Archives for posts with tag: ptsd

I’m sipping my morning coffee thinking about how ludicrous it is that we so often seek to make everything fit into an “either/or” sort of arrangement – two neat columns, pro and con, or two clear choices for or against. I don’t think our human experiences are so tidy and clearly on one side or another of some dividing line. Not at all. We are creatures capable of depth and nuance of both thought and emotion. Our choices are often not so easy, and the problems we face more subtle and complex than a clear “yes/no” decision can resolve. We cheat ourselves and each other when we default to false dichotomies and make believe dilemmas – we often have many more choices on the vast menu of life’s Strange Diner than we take the time to consider.

…I consider our weird two party political system in the United States to be symptomatic of this very human challenge (in addition to being the only likely mathematical outcome of our current election system, regardless how many parties we may attempt to put in the mix). Human beings don’t seem to like complicated decision making at all. What a shame – we have such beautifully well-suited brains for such things. Seems like a waste of our potential as beings.

How are you wasting your potential today? Maybe that’s worth giving a moment of thought to? It’s your life, of course, and I’m not telling you what to do, just saying – you’ve got so much potential as a creature! What are you doing with that? What are you practicing? Where does your path lead?

What love looks like.

I spent time this weekend lingering over love and games with my Traveling Partner, who has been patiently re-teaching me to play cribbage. I enjoy cribbage. I played it with my grandfather. I played it when I was in a warzone (preferring it over pinochle or dominoes). My TBI gives me an irritating cognitive quirk; I don’t easily remember certain sorts of things, and the rules of card games are one of these. If I am not playing a particular game every day, the recollection of the game play and the rules quickly extinguishes, and I’ve got to start all over again the next time I go to play. It had been years since I’ve played cribbage. My Traveling Partner made us a lovely cribbage board. We’ve been playing relatively regularly for the past few days, and I’m enjoying it greatly. Oh, sure, at least for now I still need help figuring the points in a hand – cribbage is a relatively complicated card game – but I’m enjoying the time with my partner, and he with me, and it’s time well-spent. I am grateful he is so patient with me as I relearn a game I once knew so well.

A rose blooming in my garden. A beautiful metaphor.

I spent time this weekend lingering in the garden, enjoying the roses that are blooming, and fussing over the plants the deer have nibbled on. I weeded, and I watered, and I sat in the sunshine. Also time well-spent.

62 soon. Life is significantly less complicated – and less “exciting” – than I once expected it would be (though it often still feels like a lot to manage), and I’m not at all disappointed by that. lol Like a lot of other things, “excitement” is somewhat over-rated (and things are generally complicated enough to feel bothersome), and I greatly prefer joyful contentment, sufficiency, and the kind of broad perspective that allows me room to understand and appreciate others. We’re each having our own experience, and I really don’t have the time to bother with being annoyed by everyone about everything or wallowing in made up drama. lol I do like things “easy”. These mortal moments are so finite and precious.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’ve got a couple appointments today, and it’s a busy workday, and there are errands to run on the way home, and… when the hell would I also find time to enjoy “excitement”? Good grief, a pleasant generally routine life is plenty busy already, isn’t it? I sip my coffee and smile to myself. This is a nice moment right here. Good for self-reflection and new beginnings. Good for gratitude and love. Good for putting some thought into decisions to be made and things to be done. There’s no need to rush, or force everything through a filter that reduces it all to either/or, this-or-that, yes/no, pro or con… I have time to think things through thoroughly, to understand more of my life more deeply, in spite of that ticking clock. I have time for myself before I begin again.

There’s time to pause for flowers, to water our gardens, to chase our dreams.

I’m at the trailhead. I didn’t get much of a walk in, this morning. Feels like a bit of tendinopathy in my left knee. Ouch. I still managed a slow careful walk on the well-maintained trail nearest to home before I realized I am dealing with an injury. Maybe a bit too much enthusiasm with the elliptical machine. It’s a work day, and a fairly routine beginning, aside from this new pain. I breathe, exhale, and relax. Could be worse; at least everything isn’t hurting!

Taking a moment for a sunrise is a good use of time.

So, I’ll be on my cane full-time for awhile, I guess, and patiently giving my leg a break and time to heal. Doing so can’t alleviate the necessity of other sorts of self-care and I remind myself how important strength training is, not only to improve my fitness as I age, but also because glp-1’s have the potential to rob me of muscle. So. Yeah. There’s that. I shrug it off as a concern; there’s worse crap going on in the world and I’m fortunate that I’m only dealing with this, right here, right now.

… Sure, there’s horrible stuff going on in the world, but much of it is entirely outside my control or influence; I can make my voice heard to the few listening, but sometimes the best thing I can do for the world is make my own small corner better and do no damage elsewhere…

In spite of the deer, I may harvest some tomatoes.

