Archives for posts with tag: Monday Monday

I’m not the only one who does it – who lives a fairly different life during the work week, than I do on the weekends. It’s not the frequent road trips, or the specific nature of the job, or even the art. It is a difference in thinking, and a difference in context. Much of the work week is consumed by employment; hours spent wholly on someone else’s agenda, rather than on my own. This leave, often, only the weekend “for me”. Such is the way of our exploitative labor-culture. :-\

…Yeah, I’m bitching about it. It’s pretty crap-tacular, and does not benefit the laboring wage-earner nearly as much as it benefits the wealthiest citizens in the shareholder and executive classes. Early on a Monday morning, thoughts still tangled up on art, I feel more than a little inconvenienced by having to maintain “gainful employment”, no lie.

I sip my coffee and consider the 10 canvases that resulted from a great weekend in the studio. I needed that. ๐Ÿ™‚

I spent time in the garden, too. Another living metaphor.

So this morning, after waking too early, after checking off a small handful of self-care tasks, I check the weather. I dress. I check traffic. Right; new highway closures, lasting through August. Fuuuuuuuuuuck. Well, so far the traffic map is all green. That’s promising… I keep half an eye on that, attempting to determine whether I’ll benefit from earlier hours for a few weeks. (An easy solution.)

…I end up “exploring the world” via Google Maps, and lose about 20 minutes of life time to that. lol I did find a couple nearby parks and trails to explore in the process…so… I guess, potentially worth the investment in time. ๐Ÿ™‚

I listen to the Monday morning commuter traffic begin, just beyond the window…

…It’s already time to shift gears. The start of a new work week. It’s time to begin again. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I drag myself from bed with the alarm clock still in my hand. I slept poorly, and only for about 5 hours. The sleep I got was interrupted, restless, and not all that restful. I groggily take my morning medication, entirely forgetting I’d promised myself to take it a bit later to ease the transition to living an hour out of sync with the past many months since the last time the government arbitrarily put us all through this ludicrous bullshit that has no benefit I can single out as an obvious reason to do this weird thing twice a year. Why the hell do we mess around with time? You just know who ever had this idea in the first place thought it was awesome… I always wonder how they convinced everyone else.

I yawn over my coffee, feeling uninspired, and looking for a moment on which to build the day…something small to delight me… something to motivate me to continue on and begin again, however many times it is necessary to do so… I’m not quite there, yet, and feeling very human.

I’ve got quite a few tools in my toolkit these days. I put on my headphones, cue up a playlist, and tackle the morning from another perspective. There is, after all, an entire day ahead of me…and so many choices.

If I were to paint the morning on canvas I would start with a neutral gray background. It’s just that sort of morning. Routine. Ordinary. Generally pleasant. Nothing driving any noteworthy stress – or delight. There are moments when I wonder if I’ve forgotten something I’ve committed to. Other moments when I feel fairly certain the morning is complete. The dangling loose ends of unfinished weekend conversations linger in my thoughts; some are emails I’ve not yet replied to, others are chats ended abruptly at the end of an evening or with a knock on the door. I sip my coffee and think about the world.

It’s a peculiar morning, lacking specific form or trajectory; the day could become anything at all. I’m okay with that. I make a second coffee, and consider the best ways to let the day unfold, unhindered by my expectations. I remind myself that I need to stop by the pharmacy for my Traveling Partner after work, and set an alarm and add a calendar event to see that I don’t overlook it.

I sip my coffee and wonder at the morning. I feel calm and content, and generally rested. There is nothing to object to about the start of the day, in any specific way. It’s all quite pleasant enough. The morning somehow fails to satisfy beyond basic satisfaction. I re-read that sentence and laugh at my monkey mind still reaching for “more”, after finding enough. I breathe and relax. I sip my coffee contentedly. I allow enough to be truly enough. No wonder human primates find their lives so difficult; we go looking for difficulties even when none exist in our experience of the moment. Silly primates.

I smile and put on my headphones, choosing to enjoy this moment, here, without further delay. It’s enough to change the moment…ย it is enough to change the world (in some very tiny, barely noticeable way, but still… there it is, changed).

 

Mondays have a bad reputation. I’m no longer sure why. Is it merely that so many people work unsatisfying jobs to which they must return each Monday? I’ve definitely been there. It wasn’t the easiest thing to choose differently. I had to learn that I could. So far, the current job has not yet lost its appeal, and going on 6 months, now. ๐Ÿ™‚

I woke during the night, no idea why, and quietly walked through the apartment, restlessly, for… what? For about 10 minutes, that’s what. lol I’ve no idea what woke me, and I was on autopilot as I walked through the apartment, from bathroom to kitchen to patio door to studio window, finally standing at the front door, looking out into the wee hours of night, feeling the cold wet breeze circle me and filling the doorway. It was the refreshing cool of the breeze that helped me realize I was indeed awake and walking around, and also that I was still quite sleepy and inclined to finish the night. I returned to bed, and to sleep.

