I woke up early after a short restless night of shitty sleep. I’m stuck at home because everything local is covered in ice. My Traveling Partner was already awake, and obviously not happy about that, tired, cross, and earnestly wanting very much to sleep. I said good morning, and as little else as was possible without being rude and slipped away to my office committed to being as quiet as I could so he could maybe sleep.
…My keyboard is too loud for this shit, and I find that regrettable. I briefly shop for a quieter one, then move on to catching up on work notes…
I sip my coffee, typing super gently and with great care, trying to be quiet enough that a sleeping person in the adjacent room would be undisturbed. I doubt that I am successful, and I am painfully aware of how noisy this mechanical keyboard I like so much actually is. Shit.
…It’s very hard to write in a digital space without hitting keys on a keyboard of some kind. I chose poorly for this environment…
If a human being could arrive at death’s door with no more serious regret than a poor choice of keyboard in a home office adjacent to a bedroom, that would indeed be an amazing thing. I do have more serious regrets, and I suspect that most people who proclaim they “have no regrets” either wholly lack compassion, or are not considering the question deeply. Just an opinion, based on having once been one of those people (and it was a bit of the one, and a lot of the other).
- I regret the times I have hurt people, emotionally or physically.
- I regret rushing into marriage at 18 (frankly it nearly killed me).
- I regret not leaving that relationship sooner.
- I regret not getting the help I needed when I first understood my mental health was at risk.
- I regret how difficult it has been to overcome some of my TBI and PTSD related challenges and the way that has affected my relationships.
- I regret that I can be such a bitch sometimes.
- I regret a great many of my foolish decisions.
- I regret not setting better boundaries earlier in life.
- I regret that I’ve ever made my happiness someone else’s problem.
Big and small, regrets come in many sizes and an endless variety. Choose your adventure. Choose with care and with your eyes on your values, and perhaps you’ll have fewer regrets? Less to regret seems like a good goal… But, we’re all human, and our cognitive biases alone are enough to ensure sooner or later, we’ll have done something, said something, or been part of something we later find regrettable. That’s okay, though, isn’t it – if we learn from it, and grow to become more the person we want to be?
This coffee is almost gone. It’s time to begin again.
Evening Light 