Sometimes it seems the most significant difference between surviving and thriving is more to do with my focus and the practices I choose to practice than anything to do with specific circumstances. This is, of course, quite relative and simplistic. It’s damned difficult to thrive in the midst of ongoing trauma – been there, tried to do that, with varying degrees of success (and mostly failing – sometimes the best choices we can make are to change our situation). Generally, though, short of truly dire circumstances, the most notable difference between surviving and thriving, often seems to be largely a matter of perspective. Shit is crazy and often quite horrible “out in the world” these days, but when I pull my focus back to self, hearth, and home, it’s not bad. Life feels less manageable when I allow the world to drag my attention into chaos and Other People’s Drama. There’s something useful to understand there. I sit with that thought awhile.

It’s often what we plant and how we tend our garden that determines what we find there, more than the weather.

Making healthy choices isn’t always a tedious buzzkill, and it isn’t always about this fragile vessel. Many opportunities to live well and to thrive are about what I put my attention on, what I read, what the contents of my mental, emotional, and intellectual “landscape” are filled with. I have choices there, too. Doom scroll through the news feed, or walk a trail on a lovely Spring morning with only my thoughts to occupy me is as important as choosing to drink my coffee black, instead of loading it with sugar. We’re complicated creatures. Our best choices are not reliably the easiest, nor what we seem to prefer.

What are you planting in the garden of your heart?

I sigh and smile. Incremental change over time is reliable and steady; we become what we practice. Don’t like where your life seems headed? Choose another path, change your practices, and begin again. Thriving is within reach, and quite often it’s as much a matter of perspective as it is to do with the practical details. I stand and stretch and consider the day ahead of me.

… It’s a good time to begin again.

This morning I got to the trailhead in full daylight. I slept in a bit, though my dreams were almost entirely about being awake, bringing a certain sense of “having done all this” to a brand new day. Doesn’t really matter; it actually is a new day, full of potential and opportunities to grow and change.

Not quite summer.

I could have spent time in the garden yesterday; it needs weeding. I chose instead to enjoy my Traveling Partner’s company after the work day ended and played a few hands of cribbage. He made our beautiful cribbage board himself, it was one of the first projects to come out of his shop (from a time when nearly all the tools and focus were on woodworking). As is reliably the case with me, I have to relearn the game, even though I used to play cribbage with my Grandfather, and later nearly every evening while I was deployed to the Middle East to fight a war that seemed just at the time.

Brain damage is a peculiar thing; everyone’s experience is just a little different, depending on the specific details of their injury. I definitely have some odd “thinking holes” into which some kinds of information get lost, and I struggle with even long-standing habits suddenly extinguishing themselves for no obvious reason. So… I cut myself some slack about my limitations, and I keep practicing the practices that are most likely to result in emotional resilience, good quality of life, strong healthy relationships, and the likelihood of maintaining order in an experience full of chaos. There’s no end to it, no report card, no final win, just more practice.

…But I do like playing cribbage…

This morning I’m writing from a sunny spot at the edge of the marsh. It’s pleasant and quiet, robins singing nearby and small brown birds hopping here and there. The geese are gone (at least I don’t see any this morning), but there are still ducks on the ponds, and signs of nutria.

When I looked at my device to begin taking some notes, I noticed the app suggesting that many thousands more people had read my blog in the past 24 hours than is common. I’m not imagining the numbers, but I don’t accept them as true either. It seems quite unlikely that a >1000% quantity of views resulted from anything I’ve written lately, and I don’t recall any particularly trend-worthy tags, either. lol Platform decay and unmanaged bot activity seems far more likely (with app reporting errors following closely) as a potential root cause, but if you’re an actual human being who recently began reading my blog, welcome. I hope you find something worthwhile in my humble musings.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’m not overly excited about things like readership metrics, any more than I am stressed by my persistent inability to remember the rules of card games. There is a middle ground between excitement and despair, and it’s in this middle ground where contentment, peace, and lasting joy are to be found. (It’s at least where I have found them, myself). This middle ground is easy enough to find by practicing mindfulness, building emotional resilience over time, gaining and nurturing perspective, and learning to embrace sufficiency. (I didn’t mean to say anything suggesting it is actually easy; it takes quite a bit of practice, and I fail now and then and have to begin again. There are verbs involved.)

This path has taken me so far. I’m grateful that I gave myself another chance and learned some fundamentals of self-care, and stuck with the practices I learned in therapy. I’m glad I chose to seek help. I’m glad I ended unhealthy relationships and left toxic jobs that were destroying my quality of life. This here and now moment is quite delightful. I’ve done some work to get here and I’m fortunate to have this beautiful moment to enjoy. I look out over marsh and meadow, feeling contentment and quiet joy.

