, he’s here, sleeping in the other room… My trip this morning doesn’t feel like a journey to my home, unless I consider myself a boomerang… flung far, returning soon, to this same point. lol The relaxed evening we shared last night still warms me, and lifts my smile to my eyes.

Journeys being what they are, it’s very nearly time to get going. I consider the journey ahead, and wish myself well. See you back here tomorrow. 🙂