Archives for category: Anxiety

I learned something over the past couple of days. Well, I mean, I had a moment of epiphany, in which a thing (or two) clicked into place and I had an “aha!” moment of wonder and delight that almost caused me to be an ass, when my partner definitely expected me to be listening. Deeply.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

So, for context, I’m pretty shit at listening deeply with great care and focus. Brain damage is a bitch. No doubt it’ll be a lifetime of practice to get even close to the goal of deep listening routinely without internal reminders and distracting silent admonishments. I’ll get there, maybe. I’ll keep practicing.

I’m definitely a considerate and caring person, with a soft spot for friends and loved ones and a desire that they not suffer needlessly, nor most especially over something I’ve done or said… Which, put that way probably illustrates a critical limitation I am still working through, rather more obviously than I would have intended. I feel a bit pained to read those words and cringe a bit. The thing is, I reason most clearly through analogy and metaphor and understanding shared experience, which is all well and good in the abstract, but…

… When someone is experiencing acute pain of some sort, they really don’t want to hear that you understand completely because of some experience you’ve had that you’re now eager to share. Frankly, I’ve probably lost some friends with that shit. Although my intentions were good, my effort to connect and heal and nurture or comfort just resulted in someone feeling less well understood and possibly quite annoyed. Not an ideal way to approach listening…

…For some reason, it really clicked last night. My Traveling Partner was going through some shit I really really do understand only too well. I started to share my experience, to communicate understanding, and demonstrate compassion… and it was like a bright light. I got it. After all this while. Shut up and listen, let the other person say what their experience is like. Ask about that. Listen more.

Holy shit. Is it that simple?? Maybe not. Whatever would be that simple?.. but it’s sure better than being an ass and talking over someone trying to share their experience with tales of some other experience they definitely don’t care about in that moment. They want to feel heard. So…um… listen.

… Listen…

I sigh to myself. I really hate when stuff I struggle with turns out to have a very simple “problem statement” that makes sense and brings clarity. Not because I don’t find value in that, it’s just a bit embarrassing to find myself on the receiving end of yet another such moment of clarity, after so much struggle, and have it sound so simple. Now the trick will be to make use of it.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. The night sky still surrounds me. It’s quiet out here on the trail this morning. Not yet daybreak, and a head full of thoughts already. I didn’t sleep well. My sleep became very restless and disturbed after multiple interruptions. I woke irritated and although I am not groggy, I’m also not well-rested. (The weekend is so close, I remind myself, hang in there… there’s a long weekend of deep restful sleep waiting for me.)

I grabbed coffee at the gas station while I filled the tank. It’s fairly dreadful gas station coffee, only slightly better than “waiting at the tire place coffee”, which can substitute as cleaning solvent I’m sure. I’m enjoying the feeling of the warm cup in my hands more than I’m drinking it – my stomach will thank me. I sip it as it cools, and my brain catches up as the caffeine starts working. Doesn’t seem so bad, after my brain realizes this is coffee.

… It’s still pretty bad, but drinkable…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I meditate, and reflect. I write. After some little while,  I’ll finish this walk and begin a new day. Hopefully I can maintain some resilience and enjoy the day in spite of being fatigued. It’s a good goal. I’ll refrain from taking shit personally. I’ll let small shit stay small. I’ll refuse to drink poison. I won’t take bait. I’ll focus on being the woman I most want to be. That’s got to be enough.

With all that in mind, I begin again.

It is the dawn of a new day. Yesterday’s mistakes and stepped on boundaries are in the past. This is a completely new and different moment. I walk down the dark marsh trail, following the circle of light provided by my headlamp.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I get to a pleasing stopping point. A favorite fallen log at the edge of a grassy hillside dotted with oak trees makes a decent seat. I wait, watching the eastern horizon for first light on this cloudy morning. I sit with my thoughts, reflecting on a theory my Traveling Partner shared with me recently, about a recurring theme in my artwork, “the nightmare city”. It is my rendering of a dream, a nightmare, that I have had on a recurring basis for many years. I maybe don’t remember not having this nightmare (more often than occasionally).

