Archives for posts with tag: winter
« Older Entries

The Real Gets Real-er

January 5, 2026 //
0

First “proper” work day (for me) of the new year. I sip my coffee considering the moment, and the day ahead.

I push thoughts of worldly matters aside, in favor of here, now. The coffee is good. Hot on my tongue, soothing on my throat. I had planned to work from home. Plans change, and I am waiting for the university library to open in 15 minutes. A quiet uninterrupted work day will be just the thing to get me caught up after being ill. The morning is gray, and it has been a rainy night. It’s a cold drizzly morning in the Pacific Northwest. Winter.

… When I moved to the area in 1998, we would reliably have at least some snow before the new year, and plenty of freezing mornings and icy cold days, but it’s been awhile since that has been true. Winter (at this altitude and location) is more about gray rainy days, now. Cold, but rarely freezing. It could be that I personally prefer this, but I don’t think that has anything to do with what is good for the health of the planet.

Permanence is an illusion. Change is. I sigh to myself and think about life. Where does this path lead? How many more years? What quality of life will I enjoy over time? Will I live to see global peace…or global war? I sip my coffee. The clock is ever ticking.

I breathe, exhale, and relax, and take a few minutes for meditation, before I begin again. Say hello to 2026 – what will you do with it?

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories 2024 Election, Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, War and News of War, winter, Words

So It’s Murder, Then?

February 13, 2024 //
2

I’m sipping my coffee contentedly and watching daybreak slowly develop from the foggy night.

The fog adds a hint of mystery to a familiar view.

The sky is suddenly filled with bodies; a murder of crows rising from the trees, forming a vast murmuration that swirls betwixt and around the buildings that surround the park just beyond the window. Their cacophony fills the air, and I find myself wondering what they are saying about the morning. It’s a chilly one. Exceptionally cold compared to most Winter mornings this year at 32 degrees Fahrenheit, but still, just barely freezing. I’m comfortable and warm, and grateful for it.

I smile and sip my coffee. I think about words and language and why a flock of crows is called a “murder”? It’s a lovely quiet morning in most respects. It’s a pleasant one, too, and yesterday’s difficulties seem distant and mostly forgotten. Very human. So often whatever is “now” seems mostly to have “always been this way” – it’s a most peculiar cognitive error. I find myself wondering what purpose it serves (or once served a more primitive version of this human experience)?

My calendar is quite full today. I face it without any particular stress. It’s been a week of doctor’s appointments (largely a byproduct of once again having medical coverage through my employer – I’m catching up on things health-wise), but today is free of that “planned chaos”. I sigh quietly. I appreciate myself for having avoided scheduling something into every single day of this week. lol “Way to do the self-care thing properly!” I think to myself, encouragingly. (I’ve been working on taking a kinder tone with myself, and making a point of ensuring my internal monologue is more positive than it has tended to be, historically.)

The sky continues to lighten. The crows have settled into the trees once more – or moved on to parts unknown to do whatever it is that crows do at this hour of the morning. I wonder about that for a moment before moving on, myself.

I run my fingers through my hair and feel the softness of it. The sensation is a pleasant one, but reminds me that I’m overdue to get my hair cut. My bangs are all but gone, and my layers are growing out. lol Funny bit of vanity. I catch myself enthusiastically thinking about getting it cut today, then pull myself back and remind myself of the busy calendar I just reviewed. lol It would not go well for my planning if I squeezed a hair cut into the day – or week. Too much already planned. I think ahead to next week, and chuckle; I’ll likely forget all about it until the week is underway and already planned. It’s just not that important to me. I let it go; it’s something to deal with some other time.

What matters most? I sip my coffee and think ahead to Spring and hiking and camping and getting away out in the trees or on the high desert somewhere under a big sky. When? The weather has been rather mild (locally) this Winter. I wonder when Spring temperatures will be steadily above 50 at night and above 70 in the daytime? I sit thinking about it, eager to begin planning… The time is not now. Not because it’s too soon to plan, but because the sky reminds me that it is a new day. Somewhere beyond the fog the sun has risen, or soon will. The smooth homogenous gray of the sky beyond the windows reminds me that the work day has begun. Planning for another day, another adventure, can wait awhile; it’s already time to begin again.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, solo hiking, The Art of Being, winter

Ta Da! (Or Something Like That)

January 19, 2024 //
0

I ran a couple errands yesterday, and in spite of my relatively crappy mood, I had a pretty good time getting shit done. The day proceeded nicely from there. My mood improved over the course of the day, and the evening was a pleasant one spent watching a movie with my Traveling Partner. Win! 😀 Road conditions seemed much improved, and I decided (last night) to go ahead and go into the office (this morning).

