Archives for posts with tag: practicing the practices

I can smell the ocean, and the briny muddy scent of Siletz Bay, in the darkness beyond the balcony. I hear voices down on the beach, and on the adjacent balconies, hidden from view. This was unexpected. The “how was your day, how was therapy?” conversation turned into my beloved sharing some deals on coastal hotel rooms… and a question to answer; would I like to take off for a night (or two) and grab some solo time to paint? Well… fuck yeah,

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

The view of the bay. long exposure.

The drive was unmemorable, which, I guess, is a good thing. Could be worse. I’m here, now. It is evening. I pause as I get ready for bed – long drinks of cold water, deep breaths of ocean air balcony door thrown wide to the briny breeze. I enjoy the fourth floor room, it has a great view, but getting the bags up here was… exhausting. Yes, there’s an elevator. There was also a bit of a trek to the one remaining parking space. lol I’m not bitching, nor making excuses, just saying… I didn’t plan for this, and I’ve managed to use up some spoons making it happen.

…But oh, damn, come the dawn, and I’ve already got my easel set up, my pastels sorted, the coffee machine ready to coffee me up first thing. I am eager…

…And I miss my Traveling Partner, as the night goes quiet. I sigh to myself. He’s close. There’s safety in that relative proximity. I could run to his arms at any hour, should the night terrors come after me in this quiet place. I feel reassured by the knowledge that he would welcome me, at any hour.

I yawn. Breathe, exhale, relax. Listen to the sea.

…Tomorrow morning, I’ll begin again. 😀

Yesterday’s walk was rainy. This morning it is cold. 35F/1.6C – it may not be freezing cold, quite yet, but it is certainly cold enough that my heavy sweater was a good choice.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I reached the trailhead at the nature park without really taking note of the drive to get here. I slept poorly last night, awaked at intervals by my Traveling Partner, who was having a difficult night himself. I woke with effort and dragged myself through my morning routine. So far, so good.

It’s a strange chilly autumn morning. There is a moderately dense fog in the low spots of the marsh and adjacent farm fields. The night sky overhead head is clear and starry. In the minutes during which I sat quietly observing the night sky, trying to ascertain whether that bright object that wasn’t there moments ago is a star, a planet, or a satellite, a stranger approaches my car in the darkness and calls to me. “Ma’am, Ma’am? Do you have any water?”

The object in the sky? A plane. The stranger? A potential threat. What the hell is he doing out along the highway, walking, on a near freezing morning before dawn? I’m definitely not getting out of my car. Through the closed and locked door I say “No”, quite firmly. He walks away slowly toward a second car parked here, some distance ahead of me. I hear him ask the driver for water. She asks what the hell he’s doing out on the highway walking at this hour. He laughs a weird wild cackle. To my surprise, the driver gets out of her car and fetches a bottle of water for the stranger, then gets back in her car. The stranger loiters a few minutes trying to make further conversation before eventually walking away, back to the highway.

The strange unsettling interaction changes my plan. I’ll wait for daybreak before I start down the trail this morning. Just seems safer, and after the night I had, I don’t think I should count on luck as a safety plan.

Yesterday was pretty pleasant, generally. I spent considerable time hanging out with my Traveling Partner. Got my laundry mostly done. Spent a little time in my studio. I’m pleased with the new piece.

“Autumn Afternoon” 11″ x 14″ 2026

I’m getting a lot of satisfaction and emotional value out of these shorter interludes in the studio. I am guessing the days of spending many hours at my easel, or painting down on the floor or on some tabletop, are probably over. I can’t easily sustain one single seated position for so long and the arthritis developing in my thumbs is quite another cruel twist of aging. This piece is my largest pastel to date, though, and in that sense it is fully equivalent to having painted four new pieces. I’m okay with that. The hint of gold dust gently brushed into the piece makes me smile when a glint or glimmer catches my eye. It’s enough.

I doze off in the warmth of the car briefly. When I wake the other car is gone. I write a bit. Meditate. I wait for daybreak, that’ll be soon now. Then I’ll begin again.

It’s a head cold, probably. I’m fine for most of the important values of “fine”, and this will pass. I got home on…Tuesday? Tuesday. I went to bed almost immediately, and crashed hard. I slept for hours, until my Traveling Partner woke me to be sure I took my routine medications and had some calories. We hung out a little while until feeling crappy sent me back to bed.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I woke yesterday, Wednesday, and it was all I could do to drag myself through an abbreviated form of my morning routine and drop my dumb ass into my office chair and log into work tools. I’d have called out were it not for several items due that day that could neither be delayed nor delegated. So I did the thing. Very American of me. I’m a dumbass.