“The Nightmare City” 8″ x 10″ acrylic on canvas w/glow

The dream itself is simple enough. I am in a city. It seems peculiarly “hollowed out”, as if the buildings are all fake, just facades standing in neat rows. There is a background glow, but it’s hard to tell if it is lights left on, or fire, or warfare. I am walking briskly towards some point in the distance, then running breathlessly but wanting very much to stop. I usually wake before I reach that distant point, heart pounding, breathless, and frightened. Sometimes I’m in it, trapped, hurtling towards some point, when a loud blast of noise hits me with physical force, and there is a sort of popping noise and a flash of light, and so much pain. I wake, grateful to have found my way from the nightmare city, again.

The Nightmare City, some other night, different lighting.

I’ve painted the nightmare city several times. Sketched it. Painted in acrylic, with a ton of glow. Painted in watercolor, ephemeral and surreal. Painted in pastels, a city in flames and as a forlorn abandoned place that can’t harm me now. My nightmares draw me back into that strange city again and again, as if there is something unspoken that wants a voice…

Another version, “Urban Warfare”, rendered in pastels, in 2024, when old trauma and new wars collide in my dreams.

My Traveling Partner only shared his theory when I insisted I’d really like to know his thoughts. He shared his impression that it may be a remnant of “the last thing I saw” before (more specifically as) I injured my head. I don’t recall my injury with any clarity, at all. Hints of partial recollections of fragments of vague memories that generally my consciousness mind has difficulty approaching. A sense of…flight? A gasp, like a final deep breath before plunging into darkness? A distant point of perspective that rushes towards me without properly changing as the distance draws near. An explosion of light? Nothing useful. The official version, when anyone would discuss it with me at all, much later in life, was that I fell down some stairs, maybe (and now can we please talk about something else?).

“Daylight Comes to the Nightmare City”, in pastels, 2026.

My Traveling Partner finally admitted, he sees something characteristic and distinct about my nightmare city paintings; to him they can also potentially be seen as a staircase, or bannister finial, from the perspective of hurtling towards it head first. “Once I realized, I can’t unsee it,” he said. Since he shared that with me, I see it too. I touch the small triangular “divet” I feel on my forehead, and trace the cracks I feel under the skin that radiate out from there, to my hairline, and down into my right eye socket.

… And I wonder…

… Trauma is weird. I still see the city, the road leading away, and feel a strangely nauseous feeling when I contemplate walking down that peculiarly dark street as it seems to narrow towards a point. In my dreams, I never quite reach whatever waits at the other end of the road…

For no obvious reason, I hear a Sam Cooke song in my head as I sit with my thoughts,  “… What a wonderful world this would be…”. I sit in the stillness of a summer morning betwixt meadow and marsh, waiting for the sun. Waiting to understand something just out of reach of any clear memories. There’s rarely much anger left over this broken brain – there are more important things to be angry about, these days. I’m okay with who I am, most of the time. I’m grateful for my Traveling Partner, for his kindness not rushing to put ideas in my head out of compassion and love, and for sharing his thoughts willingly and gently when pressed. Considering I really don’t remember my injury, having hints and insights helps me process the unknown, and even the potentially unknowable.

… I’m okay with the uncertainty; I am loved. I can begin again, as often as I need to, in order to heal and grow, and walk on.  I look down the path fearlessly. I am awake, and safe, and life is pretty good. I smile, thinking soft happy thoughts about my partner, my best friend. I get to my feet, grateful, humming some tune that is stuck in my my head…

… What a wonderful world it would be…

I woke gently, got up, dressed, and kissed my beloved on my way out. It was dark (and very early) then, and it is after daybreak now.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

My walk was pleasant, and the miles passed quickly. It’s a work day, and I guess on some level I am feeling purposeful. I say so, noticing that I didn’t stop at any sort of halfway point this morning. I walked and walked, lost in thought, until my walk was over. Shit. That’s a little strange, but not a problem at all (just a difference).

I get to the car and sit comfortably, writing, my random musings still banging on the latched screen door of my consciousness, like a friend who won’t let me sleep in on a summer morning, peering in from the closed door, calling my name. I write easily, about nothing. Mornings and coffee, walks and changing seasons, merriment and sorrow – all just words on a page until someone (maybe you?) connects some point I’m making with their own experience, and finds comfort or insight there. I think about that for a little while.