…I reminded myself that Mother Nature does not fuck around, and Winter weather is no joke, and to be prepared and not be complacent about the road conditions in other places than where I’d been driving the day before. I planned ahead, made sure my cane was in the car, made sure my gas tank was already full, and double-checked the reported condition of the road and took a look at some of the highway cams closer to the city. Everything seemed to check out this morning, so I got into my car and hit the road heading to the office, giving both me and my Traveling Partner a bit of a break from each other after a couple days cooped up together continuously.

Winter being… Winter. Is it a park or an unexpected ice-skating rink? LOL

The drive in was fine. I knew I’d been wise to be cautious when I got near the “top of the hill” on my way in, though; all the signal lights were out, and the temperature had dropped from 38 degrees at home to 31 degrees as I neared the “peak elevation” (only about 400 ft higher than where I started my commute). I drove a couple miles of icy highway through an obvious power outage before dropping back down to a lower elevation as I approached the city. It didn’t really warm up at all – Portland is adjacent to the Columbia River and the cold air of the gorge often flows into the city and keeps it colder than surrounding areas. The streets were quite a bit icier than anywhere else I’d driven so far. I drove with care, and I’ve got AWD and good all-terrain/all-weather tires that are in good condition. I didn’t have any difficulties, and never lost traction. All good so far.

…Parking was complicated. The street in front of the office appeared to be more or less a continuation of the sprawling sheet of ice that is the park across the street. A thick, very firmly frozen coating of ice covered the entire block. It wasn’t possible to access the indoor parking; there was ice piled pretty thick across the entrance, making it impractical to trip the sensor to open the gate at all. Street parking, then. Well, sure, but there’s literally ice everywhere on this block… LOL Nonetheless, I managed it. The bigger challenge was getting from the car, across the street, and into the building! The thick hard glossy ice was also covered with a very thin layer of… melt water. Omfg. Super slippery. I should have thought to put on my Yaktrax, but literally did not think to locate them and put them within easy reach. (Stupid eventually finds us all, if only for a moment now and then.) I was grateful to have remembered my cane. Using my cane and being quite careful, I managed to cross the street without slipping or falling. Another win! 😀

…From here, I guess it’s an ordinary day. I mean, honestly, wasn’t it already? Just an ordinary Winter work day? I sip my coffee and think affectionate thoughts at my Traveling Partner, and hope that he’s getting the rest he needs without hearing my fingers clattering away on the keyboard while he tries to sleep. I make a bowl of instant grits, and enjoy the warmth of a nostalgic breakfast. My coffee goes cold before I can enjoy it fully; the office is chilly after so many icy days (and so many vast expanses of windows). I check the thermostat and bump the heat up a bit to take the chill off, and put a fleece on over my sweater, on my way to reheat my coffee in the microwave. I smile and take a minute for gratitude… I’ve got power, light, internet access, coffee, a hot breakfast… I’m fortunate. It’s Winter. Winter has killed uncountable human beings since the dawn of humankind, and continues to kill human beings to this day. I’m fortunate, indeed.

Mmmm… hot coffee. It’s time to begin again.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, The Art of Being, winter, Words

A Few Minutes for Me

January 16, 2024 //
0

This lovely chill interlude brought to you by my delightful Traveling Partner who has had about enough of my continuous presence after being cooped up together over a long snowed-in weekend. lol

I’ve got a lovely cup of tea here, no caffeine, just lemon balm. Yum. Next Spring I’ll have my own from the garden. 😀 That sounds nice. Hot tea after a long hot shower. Soothing. Hot tea after a long hot shower on an icy winter day. Comforting.

…Comforting hot tea after a long hot shower on an icy winter day of mostly working from home, while also juggling housekeeping tasks, errands, trying not to work from home (the roads are too icy and not safe to drive into the city, but I did try to get the hell out of the house, unsuccessfully), and caring for my Traveling Partner while he is injured…? Delicious. I just also really really needed an actual proper break for some “me time”. Solitary. Headphones on (without music). Just me, my thoughts, this cup of tea, and a few minutes alone and quiet. Relaxed.

