Archives for posts with tag: meditation
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Well That Happened

August 19, 2026 //
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I woke slowly, a moment ahead of the alarm. I shut it off, dressed, and left the house. Then, I went back in because I somehow managed to forget the fob for my car. This tended to cause me to be concerned about whatever else I may have forgotten, and as I went to grab my fob, I double-checked whether I remembered to turn off my alarm, my noise machine, and various little details that are part of my morning routine. I think I got it all.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I got a little more than 9 hours of sleep last night. I was tired and in pain and I laid down “for an hour” after my Traveling Partner and I enjoyed a genial meal together. That hour stretched into 3, and I got up briefly, enjoyed the company of my beloved while he worked on something. I went back to bed, unsure how I could possibly sleep more… and immediately crashed out. I certainly feel rested this morning. I clearly needed the sleep, my partner was right about that.

I grabbed my headlamp and cane eagerly when I reached the trailhead, and got started on my walk feeling light on my feet and merry. It’s a good start to the day.

A new day begins. What will you do with the opportunity?

I get to my halfway point and stop. The morning feels chilly. It reminds me that summer will end soon. Seasons change. The clock keeps ticking. The sunrise begins with a colorful display. I’m content to watch it.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. It’s hard to believe that the world is in such chaos – I let all that go. This is not the time for all that; these quiet moments are best spent on other thoughts… gratitude, love, wonder… I exhale, and let go of worry and doubt. The sky lightens as daybreak becomes the dawn of a new day.

“Nothing to see here,” I think to myself, contentedly. Just how I like it – calm. Quiet.  A small buck steps out from the vineyard rows and crosses the trail, heading into the trees. The western sky has become a pearly blue gray, clear and cloudless. A soft distant wooshing is audible from here. HVAC on the nearby water park building, probably, but in a different moment and place it might as easily be the sound of the seashore. It’s only a pleasant illusion, and I don’t mistake it for real. I yawn and stretch and fill my lungs with the cool air of this lovely summer morning.

… I almost feel like I could go back to bed! It’s a silly notion, and I got plenty of restful sleep last night…

I get to my feet, stretch again, feeling the movement as I extend my arms towards the sky. There’s coffee on the other side of this walk, and to get to it, I’ll need to begin again. 😁

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, joy, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being, weight loss secrets, women, Words

It’s a Trap

August 16, 2026 //
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Like, subscribe, comment… it’s a trap. The “hype cycle”, the outrage machinery, the click farming, and trying to get “engagement” from the bored and uninterested; it’s all part of monetizing our attention as consumers (of content). Pretty gross.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

Add to all of that the pestilence of AI slop and enshittification and what have we got? Incentive to put down the device, step away from the screen and go outside.

On the trail at first light.

It’s a gray morning, overcast and cloudy. Looks like rain, but it doesn’t feel like rain. The forecast has no rain in it today. I set off down the trail as soon as I have enough light. (My replacement headlamp should arrive today or tomorrow.) I don’t mind the few quiet minutes waiting for daybreak. I spend the time, this morning, thinking about… Ozempic. 😆

I started on Ozempic in April, 2024, more than two years ago. I’ve lost some weight, sure, but I take it for my diabetes. I could stand to lose more weight, I’m definitely carrying around an unhealthy surplus (just being real). I’ve been improving my strength training a bit at a time, recently, with my Traveling Partner’s encouragement, which is helpful.

“Healthy” and “thin” are not synonyms. “Heavy” and “healthy” are not antonyms. It’s more complicated than that, but in my own case, I’m heavier than is healthy for me, and certain “features” of my brain injury complicate my impulse control and self-awareness. The Ozempic controls my blood sugar, reduces my interest in food, and eating becomes notably less gratifying, and the Ozempic profoundly improves my impulse control, generally (a very helpful side effect). I’m fortunate I haven’t had to deal with unpleasant side effects like nausea or constipation (only very rarely and not for long).

… There’s nothing shameful or embarrassing about taking appropriate medication for medical conditions…

I’ve never felt embarrassed, ashamed, or awkward about taking Ozempic, although I was very reluctant to try it at all. I’m often puzzled by the weird criticism of strangers regarding people using GLP1’s for weight loss, as if it amounts to “cheating”. (And I had to deal with that face to face with myself, before I was willing to try it.) Life isn’t a proctored exam. We’re each having our own experience. One person may find managing their weight (or their blood sugar) quite easy. Someone else may find it quite difficult. We are individuals. Ozempic may cause terrible life threatening side effects for one person, and no side effects at all for another. Keeping it real, though? It’s not anyone else’s business in the first fucking place. Take it or don’t; the choice is between you and your doctor.