…And here it is, Monday. My coffee this morning is quite terrible, which seems rather odd. In all other respects the morning begins quite well, and I’m not inclined to fuss over the coffee. I rather thoughtlessly rubbed something irritating into my eyes, which as irritants go is unpleasant, but could be so much worse. I notice, as I dispose of the tissue I had dabbed at my eyes with, that I overlooked the little trash can in my studio when I took out the trash this weekend. I’m a tad irked by that, but it is also a very small thing. I shrug that off, too. How much Monday misery is entirely self-selected based on the apprehension that Mondays will suck? It’s been a long while since I’ve actually had a shitty Monday… Today still doesn’t qualify. I keep choosing to enjoy the morning. There’s no particular need to force it, I am okay right now, and that’s enough.

Monday? Yeah, it is. That doesn’t have to be any more significant than any other day of the week, though. There are verbs involved. Choices. Perspective. Practices. You can always begin again. ๐Ÿ™‚

I slept wonderfully well over the weekend, but my sleep last night was more typical of what I’ve generally be experiencing lately; interrupted, and less than ideal quality. I don’t beat myself up about it these days (that just adds anxiety and stress to already limited sleep).

Last night when I woke, I struggled to return to sleep because my heart was racing and I felt startled and breathless. I tossed and turned a bit, worked on managing my breathing and patiently waiting it out while my heart-rate slowed to a more normal beat. I don’t know what woke me. I didn’t recall any nightmares, but the physical experience was as if I’d woken from one. ย If I’d been more awake when I woke, I’d have understood the wiser choice might be to simply get up for a few minutes of meditation, and to experience and savor the quiet in the wee hours, which I find very soothing. I didn’t do that. Eventually I still returned to sleep.

A basic morning.

A basic morning.

I woke again, earlier than the alarm, by quite a bit (an hour) but woke feeling fully awake; sleep at that point is a futile endeavor. I got up, did some yoga, had a shower, meditated, made coffee, all the things I associate with morning. I think ahead to a dinner date with my traveling partner, and shared friends; there won’t be time after work for housekeeping. I look around at a handful of chores I’d like to take care of before I leave for work. It feels comfortably satisfying to recognize both the need, and the opportunity, and to have a plan.

From a practical perspective, this is an ordinary enough Monday without anything remarkable ahead of me on the calendar. The holiday seasons creeps closer, but it’s on the other side of Halloween, which is still two weeks away. “Nothing to see here.” I close my calendar, my email, Facebook… the morning is mine to enjoy as I will, every moment entirely mine. Even my hand-held device is no temptation; it is busy with some upgrade or another, and exists set aside until later, when I leave for work.

I rely on my senses for information about the weather, listening to the bluster of the wind whipping distant trees about and casting multitudes of leaves into the air, to settle in drifts along the sidewalk. The rain spatters the windows, and rings melodically on the chimney and vent covers. I smile, remind myself to wear wet weather gear, taking a moment to also appreciate having made time to replace the worn and raggedy small cross-body bag I’d been carrying for three years that finally lost the last bit of utility in the rain and wind on the way home Friday. It was no longer anything resembling water-proof, as it was, and Friday’s fierce winds ripped the body of the bag free of any attachment to its strap, clips and seams breaking free, tearing loose, scattering contents to the wet pavement ahead of me. I had even laughed it off in the moment, more engaged with the exhilarating sensations of the wind in the moment.

I could have continued straight home on my tired feet Friday evening, and didn’t actually expect to find a suitable replacement for a bag I’d loved for so long; I used the need as an excuse to take a few minutes out of the rain, though, and a reason to take a less crowded train. It was happenstance that resulted in finding just the right bag at just the right price as I walked past a shop window for a retailer I didn’t intend to visit. Moments are sometimes a lovely intersection ofย choice and chance. Over the weekend, patiently and with great delight, I updated my “everyday carry” to suit the new bag, the new job, the changing season. A process of bringing order to chaos. Today the new bag gets its first day out. It’s a small thing, nonetheless I am smiling and enjoying the moment. Why not? It’s a lovely one. ๐Ÿ™‚

Mondays have a bad reputation… This one seems quite nice so far, rain and all. I think I’ll take some time to enjoy that, this morning, before heading into the rain, to the office, to begin again. ๐Ÿ™‚