I breathe. Exhale. Relax. I feel the sensation of ease move through my body as the work day gets further and further from “now”. It’s so nice to just sit here quietly. No agenda. Nothing going on. No conversation. No tasks or chores or errands or doing. The verb, in this instance, is “chilling”. Relaxing. Breathing. Any of those will do, nothing fancy or elaborate or requiring a lot of energy. Just this quiet now.

…I know it won’t last, but I am embracing it and savoring it while it does…

I sip my tea thoughtfully.

My Traveling Partner said he hasn’t been able to relax all day because I “seem so stressed”. Yeah, I don’t doubt my energy was dialed way up – all the way to 11, perhaps? I got off to a weird start, by trying to work in a room other than the studio, further from the bedroom, hoping to let my partner sleep in awhile. Then, once he was up, I followed my plan to work from the local library, which I easily got to over roads far icier than I realized, and once there I found myself wondering if I’d be able to also make it home (ice storm warning for mere hours later). Instead, after a brief consult with my Traveling Partner, who wanted me safe more than he wanted me gone, I headed home, stopping by the store for additional provisions on the way.

I got home, unpacked, and got to work… and got called that I’d left my purse at the damned store. Back out in it, and picked up burgers for lunch uncertain when that would be possible again, and on back home to enjoy lunch with my partner, then… back to work. Again.

My work day was fractured into tiny (but still productive) pieces. I hit that level of productivity by just banging that shit out, firing on all cylinders, doing the things! I probably did “seem stressed”. I wasn’t feeling any sort of anxiety that was obvious to me, or any amount of perceptible (to me) negative stress, but the only way to get through the work that needed doing today was to dig deep, and work fast and efficiently, at what would admittedly be an “unsustainable” pace. No slack. No real breaks other than those that took me from my office chair to do errands, housekeeping, or to care for my partner. Nothing much for me, at all, except a latte from a drive through cafe that went cold before I could drink it because my day was crafted of pure chaos.

…I’m glad it is behind me, and I’m enjoying this quiet moment with this cup of tea. It’s enough. I needed this so much. 😀 I tell myself there is no way my Traveling Partner can “sense” this state of relaxation settling over me from another room, but… it often seems that he totally can. I hope it helps him enjoy his evening more than he enjoyed his morning. 😀

Knowing I’ll likely need to work from home for the rest of this week, due to the freezing weather, ice storms, and accumulated snow that has since frozen solid on the roads, I looked over my work calendar and coordinated with my team to move any morning meetings to later hours of the day, hoping to preserve enough quiet time for my partner to sleep. Maybe it works. Maybe it’s enough. Maybe it doesn’t help at all. I’ve at least managed to clear my calendar of meetings for two days – that’s got to be good for something. 😀

I sip my tea and listen to my tinnitus ringing in my ears. It’s time to begin again. 😀

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5, winter

Turning the Page

December 31, 2023 //
0

I’m sitting at a favorite trailhead, listening to the quiet of these predawn moments, and waiting for daybreak to illuminate the trail enough to walk without a flashlight. It’s the last day of the year.

An occasional car passes as I wait for the sun.

This nature park is only open from dawn to dusk, but there’s also parking near the gate. I wait to hear the quiet “clang!” of the gate opening, which reliably occurs just at daybreak. There are a couple other “regulars” who turn up to walk or take pictures as early as I often do, but this morning it’s just me. I’m okay with that; I’m not here to make conversation. None of the early morning people are. lol

2023 is over. What a year. So many lives lost to conflict or genocide. Humanity can be so terribly disappointing. The amount of violence and trauma left behind by 2023 would be shocking if we weren’t all so numb. I sit quietly, in solemn reflection and acknowledgement; we’ve got to do better if we’re going to survive ourselves at all.

2024 is just about here… I think about the year behind me. The challenges. The successes. The failures. The unrecognized opportunities. The missteps and course corrections. Work. Life. Love. Change. I consider how fortunate I am to enjoy the relationship I have with my Traveling Partner. I reflect on my current job and how much I enjoy it… And how little my enjoyment of my work ultimately actually matters, inasmuch as it has very little correlation with my longevity in a given role, at all. I think about the books I’ve read this year and the books I hope to read in the year ahead. I think about how wretched and poisonous corporate greed is, and the way it taints just every-fucking-thing. I think about hearth and home, and how much difference love makes, day-to-day. I reflect on how fortunate I am to have this life and another year to live it.

One more walk in 2023.

It’s daybreak and I can see the trail. I take a moment to move the car past the gate into the parking lot.

I sigh. Finish my coffee and lace up my hiking boots. It’s time to begin again.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, War and News of War, winter
« Older Entries