I did my best to juggle self-care and work, all day, and when the day ended? I went back to bed. No lie. I slept until the evening, got up for meds, calories, and some lovely quiet time with my beloved… and then went back to bed. Again. I slept through the night.

Here it is a new day. I hope I feel more better as the day progresses. I hate being ill. I miss my walk. (Very human). It’s fine. Tomorrow I can begin again.

I’m okay, for most values of “okay”. It’ll have to do. It’s honestly not worth the effort to bitch about anything going on with me. Mundane stuff. How are you? I care and I’m curious. (Comment if you wish.)

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I’m sitting at the halfway point on this hike, and probably life as well (if I’m lucky enough to be around to see 120-ish). I have felt as though I’ve been living life “at the halfway point” for awhile now, 15-20 years maybe. It has been a time of struggle, change, healing, and growth. I’ve made some good friends in this time, I’ve probably lost more.

…There’s never a guarantee that life’s scale would balance for me as an unremarkable individual human primate, one of many…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. The cycle is a simple one. My day begins. I do my best. I survive the experience. I sleep, wake, and begin again. And again. And again. Eventually, the sands of time will run out on this one mortal experience. I’ve no idea what’s after that – no one has come back to say. I sit with that thought awhile. Uncertainty. Impermanence. Change. Big ideas that seem smaller under the black night sky. Doesn’t matter. My time. My thoughts.

I meditate. Enjoy the mild autumn morning. Watch for daybreak. Write a few words. I’d rather be setting up my easel for another piece, but it’s a work day. I think ahead to the weekend. Soon.

This is one of those mornings that feels almost like a throwaway moment, “nothing to see here”, as if it were a rerun, and not because I have a routine. It’s more that the moment is unremarkable, which is true in all but one way; the very ordinariness itself. The gentle mundanity is so spectacularly strange feeling to me sometimes, I find it remarkable. Very little of my life has been gently ordinary. I don’t really know whether (or quite how) to enjoy it. I wonder how many such moments I have undermined with unnecessary drama or emotional bullshit in the past simply because I didn’t know how to deal with the ordinary?

I sigh to myself and notice the trees seem more obvious, silhouetted against the sky, than they did moments ago. Daybreak soon, I suppose. Another sigh. I get to my feet and stretch, looking down the path. It’s only a moment. I begin again.

It’s a strange world we live in. AI recruiters interviewing fake job applicants while real people struggle to find work adequate to pay the bills. A government that doesn’t get anything useful done for the people being governed, because grifters and criminals own the Whitehouse. Healthcare that sick people can’t afford. I could go on…it actually does get worse.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I take a deep breath of the strangely warm mild autumn air. The morning is peaceful out on this trail. Quiet. As though all is well and right with the world (it isn’t). I walk on, pulling myself back to this moment, here, now, each time my mind wanders to troubling news reports. (How about the one where the US president explicitly threatens nuclear genocide against a foreign nation?) I think about work and haul my mind back from that, too. Now is not the time for any of that. Now is a time for peace and contentment.

… How much more wonderful would this world be if each global citizen faced each moment from the position that “now is a time for peace”? Something to consider. Where do you stand on peace..?

You may be inclined to say I am being naive, but I gotta say, I didn’t kill anyone yesterday. Did you? I bet not. So, clearly it is possible not to kill. Good start on peace is not killing people. Clearly it can be done. I’m annoyed by how persistently people refuse peace and the ridiculous excuses they make to justify their hate and violence.

I sit watching the night sky. It’ll be dark awhile longer. I reflect on the lovely connected peaceful evening I shared with my Traveling Partner yesterday. He bought dinner. We hung out watching miscellaneous funny shit together and laughed. We needed some good laughs. Laughter gets people through a lot of tough times.

… So does love…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I take in the peacefulness of this quiet morning. I’m grateful for another day. For the moment, shrugging off chronic pain seems almost effortless (it isn’t really, I simply took appropriate medication soon enough to get ahead of it a bit). Meditation. Write a few words. Sit with this peaceful now. Enjoying the darkness before dawn. Gathering my resolve to face the challenges of a new day. Wondering for a moment what the day might hold…

Hints of daybreak lighten the sky slowly. I think about beginning again.