I’ve got a long weekend. The Spring meadow is lush and green. The wild roses are blooming (so are the roses in my garden). There are things to do, choices to make, and practices to practice. I smile and think about my Traveling Partner fondly; he’s so patient about my “issues” generally. Maybe another game of cribbage later today?

I smile at the little birds near my feet as I write. Soon enough it’ll be time to begin again. I look back up the trail and at the stormy clouds gathering overhead, thinking about paths and storms as metaphors, the day ahead, and my partner’s love feeling fortunate and grateful.

Among the metaphors for life and living that I favor is simply that of a trail to some destination (known or unknown). Steps on a path adding up to getting somewhere make a handy metaphor for a lot of things. I sip my coffee and think about metaphors, progress, growth, and being grateful to have had so many opportunities to fail, learn, and begin again. This journey hasn’t been an easy one built on paved paths, well-lit walkways, and obvious sparkling vacation destinations (like, not at all), but it has been a worthy one, scenic, adventurous, and filled with memorable moments. I sip my coffee content to begin the day with my thoughts, the recollection of waking rested, the memory of a beautiful sunrise glimpsed on an easy commute to the office. Nice beginning to the day…

…I wonder where this path leads…

“Pace yourself, there’s no hurry,” I remind myself, as I reflect on recent days, and the day ahead. Long weekend – Memorial Day ahead already? Yesterday I was too sore for the elliptical workout(s) I had planned. No surprise, really; I was overly eager and enthused, and may potentially have overdone it just a bit the day(s) before. lol Very human. I’m looking forward to it this evening, though, and I feel a renewed sense of committment and purpose when I think about fitness and exercise, generally. Nice bit of healthy momentum to take advantage of.

I chuckle to myself, although a bit frustrated, when I recall the doe coming back to the garden yet again, yesterday, and eating more of what is left of the tomatoes she’d already been nibbling. I sigh, a little annoyed, but having trouble being really mad at all; she’s doing what she can to survive, and no doubt has a fawn she’s trying to feed. I get it; my garden is well-tended and filled with tasty young green things, all edible. (I wouldn’t personally eat a tomato plant, but I suppose the deer and I have quite different appetites and preferences. lol) I grin to myself; isn’t it enough to have a garden of my own? I’ll learn from this and plan differently next year.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Things are quite wonderful in my partnership with my Traveling Partner, lately. Love feels somehow “new again”, although I don’t know why that is, I’m definitely enjoying it. Life, too, just as it is, feels good. I’m happy to stand in this place, grateful to feel well and joyful. I make room to savor the experience, and just sit with it awhile. Our best feelings and moments are worth savoring, and lingering over. So… I do that. Nice morning for it.

Soon enough it’ll be time to begin again.

I’m sipping a cup of tea after my morning walk.

My legs ache fiercely, mostly because we purchased a used elliptical machine to improve our fitness strategy (at home), and I’ve been using it. I can “go further, faster” on the elliptical than I can on the trail, with less strain and more emphasis on cardio. I’m hoping this gets me past being a bit “stuck”, and hoping it is a helpful addition for my Traveling Partner, too. Being “stuck” needed attention, and this feels like a win – if we reliably use it. My short-term goal is to add at least 1 mile on the elliptical each day to my routine, and increase that over the next few weeks until I’m managing an additional 5 miles per day on the machine (on top of my trail miles, which tend to be slower).

I’m sipping my tea and thinking about a job opportunity that has developed, with a former colleague I have always greatly enjoyed working with. Here’s the thing, though, unlike the fitness challenge that I was struggling with and needed a solution for, I am enjoying the job I have right now, and wasn’t looking for a change. Weighing the value of the opportunity against my current contentment feels a lot different than “solving a problem”. It’s okay to let an opportunity pass by if the timing and circumstances aren’t “right” for it. I think it over, and sip my tea. What do I want? What does my life need? What takes me further down the path of becoming the woman I most want to be as a human being? These are important questions to answer, before I make a change I don’t really need to make.

…Nice problem to have…

I sigh and stretch. Breathe, exhale, relax. Sip my tea feeling satisfied with the moment and wrapped in love. It’s an ordinary work day, doing a job I enjoy with a team I appreciate and hold in high regard. I’m working from home in a space that feels comfortable and supports my needs. I pull my posture more upright, adjust the position of my keyboard. I notice the pain in my legs (just sore muscles) and in my back (osteo arthritis), but my headache is minimal (a nice change) and my tinnitus is present but not a major distraction this morning (I’m grateful). It’s an ordinary enough day, all things considered. The clock ticks on, questions to ask, questions to answer, moments to live and things to decide – all very ordinary indeed. It’s already time to begin again.