…As with using Ozempic, talking about that is also a personal choice (stay out of the comments section 😆 the Internet trolls may be hangry – or jealous)…

I sit with my thoughts awhile, at a favorite stopping point. The trail is still mine. I love these quiet moments. This trail is very popular with dog walkers, though, and on such a mild morning there will no doubt be dogs tearing around in the brush and tall grass (because in spite of prominent signage with rules about keeping dogs leashed, people do as they please). Rude. It is the same disregard for basic consideration and manners that make people think it’s okay to criticize someone for following their doctor’s advice about their medication.

… Sometimes it feels like the idiots are winning…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’m in a good mood, on a pleasant morning. No reason to undermine that with cynicism or petty anger and disappointment with humanity, generally. 😆 Later, housekeeping, exercise, and some hang out time with my beloved. I smile to myself. Useful perspective. Why was I even thinking about any of that other crap on such a lovely morning? Oh, right. My weekly dose increases today (and for the foreseeable future). 😂 I’m facing it with some unnecessary trepidation. I shrug it off and remind myself to drink plenty of water.

See, that’s the thing, isn’t it? Nearly every challenge we face also has steps we can take to directly improve our experience, we just have to choose to take that step. “Do the verbs.” It is also necessary to be open to the possibility – and to allow myself awareness of the options available to me. Small steps. Choices.

I breathe the fresh summer air. It smells of mown clover drying in the sun, and summer flowers. I think about maybe going to a cafe that serves a particularly delicious Borgia mocha (a nice treat), then wonder if I can even be bothered? Maybe I’d actually rather head home and do laundry and clean my bathroom? How delightfully adult of me. 😆 I sit smiling, enjoying the moment. It’ll be time to begin again, soon enough.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being, weight loss secrets, women, Words

One Thing and Another

August 13, 2026 //
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Daybreak comes, revealing cloudy skies. I walked to this spot rather unenthusiastically. I’m not in any sort of bad mood, just “feeling the weight” of it all. It is a subjective feeling, and it will pass. I pay it no particular attention, I notice it and let it go.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

The stormy looking clouds gathered to the east probably don’t hold much potential for rain; it is summer; August in the Pacific Northwest, and a dry, hot one. The weather forecast says sunny today, hot in the afternoon. Right now the air is cool and mild and I regret not grabbing my fleece. My arthritis aches from my fusion to the base of my skull, finally completing a journey that began sometime around 1990, some 36-ish years ago, with the vertebrae immediately above the fused ones. Every year since, it has climbed a little further. About two years ago, I think, I developed arthritis in my shoulders and my collar bone (did not even know that was a thing). Last year I developed arthritis in my thumbs. Osteoarthritis sucks (any pain does, really), and it’s not really feasible to take enough of whatever pain remedy to really be “pain free“. Movement helps, but it’s more pain to have less pain. Vexing. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I let it go. Again.

Cloudy morning. The sky to the west is a smooth homogeneous soft gray, with occasional streaks of clouds drifting past. The work day is ahead. I’m fine with it. Maybe I just need some coffee to shake off this bland disinterest in this moment (or, if I’m being fair, any other). I’m fine, for most values of “fine”. As I said earlier, I’m not in a bad mood, just sort of sitting here glaring somewhat uninterestedly on this new day, which seems a bit unreasonable. It’s new, full of unrealized potential and so many options! I sigh to myself. My inner cheerleader is nowhere to be found.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I take time for meditation. Who knows how I’ll feel after I begin again? Change is. Moments are fleeting.

I get a good morning greeting from my beloved Traveling Partner, and it puts a smile on my face that pain can’t stop. I stretch and get to my feet.

… It’s a new day, time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, anhedonia, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, health, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being, Words

Don’t Settle for Slop

August 12, 2026 //
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It’s early and still dark when I reach the trailhead. I am reminded that my Traveling Partner has already reminded me (twice?) to replace my headlamp so I can walk safely in the dark. I take care of that while I wait for daybreak.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I set off down the trail at first light. I’m glad to be enjoying real activity in the physical world. The “quality of life” online continues to degrade as enshittification pours AI slop all over basically everything.  It’s super annoying. Worse, there are real signs in everyday life, and interactions with real people, that stupid may actually be taking over. I’m not exaggerating or being unkind, I’m observing a perceivable degradation in the quality of conversations, the reduced vocabulary, and the increasing apparent difficulties regular people seem to be having with the most ordinary shit. Looking things up in a library, or reading a page of text and actually understanding it – really simple, critically useful cognitive tools are becoming less well honed. It’s honestly a bit scary.

… These will be the people we hand the world to when current leaders “age out” of governance. We should probably all be quite terrified…

I sigh to myself as I walk. I’m grateful to be able to read. Grateful to be able to write and to have the opportunity to sit down and easily write a few hundred words without ever needing (or using) an LLM or relying on AI. I’m grateful to be able to comprehend what I read and to be able to interrogate the ideas of others, and to form my own opinions and original thoughts. I don’t want to lose these abilities. As with walking – I keep writing, and reading, and talking. (I could do better with the listening, for real, that’s an underdeveloped skill I work to improve every day.)