Sunrise comes. I’m still thinking my thoughts. Insignificant stray thoughts about nothing particular, mostly, and my writing pauses to let some thoughts move on along without comment. Like pedestrians in an intersection, the signal changes, traffic flows, and stops continues, then pauses, over and over again. Same with my writing, I suppose. Some mornings the words pour out of me like a busy freeway, other mornings my mind is stop and go traffic during some mental rush hour, slow and not getting anywhere any time soon. 😆

I yawn and watch the pink and blue gradient of the morning sky slowly change. A new day, eh? I guess I’d better be getting on with it, then. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I begin again.

I get to my halfway point on this morning’s walk just at daybreak. On one side, a slope of meadowed hillside dotted with oak trees. On the other, a view across the expanse of meadow that will soon become marsh once again, as the season changes. This is my way; I wake, I walk, I clear my mind as the steps become miles. It’s not fancy or costly, and as practices go, it seems to me to be one of the easiest to start and to follow. On the other hand, “easy” is pretty subjective.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

It’s a better view in real life. Be present in your lived moment.

I hadn’t noticed until the night sky began to yield to the new day; there is an autumn mist clinging to the ground all around me and over the meadow. A couple days of rain have returned hints of green to the amber and gold hues of the dry grass. Well, and the cooler nights have resulted in some trees beginning to turn their summer greens to autumn hues of russet, yellow, and hints of red. Fall. The equinox is approaching, too.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’m comfortable and content with this moment just as it is. The air still smells of recent rain, and a little bit of something musty. No breeze, really, but the slow movement of air currents brings with it a hint of a fireplace somewhere, a pleasant reminder of being cozy at home.

I consider my general good fortune in life (at least this portion of it, say the most recent 10 years, about) has been mostly pretty good, and generally getting better as things go along. Certainly, I’ve made a lot of progress, myself, and I find myself feeling grateful. I sit with that awhile.

… Everything is a little damp from recent rain, and I notice my jeans have soaked through, sitting on this fence rail. I don’t mostly care about that, I just happened to notice…

The thing about practices, whether they are to do with walking every day, or practicing gratitude, or practicing the four agreements, or practicing good self-care, or practicing anger management… “practice” is a verb. There is real work to be done. We may commit to a practice and discuss it enthusiastically, but if we’re not doing the practice..? Well, obviously, if we’re not doing it, it isn’t being done. We become what we practice. So…yeah. Got to do the verbs.

I sit thinking about my strength training. So many verbs. Very verb-y ones, too. There is unquestionably doing going in when I am strength training, even with my small dumbbells. Some practices are less visually obvious, like meditation, but the effects of the thing being done are profound. Still takes effort. What I’m getting at is that simply talking about practices isn’t enough. The doing matters more. That’s the practice.  I sit with the thought awhile longer.

No colorful sunrise this morning. The day begins quite gray and overcast. I don’t need it to be anything else. I’m just over here practicing. Self-care. Meditation. Gratitude. Anchoring myself to this moment and being present. Walking in the morning. All practices. It adds up. To what exactly? I guess that depends on the path I choose.

… it’s a very human experience. Choose wisely…

I stretch and get to my feet. This walk won’t finish itself, and I’ve a way to go to get to the other side of the nature park, and back to the trailhead. Then some errands, and maybe painting this afternoon? I sigh contentedly, looking down the trail into the mist. Seems like a good time to begin again.

It isn’t raining yet. My arthritis, the forecast, and the scent of the air suggest it definitely will. I’m okay with that. I like the rain.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

Blue hue at daybreak.

I’ve been sitting here at my halfway point for some while now, just sitting with my thoughts, no point or specific purpose, allowing minutes to pass unnoticed and uncounted. Some mornings are like this, quiet and lacking in clear purpose or any particular drive to do anything any differently. I’m okay with this, too.

…We create a lot of our own bullshit and drama simply by resisting what is in some moment, when we could face the challenge with acceptance, first, before we consider fighting it at all…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Nothing to see here. It is an ordinary enough sort of morning on a cloudy day late in the summer. I take time to meditate in the darkness, watching the blue hue of the morning develop slowly, revealing the gray sky instead of a sun rise. Somewhere beyond what I can see, the sun still rises. There’s a metaphor there. I reflect on that awhile.

I get to my feet, grateful for a new day, and a chance to begin again. Maybe I’ll make it back to the car before it begins to rain?