Archives for posts with tag: new beginnings
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Well, Now

September 17, 2025 //
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It’s a strange morning, although I can’t put my finger on why exactly it feels so strange. I feel “caught between moments”, I suppose, and not sure what to do about it, or even whether anything I do about will make any difference at all. I feel vaguely disconnected from the many details of a busy adult life, and struggling to care about that. I’d rather drive out to the coast, park somewhere with a view of the beach and the tide, and just… sit awhile with my thoughts. Perhaps clarity would come if only I weren’t listening to my tinnitus, loud, shrill, and grating on my nerves?

… When I am at the seashore, I can’t hear my tinnitus at all, it’s drowned out completely by the sounds of the wind and the waves breaking on the shore. Maybe I just need a break?…

“You lack discipline!” some stern voice in my head says, unyieldingly. “Do your best”, is the kinder recommendation I offer myself. I’m tired. Oh, well-rested enough for the work day ahead, and tonight I’m not also having to cook dinner, but still, I am chronically, persistently fatigued from decades of working. Sometimes the fatigue becomes hard to overlook, and I’m sitting here feeling it – and feeling both a little sorry for myself, and also seriously annoyed about that. It will pass. So will my awareness of my persistent fatigue. Some days are better.

My head aches, and the headache is vexing me. I breathe, exhale, and relax, hoping that the fresh chilly morning air will lift my mood. I watch the sun begin to rise, from a favorite vantage point along a favorite local trail. It could be worse.

I sigh to myself, thinking about life, and the way the path we take can have so little resemblance to the path we planned to take. I’m not filled with regrets or overcome by sorrow or some gloomy feeling of futility, it’s not that at all. I’m just tired. Often. So many things take real work, and require more of me than may be apparent. My little family counts on me for so much… I’m not always sure I have enough to give. I’m doing my best. That’s all I’ve got.

I stretch and get to my feet, eyeing the path that leads back along the riverbank, around the vineyard, and back to the parking lot. It’s already time to begin again, I’ve only got to take that first step to get going…

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Categories Allegories, anhedonia, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, The Art of Being, War and News of War, Words

And Then It Begins To Rain

June 20, 2025 //
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My last “proper day of vacation” began with some sleeping in – what a delightful luxury! I dressed and slipped out of the house without waking my Traveling Partner (as far as I know). I decided, yesterday, that today I’d make the drive to the coast and head down to Fogarty Creek, which has easy access to a small private feeling beach enclosed by steep rocky hillsides. The Oregon Coast Trail passes through there.

… Stormy clouds followed me, and I figured it might rain at some point, but I drove on, unconcerned, enjoying the absence of traffic (not another car on the road going my way, at all)…

Kite flying on a stormy morning seemed like a good idea to someone.

I parked with my coffee at a favorite spot with a great view of the ocean. The tide is coming in, and in a few more minutes it’ll be high tide, according to the tide table, but not the highest high tide today. That’ll be later, shortly before sundown, and long after I’ve returned home.

The first rain drops tap the windshield gently, and then it’s just straight up raining. Last time I made Fogarty Creek my destination, it also rained (a drenching deluge blown sideways by fierce storm winds). Today I can see breaks in the storm gray clouds overhead, so perhaps the rain will pass quickly. No matter. I actually don’t care much about the weather today, I’m enjoying my time (and my coffee) anyway. I sit watching a man on the beach persisting in trying to fly his kite in spite of the rain.

The drive over to the coast was beautiful. The roadside slopes and ditches were in bloom with plentiful pink foxgloves and purple vetch, and blackberry brambles covered in clouds of pretty white flowers. The air smelled fresh and sweet. No traffic at all was a nice treat. No traffic = no stress. It was fun.

…So this is 62? So far so good…

I sip my coffee, sitting contentedly with my thoughts on a rainy morning, listening to the raindrops on the roof of the car. I’m enjoying the pleasant relaxed vibe of having nothing specific to do and nowhere I need to be. I savor the moment, because this too will pass; moments are fleeting, and a mortal lifetime is brief. It’s enough to enjoy the moment as it is. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I think of my Traveling Partner and hope he has a lovely day relaxing or working, whatever suits him most.

I sigh to myself as the rain slows to a few random drops. Soon enough, I’ll finish the drive. There’s no rush, and the journey is the destination. It hardly matters whether I drive further down the coast or sit contentedly right here. What matters most is simply to enjoy the moment…

…Then begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, joy, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being, War and News of War

Summer Rain

September 1, 2023 //
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Yesterday it rained. All day a lovely misty rain fell, after a drenching downpour during the wee hours. The day was a bit more humid than is typical here. The temperature stayed mild, neither hot nor chilly. Each time I ventured out, I was hit with the kisses of tiny raindrops that enveloped me in dampness almost instantly. The sky was gray, all day. It felt more like an autumn day than anything to do with the end of summer. Autumn is almost here.

I’ve got a short solo camping trip planned for the Autumnal Equinox. I’m looking forward to it. I had planned this one before I was laid off. I kept it on the calendar in spite of the lay-off, figuring it was basically already paid for (other than the cost of gas to get there and back), and I’d benefit from the break in routine whether working or not. Once I was laid off, there was no conflict with work to think about at all. Now… I’m back to work beginning next Tuesday, after the Labor Day holiday weekend. Now, the timing is… less than ideal, being so soon after I start the new job. I’m fortunate to have a boss who is 100% supportive of living life, and enjoying it, and I’ll still be going camping. 😀 Funny how quickly circumstances (and context) can change.