….Lacking a crystal ball, I don’t know where the world is headed, but it’s not looking good, and that is a massive disappointment…

Another work day ahead of me. I’m fine with it. My Traveling Partner has finished up the project he’s been working on in the shop for a customer. I’m incredibly impressed and proud of him; he’s made a lot of progress in a short time. (I’ll work from the library today, and give him a chance to enjoy a proper day off. I can be a bit of a distraction. 😆)

Today feels pretty good, subjectively. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I let go of my concern and frustration with the enshittification of American culture and the sad degradation of the once amazing Internet due to corporate greed and billionaire bullshit. I know to put down the connected device(s) and go outside. I smile at a bunny hopping timidly out of the underbrush alongside the trail.

“The world” drives a lot of my anxiety. War. Racism. Sexism. Misogyny. Rudeness and incivility. Hate. Greed. The breakdown of “the social contract”, generally. A lot of these sorts of things are only within my control to the extent that I manage my own behavior to avoid this toxic shit, myself. Don’t do it. Don’t encourage it. Don’t excuse it. Don’t stand around enduring it. That’s generally the best I can do, myself, and all the rest that is outside my control? Yeah, that feeds my anxiety. That’s the piece I have to manage with the greatest care. It’s not always easy (in fact, it’s mostly not easy at all). One thing that definitely helps, a lot? Log off and walk away from the screen. Pretty much any time I “put down the Internet and walk away”, my anxiety is reduced.

… I’m not telling you what to do, just making an observation about my own experience…

AI slop definitely makes my anxiety worse. AI voices put me on edge. AI writing is poorly done to the point of being a distraction that causes me considerable stress. AI videos are ugly and strangely unnatural, and in spite of improvements in quality, generally, I find them objectionable in principle; no one needs these garbage LLMs filling our feeds with slop that isn’t worth even one moment of precious, limited mortal lifetime. I’d rather listen to an awkward actual human being doing an uncomfortably amateur read on some new channel on a topic I don’t care about at all than waste one minute of my time on slop.

Not convinced? That’s okay; I’m not trying to persuade you, I’m having my own experience. If you “don’t see any harm” in AI, maybe try asking it. No kidding. Try “list three reasons using AI for [put your most common use here] is a bad idea”. It’ll tell you. 😂

I sigh to myself and look down the path. The sky takes on soft hues of pink and pale blue. There’s a new day beginning, full of wonder and promise. Choose your adventure. Choose wisely. It’s time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being, thoughts on AI, women, Words

Who Were You, Then?

August 4, 2026 //
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Roll back the clock to some distant past moment in your life. Who were you then? Who was the most important influence over the person you became from that moment? What do you think of that person, now? If you could guide your past self, give them a word of advice or redirect their attention… would you? What would you say? Do you ever look back and… wonder?

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I found myself thinking about my early influences as a young adult, yesterday. The remembrance was sparked by seeing a 1975 interview of Hunter S. Thompson in my video feed. I had watched that interview then (or excerpts of it). At the time he made a huge impression on me. It would not be an exaggeration to say he influenced my approach to writing. Was the actual person who was Hunter S. Thompson likely to be a “good influence” on a brain damaged bookish ‘tween girl eager to explore the adult world? Hardly… and by “hardly”, I suppose I mean to say emphatically “no”.

I look at the smoky hazy morning sky. The air quality is looking pretty bad. It’s probably not ideal to be out here walking in it. The weather report calls the air quality “acceptable” today. I’m not sure I agree. (I can feel that it is harder to breathe.) The moon that had greeted me as I left the house was a distinctive rust sort of hue, against the night sky.

In more primitive times an omen, perhaps. Now only a reminder that the western United States is on fire – “omen” enough, I guess.

The funny thing about the people who influence us most (and I don’t mean those vapid performative self-identified online “influencers” shilling products to make a buck), they are also other human beings, having their own experiences and fucking shit up more often than we can ever know. Just other people. Humans being human. Growing and changing over time just as we each are, ourselves. They aren’t really any different, in that regard. We are each having our own experience. Walking our own path. That’s an idea worth facing, embracing, and making real use of. Where does your path lead? Is it your own, of your own choosing, or are you chasing someone else’s dream?

Where does this path lead?

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I can taste the scent of wood smoke in the air. The haze has become, overnight, sufficient to obscure the view of the hills and mountains to the west. The sky is a peculiar color. The wind has changed direction and now it’s our turn to see sickly orange-brown skies.

I sit a little longer thinking about the various influences there have been over the woman I have become, some positive, some not so much.

…I don’t actually recall where I thought I was going with this; I am distracted by the strange smoky sky, and now it is already time to finish this walk and begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being, Words
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