Trite but true, it is a near certainty that things could be worse. I sigh out loud, annoyed by my persistent headache when there’s so much going on and so much to do (or prepare for). Thinking, planning, and doing, while also fighting through pain has difficult moments. I struggle to maintain focus on things that matter and routinely find myself distracted by things that matter just as much. lol I try not to be overly hard on myself over it, but it does vex me, especially when the task at hand is something intended to support my Traveling Partner.
… I breathe, exhale, and relax…
When I left the house it was still quite dark. The season is changing, as seasons do. Daybreak comes much later than it did weeks ago, when spring turned to summer. I was amazed and delighted to see meteors streak across the predawn sky as I drove to the trailhead, this morning. Then I started thinking about what it might mean should some unusually large meteor actually plunge through our atmosphere intact and impact the planet directly…my anxiety surges as I consider that. Then I let that shit go.
… Letting an imagined worst case wreck a lovely lived moment is a poor practice…
I breathe, exhale, and relax. Today is final preparations for my Traveling Partner’s surgery. Tomorrow. It’s a big deal, and one with a very good prognosis. I’m more eager than nervous on my partner’s behalf, which I guess is a good thing. I feel well prepared. I hope he does, too.
I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’d meant to bring my colored pencils and my sketchbook along this morning. I forgot them. There are really only one or two places, at home, where something can be placed, that reliably get my attention on the way out in the morning. I can’t count the number of times I have forgotten to grab something I meant to take with me, because it wasn’t in one of those places. lol Generally a harmless sort of oversight, and I don’t make it a big deal this morning – because it isn’t.
… I keep promising myself more time painting. I keep not painting…
I had the trail to myself, initially, and sitting here in the morning quiet at the halfway point it manages to feel strange to hear voices and approaching footsteps. A small group of photographers walks past. Cheerful greetings are exchanged as they walk by.
My mind wanders. I distractedly check my task list and my calendar. I check the grocery list. I try to identify needful things I may have overlooked. My mind feels very busy and chaotic. I’m not here for that. There’s time for lists and tasks later.
… I breathe, exhale, and relax. I make room for this “now” moment, present, observing, breathing. Only this. I let my thoughts come and go, like the clouds overhead. (I definitely need more of this calm time spent present, simply being.) My mind wanders, this time I bring it back to my breath. My tinnitus is loud and distracts me. I bring my awareness back to my breath. For an unmeasured time I reflect and meditate, bringing my attention back to my breath each time it wanders. Good practice.
It’s a good day for a quiet moment. After a while, I get to my feet to finish my walk and begin again.