…I find myself distracted by the recollection that the office of the company I’m joining is located sort of nearby a different place I once worked, and I look up the address on the internet, and mentally plan the drive in on Tuesday (for onboarding, and picking up my work laptop). I’m excited about this job, way beyond the commonplace relief of not being unemployed… I’m really looking forward to joining the team, and working with this group of people that has so many familiar faces. I feel… enthusiastic. 😀 It’s lovely to feel that way about work. I sip my coffee and smile to myself, looking out the window to the gray sky and fluffy autumnal clouds beyond.

I take a moment to savor the feelings I feel right now. I let the words for the feelings land softly in my thoughts: joyful, contented, at ease, eager, enthusiastic, hopeful, purposeful, valued, appreciated, grateful, delighted, satisfied, happy, pleased, energized, committed, encouraged, prepared, ready… I sip my coffee enjoying the complexity and nuance of overlapping and intersecting positive emotions. I find myself wondering why, as human beings and as a society, we don’t spend more time explicitly savoring and reflecting upon the many sorts of positive emotions we possess the ability to feel? How often do we ever truly feel just one singular emotion standing alone in our consciousness, entirely defining our experience? Is joy mixed with hope a different experience than joy mixed with delight? What about a feeling of preparedness mixed with enthusiasm – is that different than a feeling of preparedness mixed with contentment? As the feelings mingle, do they evolve into some wholly new emulsion of emotion for which I lack language, or do they remain individual elements stacked upon one another, like oil and water?

It’s a lovely quiet morning, heading into the long Labor Day weekend. I feel like celebrating. I know it’s time to begin again. 😀

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Categories Allegories, autumn, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, inspiration, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Summer

Counting Down to Change

September 22, 2022 //
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4 days to the start of my new job. It’s a Thursday, today. Tomorrow I should get the next update from my new employer with login details and such. The new laptop is already here. I’m excited about this next new beginning, and I am entirely over any grieving that resulted from the abrupt and unanticipated but mostly decently well-managed lay-off from my previous job. I’ve greatly enjoyed the luxury of having two months “off” between these jobs – I feel really ready to get on with things. 🙂 I got a lot of projects done at home, too, and spent ample time in the garden, and out on trails with my camera in my hand. 😀

Yesterday is already a bit of a blur. Honestly, a lot of the days behind me now are a tad “blurry” – my Traveling Partner has taken up quite a bit of our shared time with discussions about his/our new business, the CNC machine that should be supporting it (and frankly isn’t), and the stress of evaluating whether this new CNC machine is the POS that it seems it may be, and what to replace it with (and how to get that done sooner than later). Me getting back to work is a helpful stress reducer for both of us; it’s our safety net, and provides continuous revenue to support growing a young business. Over coffee this morning we follow-up on previous conversations CNC-wise, and make some growth-focused decisions that may have been “too risky” if I were going to be out of work for a longer indefinite period. It’s an exciting time. Stressful, too, but mostly exciting.

Yesterday afternoon I got a couple hours of solo time at home – a rare treat. My partner and his son headed to the city for adventure. I had expected they might be gone many hours… Nope. The city has “gotten pretty bad” over the past couple years, and the rampant homelessness problem that has created a lot of trash and vermin on downtown streets, and seen tent villages rise on corners and in community parks all over, is worse than inconvenient and unattractive – it’s actually created considerable risk just being in those downtown areas at all. Violent crime and property crime, street corner harassment, vehicle thefts and break-ins… it’s all pretty common in the city these days. Shootings are routine. I’m grateful that we moved well away from the city.

My partner and his son returned home after just a couple hours (basically the time it takes to drive there and back). I think their plan is to head out for some other place at some point today. I’m looking forward to having that time to myself to chill, reflect, and be ready for the new job next week. 😀 It’s been nice visiting with my step-son, and hanging out the three of us as a family, but… I am “all peopled out” (and have been for awhile) and I’ll definitely benefit from having some quiet time at home. My partner “gets it”, although we’re quite different in this regard, and he has maintained a steady commitment to getting me that time that I need while his son is visiting. There are for sure things they’d like to do together. 🙂

So… here it is an new day. Heading quickly toward a new beginning. It’s time for change. It’s time to begin again. 😀

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being

Threads

January 2, 2021 //
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I heard from an old old friend this morning (he’s not that old, really, we’ve just been friends a long while). It’s been too long. It’s good to “hear his voice” again, even via email. Heart-warming.

I sit sipping my coffee thinking about threads and connections, and making a mental note to reach out to other old friends I haven’t heard from – or communicated with – in a while. We are social creatures. In a pandemic, there are perhaps additional verbs involved. Email. Actual letter writing (of the sort that requires pen, paper, an envelope, an address, and a stamp, and involves the postal system and many days waiting). Catching up on other blogs. Exchanging recipes, and anecdotes. Catching up on old times. New times. Other times. Changes…

…There are always changes…

Good coffee. Nice morning for it. Yesterday kicked off the new year very well, at least in this household. I smile feeling simultaneous gratitude and hopefulness. There’s another day ahead. One more after that in the long holiday weekend…then… back to it. All the things. It’s a season of change; I find myself wondering what to expect, although I know very well that expectations are very premature so soon in the new year. lol

This morning the rain falls from a gray wintry sky. I ache. I shrug off the awareness of physical pain, and nudge my thoughts in the direction of taking down the holiday décor. Good day for it. It’s time.

…And time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, winter
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